Family and Friends Forum

Hi Mata

What you're feeling is completely normal, the questions go round and round in your head and you may never get the answers to them and if you do they might not be the answers you want.

At the start your life will be consumed with this but it will do off a bit and you will learn to get on with your life although your life will never be the same

Keep coming on and asking the questions, someone will have been through it, asked the same and come through so they can help you

You're doing great xx

Hi there

My husband has also told me that he has been addicted to porn since before we met. It also makes me feel as if the whole relationship is false and that plays a part in why I will be getting a divorce. Even though I promised to stand together in sickness and in health. In my opinion it would have been different if he admitted to everything and asked for help before getting "caught."



Mine and my children's lives are changed forever. I hope We can accept the new course our lives are taking. The recurring thoughts and ruminations take up so much headspace and energy! The only time I am not thinking about it is at work.

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Mata

everyone has given such good responses. Your not alone in going through this. Though I understand we are a virtual family and I hope we can offer support when needed.

I cant say it’s easy but we can survive one step at a time. I am six months in so still processing the loss of trust.

my doctor was lovely. I think I was lucky to have an empathetic caring practitioner. She did give me some medication for anxiety and I opened up to my sister about what was going on which was very painful but I needed to do it.

I don’t ever see me resuming my relationship but I want him to access support and get better for our daughter.

its a very complicated situation it has nothing at all to do with us and is about their internal emotions and stress. They managed their depression in a wrong way and it led them down a dark path. They hid it from us because they knew deep down what they were doing is wrong and I think the police turning up bursts this bubble for them. Recovery is a long journey some men make steps to get better and others can’t,

i am so sorry for you. We are strong together and so pleased you reached out to the group xxx

Mata, I know exactly how you feel. I spoke to my partner and told him I felt I’d been cheated on; it doesn’t matter whether it was physical or not, he EMOTIONALLY cheated on me. In some ways, that feels worse at times. He’s always been my best friend, so to feel like I don’t know him has been really tough. I am nearly two months in and I can spend time with him again, but, like you, I spent long enough not even able to look at him. I felt like I was looking at a stranger.

You’re doing so well. I know others have said it and it sounds cliché, but it does get easier with time. The pain doesn’t go away, but you find ways of coping. You find a new normal. Things will never, ever be the same, but you’ll get through it, whether with him or without him. Only you can decide on whether the two of you stay together, but just know that there’s no judgement here, and you don’t need to make any decisions right now - do things in your own time.



Lots of love xx

Hi Mata

I understand why you feel the way you do. And at the beginning of all this (ten months now) I felt the same. But now I don't.

I found it helpful to read the book Sex Addiction: The Partners Perspective by Paula Hall.

In the introduction she explains what Sex Addiction is and why it hurts partners so much. She explains that it is not about sex, wanting too much much or not being happy with what they have, but that its a 'compulsive behaviour that meets deeper psychological needs, and a condition that changes the structure of the brain. '

Although I split from my partner of 15 years, I keep in touch with him because I still care about him. We meet for coffee now and then just to talk. Why? Because I miss him, and because I want to check he is doing okay since his whole family has turned against him. And he's basically lost everything.

I just want to quote from Paula Hall's book again:' Sex addition is the most intimate wound that any partner can be forced to face and the most brutal attack a relationship can be expected to endure. But partners do survive, and so do many relationships.'

Mine didn't. Like others on this forum I took the step to move on with life alone. And I'm doing okay.

Lots of love to you all

Paula

xx