My story
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Nearly 2 years ago I discovered that my ex had downloaded illegal images on his phone. I accidentally found out when we were playing an online game and I borrowed his phone and accidentally went onto his photo album. It was my birthday, it was suppose to be a good day. The days to follow were probably some of the most traumatic, life changing days. Over night I had gone from being happy it was my birthday to ringing the police and giving a statement. The worst part is, I stayed with him. For nearly a year after I found out. I cringed whenever I saw him, in the end he tried to manipulate me into staying with him. But I managed to leave him for good and I remember the last time I saw him. I still think about him now and again because of everything that happened.
After that night I struggled to trust people and I found it so difficult to process everything. I felt so alone, no one understood what it was like to love someone who had committed a crime so horrific. I trusted him with everything and him lying to me and betraying my trust truly broke me. I'm too young to be experiencing such dark things in life.
I'm starting therapy soon and I hope that talking about it will help because I think that I've burried a lot of my feelings and my memories of it all because I'm very ashamed and hurt by it all still. It is now 2 years since it happened and I still harbour some of those feelings. Does anyone on here feel the same? And how do you all cope with these feelings?
After that night I struggled to trust people and I found it so difficult to process everything. I felt so alone, no one understood what it was like to love someone who had committed a crime so horrific. I trusted him with everything and him lying to me and betraying my trust truly broke me. I'm too young to be experiencing such dark things in life.
I'm starting therapy soon and I hope that talking about it will help because I think that I've burried a lot of my feelings and my memories of it all because I'm very ashamed and hurt by it all still. It is now 2 years since it happened and I still harbour some of those feelings. Does anyone on here feel the same? And how do you all cope with these feelings?
This must have been very hard for you, i think everyone here is shocked to have discovered this but to have also seen them and then had to report him must have been extremely difficult.
I'd really recommend counselling, StopSo can put you in contact with someone that specialises in these things. From my experience they also have good knowledge of relationship and human connections so they will be able to understand both aspects you are dealing with. I think many of us can relate to not trusting people and having self doubt having gone through this. I've decided to stay and I sometime feel guilt and shame for doing that and when I think about the chance of us being happy in the future, I wonder if my guilt and shame will allow me to do this. You have nothing to be guilt or shamed of, you did the right thing and something that would have been extremely hard to have done.
I also think that regardless of what we decide to do, this experience changes us, it is very lonley.
I'd really recommend counselling, StopSo can put you in contact with someone that specialises in these things. From my experience they also have good knowledge of relationship and human connections so they will be able to understand both aspects you are dealing with. I think many of us can relate to not trusting people and having self doubt having gone through this. I've decided to stay and I sometime feel guilt and shame for doing that and when I think about the chance of us being happy in the future, I wonder if my guilt and shame will allow me to do this. You have nothing to be guilt or shamed of, you did the right thing and something that would have been extremely hard to have done.
I also think that regardless of what we decide to do, this experience changes us, it is very lonley.