Family and Friends Forum

Hello,

I am hoping someone can advise me on what I have coming my way from their own experiences please?

There was a knock at my door 7 months ago. My partner, now ex partner whom I have two children with (youngest newborn at the time). Is under investigation for distributing an iioc cat b. He has also admitted to receiving a video which he did not watch and deleted immediately, and a cat c image.

He has denied an interest in children and has stated that he was sent these without his consent on an adult sex site which he was using. He had accounts on varies sites engaging with men and women.

He has admitted to having a problem with alcohol and has said he was addicted to pornography. He also states that he would blackout so cannot recall if he has watched anything else. He does not have a criminal record (yet) and was not known to the police prior.

All of this was happening when I was sleeping and heavily pregnant with our planned child. I was really poorly during my pregnancy and focussed my energy trying to keep up with my newly 3 year old and trying to continue with my job.

I had a visit from social services who provided me with a CIN closure report as I have stopped him from seeing the children. I've also notified my son's preschool and my boss incase there's more and ends up going to court.

Can anyone tell me the average length of time for the device to be called for examination? And how long that takes until the second interview? And if SS will automatically open up the case when the investigation is over? And should it go to court, what the average length of time is from the second interview?

Any hints, tips shared experiences or advice will be greatly appreciated and respected.

My heart truly goes out to you all.

Best wishes.

Hey,

Thank you so much for responding.

I'm sorry any one has to go through this. I've read that it's the group that no one wants to be apart of and that it's like a bereavement without sympathy, both are fitting.

I discovered this group over the weekend. I am currently undergoing therapy. What annoys me, is the fact that no one has ever told me (any professional bodies) that there is any support for friends or family. I am so thankful I've come across this group. It's been a lonely 7 months.

I've only told my immediate family and 2 friends the truth. Everyone just thinks he's working away. For now. I've read on here from someone else that the guidance says 8-12 months for now so I'm kinda hoping that is the case.

I have been utterly clueless about where to start with SS. Should this end in a low level of images amd be settled out of court then yes I would want him to have contact with the children. My eldest isn't his biologically but has always classified him as his son and my son knows no different. I don't know if SS can stop contact with him.

I've seen on here there are courses available. Are you able to provide me the names of the courses which I need to complete please? In terms of what courses they expect me to complete? And with reference to a plan. I guess that's something which I can only complete once I have all the facts of his offending.

I was madly, deeply in love with this person. No one deserves to go through this. Is there any normality in your life now? Do things get better with understanding and time? I avoid all social things and stay in with the kids more than I used to. I just don't know what way this is going to go yet so I'm just trying to keep a low profile for now xxx

There's been a couple more relivations since then in terms of understanding why. It seems to relate to childhood trauma which no one was aware of. He also has a health problem which he's awaiting results. There were also more devices which I reported to the police. I've told him so he's aware. He says no indecent images will be found on them which again, I had no idea about.

I had no idea about any thing, always seems to be some element of truth, lies, lies, lies, then truth again and then a reasoning behind it or saying he doesn't understand of have any memory of it.

He quit drinking on his own accord, changed jobs to manage stress, started therapy but couldn't commit. Says he will do things but never commits. He was also watching gay porn daily and engaging in mutual masterbation with men but says he has no sexual interest in men. He's only now sorted out a solicitor.

He has a history of bad relationships and him cheating which again, I was never aware of. To meet, he seems so genuine, warm and he's a great dad.

I had a fantastic relationship with his parents but received a passive aggressive message because I took the devices to the police station.

It's all such a mess. I've stopped my life, I'm a shell of myself. I don't see my any one. My engagement and relationship with the kids is amazing and I am a great mother. I just focus on them.

I have a picture that I want to have of us as a family in my head. But at what cost? My dignity? Self respect? Become resentful and toxic and bitter? Lead an astranged life? Dealing with pressure and worry and no trust.

Or, do I knock it on the head. Admit that this is a shambles and focus on getting my life back together without him and just make sure I am an amazing mother to the kids with no stress amd make happy memories without him.

I think out of the 7 months. Today has been the worst. As it stands, I want to leave the broken pieces where they are and get on with life. I'm not even existing and I am still quite young. I just want to have stress free fun with my kids and give them a good life.