Family and Friends Forum

To give a background. OH arrested in June, within three weeks arrested, plea hearing and sentence all while on remand. No time for me to read charges, check evidence or shpo. Found out full extent of charges in the newspaper as OH only told me some of it. Then he stated they were wrong, but i have seen the letter from the court and the papers had it right. I perhaps foolishly took him back in the home as i only had an hours notice to say did i want him back. At the time I had not seen him for three weeks nor was able to discuss exactly what happened. Fast forward to now. When i sign xmas cards it took me days to make a decision on how to sign the cards. People who know dont want a card from him, but people who dont will think it odd if i dont put his name. I feel i am deceiving people if i do not tell them. When i go out if i take my ring off for the people who know, the people who dont will ask why i am not wearing my ring. I am so confused. I have been married over 30 years and still love him. But i cannot get over what he has done. His mental and physically health are fragile since and he lost his job. So money is tight and i have to go back to work full time when i was thinking on reducing my hours. I also have to do overtime as the sole bread winner. My life is one long, work, work and more work. While he potters doing chores around the home, sleeping when he gets tired or sitting down. I dont get to that. I am becoming more and more resentful and snapping at him. This is making me sad. I do not have a solution. I just needed to have a moan. I know i do not have it as hard as some of you. No little kids in the family, my kids who all love at home and in their 20s all talk to me as well as him. I lost a lfelong friend, though she went after 1.5 weeks while he was still in prison so not sure how much of a friend she truly was, i thought she was my best friend. We did loads together for over 34 years. One day she sent a text saying i will help you get through this, only to dump me the next. I am getting angry with the world. I am thinking on changing jobs for more money even though i enjoy the work i currently do. I feel so alone. I am seeing a councillor but wont now see her til after xmas. Thank you for listening. X

I would most probably lose my home if we split up. I have lived in my home for 23 years and do not want to live anywhere else. Also all adult children live at home, so even though they are old enough to look after themselves, and capable, it will effectively displace many people. Yes, he does do the chores at home and cooking. Though his physical health is failing so do not know how long that will last. Before all this happened i was doing more and more in the house etc. Hence reducing hours as i was finding it too much.



I jsut wish i could decide and make peace with my decision and start to re build a new life. As my councillor said i am living in limbo until i make a decision. I just want all the hurt to go away. I am a very private person and to read about my OH in a newspaper was just mortifying. i know people who i work with have seen the articles, but lucky for me they are lovely people. But i dread to think how many other people know who work in my office, its a huge office.

Thank you Lost & Smile. Actually wrting your names together just about sums up our journey. We have lost loads yet smile to the world so they think we are beong strong. I had the added stress at the beginning that they arrested my son on the charges that were my husbands. It was because my husband was at work so they presumed it was my son. Last week, so since June we have been waiting for the arreat to be sorted even though my husband plead guilty. Thankfully it has now come back NFA.



I also think my OH has the easier deal. He does not have to face friends (he lost them all but was a loner anyway so did not have many) and family. Well his family lives miles away and they are supportive. Mine will not have anything to do with him. But it means if i am having a bad day like last night i cannot speak to them as they just say leave him. If it was that easy i would have done that already!



Thank goodness for this forum. Hugs and smiles to everyone this xmas. X

Thank you distressed. I am more upbeat today. Just concentrated on xmas things. I think I might see if we afford for him to live somewhere else for a couple of months. No idea how that will go with probation. We wanted him to live with his sister miles away but though probation said yes, police said no. No idea why. Apparently they do not have to say. But he could have lived there rent free. If he goes anywhere else i would have to pay for it, and now being on one wage money is tight. But that a problem for the new year.



I hope everyone is ok today. Xx