Im lost and confused, we've been married 32 years , had the knock whilst I was at work 4 weeks ago , a complete shock , we have several children and grandchildren who stay with us . I had to tell them all and was strongly advised for him not be at home , he then became suicidal and my poor eldest son had to support him and take him to hospital, anyway he's ended up at his brothers and under the care of crisis mental health team . I've been told he's downloaded 1 cat A and 1 CatB....heard nothing from police apart from waiting for forensic...I can't even bring myself to talk to him , we built our lives around children , our own and through our work ....I just want to cry , I go from feeling sorry for him being alone to hating what he has done to our family , the grief he has brought our wonderful children . I read so many posts about forgiveness but I don't think I can , is that ok ?.... not sure how I can continue....just surviving for my children ...
Hi Sarah,
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It's extremely difficult in the first few weeks as the initial shock and questions you have make your head want to explode. There are no answers to staying or leaving but I would say you don't have to make a decision anytime soon, some decide to leave straight away but then reconcile, some stay but then leave and some work through it the whole way. You haven't done anything wrong and it's completely down to you what you decide to do. I guess things may become clearer once the forensics have been done and you've had conversations about how he's ended up here - was it accidental? has it been going on a long time? Etc. Communication and honesty is essential if you are going to move forward. Hopefully there isn't much more to be found and that may make it easier for you both. Focus on yourself and your kids and look after yourself xx
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It's extremely difficult in the first few weeks as the initial shock and questions you have make your head want to explode. There are no answers to staying or leaving but I would say you don't have to make a decision anytime soon, some decide to leave straight away but then reconcile, some stay but then leave and some work through it the whole way. You haven't done anything wrong and it's completely down to you what you decide to do. I guess things may become clearer once the forensics have been done and you've had conversations about how he's ended up here - was it accidental? has it been going on a long time? Etc. Communication and honesty is essential if you are going to move forward. Hopefully there isn't much more to be found and that may make it easier for you both. Focus on yourself and your kids and look after yourself xx
Sorry you find yourself in our club.
of course it's ok, there's no right or wrong feelings. Some stay some go some are undecided for a very long time.
im post sentencing, have oh home with the children and I, but I don't know if it will work. I hate him for what he's done and will never forgive or forget.
Give yourself time, no hasty decisions, you don't need to make any yet. Unfortunately it could take from a matter of weeks up to a couple of years for devices to be checked, it's the Pitts.
I recommend reading your brain on porn and Paula Hall's the partners perspective second edition x
of course it's ok, there's no right or wrong feelings. Some stay some go some are undecided for a very long time.
im post sentencing, have oh home with the children and I, but I don't know if it will work. I hate him for what he's done and will never forgive or forget.
Give yourself time, no hasty decisions, you don't need to make any yet. Unfortunately it could take from a matter of weeks up to a couple of years for devices to be checked, it's the Pitts.
I recommend reading your brain on porn and Paula Hall's the partners perspective second edition x