I am feeling so down today
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I feel so depressed today. My husband's knock was on July 5th and he has been released under investigation ever since.
The social worker has been okay with us and treated us fairly. My husband is allowed in the house if I supervise him. At night, he can also stay in the house, but in a different room.
We aren't on a child in need plan or a child protection plan. The social worker said she has no doubts I am a good mother and would protect my kids.
The health visitors however have been quite judgmental of me, I can feel it. For my decision to stand by my husband. They put my children ( 2 1/2 years and 10 months) on a universal plus plan. Which means I have regular visits from them, during which they can sniff around the house. They now weigh the children during every visit. How ridiculous is that to weigh a 2 1/2 year child? Both my children are a healthy weight. I know weighing them is just an excuse for them to see the children without a nappy and check for bruises.
This makes me feel so depressed. I love my children and would never hurt them.
My husband also wouldn't hurt them.
Just because he's been such an idiot and clicked on some things he shouldn't have done on kik messenger, I am now classed as a child abuser in spe.
It makes me feel so depressed being judged like this. I am guilty by association and it feels like I am living in North Korea.
My son had a fall this summer and had a bruised fingernail. I was terrified people would think that I had done this to him and that my children would be taken away. In the past, I was never scared to take my children to the GP. Now I am.
I have cried a lot today and I am feeling so low.
I know it would be good for me to see a therapist, but I am scared the therapist will think I am pathetic. Plus I can't afford therapy.
I am a big joke.
The social worker has been okay with us and treated us fairly. My husband is allowed in the house if I supervise him. At night, he can also stay in the house, but in a different room.
We aren't on a child in need plan or a child protection plan. The social worker said she has no doubts I am a good mother and would protect my kids.
The health visitors however have been quite judgmental of me, I can feel it. For my decision to stand by my husband. They put my children ( 2 1/2 years and 10 months) on a universal plus plan. Which means I have regular visits from them, during which they can sniff around the house. They now weigh the children during every visit. How ridiculous is that to weigh a 2 1/2 year child? Both my children are a healthy weight. I know weighing them is just an excuse for them to see the children without a nappy and check for bruises.
This makes me feel so depressed. I love my children and would never hurt them.
My husband also wouldn't hurt them.
Just because he's been such an idiot and clicked on some things he shouldn't have done on kik messenger, I am now classed as a child abuser in spe.
It makes me feel so depressed being judged like this. I am guilty by association and it feels like I am living in North Korea.
My son had a fall this summer and had a bruised fingernail. I was terrified people would think that I had done this to him and that my children would be taken away. In the past, I was never scared to take my children to the GP. Now I am.
I have cried a lot today and I am feeling so low.
I know it would be good for me to see a therapist, but I am scared the therapist will think I am pathetic. Plus I can't afford therapy.
I am a big joke.
You are most definetley not a joke. You are a strong and, clearly, capable person who has worked hard to keep her family together.
It's good that social services have been fair to you - their attitude makes a huge difference to how your case is dealt with. It must be obvious to them that you have your children's interests at heart, 100%. Health Visitors - shame they appear judgemental but maybe they aren't as well trained or experienced. When we had involvement, I used to try and remember that s/s and HV will (eventually) visit less often then they will stop. It's really hard, I found it a super invasive process but it wasn't forever.
It's great that you realise therapy would help you. There are many services out there who charge you based on your income e.g. Talk Listen Change. This might help you afford to be seen privately but you could also get a GP referral (thought this will likely take longer). No therapist will think you are pathetic - quite the opposite - they will think it's positive that you are seeking support when you need it. Your GP can also talk to you about anti-depressants. I've been on them for years now - there is no shame in looking after yourself.
Remember the Stop it Now helpline as well as this forum.
Sending love and positive vibes.
CMB
It's good that social services have been fair to you - their attitude makes a huge difference to how your case is dealt with. It must be obvious to them that you have your children's interests at heart, 100%. Health Visitors - shame they appear judgemental but maybe they aren't as well trained or experienced. When we had involvement, I used to try and remember that s/s and HV will (eventually) visit less often then they will stop. It's really hard, I found it a super invasive process but it wasn't forever.
It's great that you realise therapy would help you. There are many services out there who charge you based on your income e.g. Talk Listen Change. This might help you afford to be seen privately but you could also get a GP referral (thought this will likely take longer). No therapist will think you are pathetic - quite the opposite - they will think it's positive that you are seeking support when you need it. Your GP can also talk to you about anti-depressants. I've been on them for years now - there is no shame in looking after yourself.
Remember the Stop it Now helpline as well as this forum.
Sending love and positive vibes.
CMB
Hpl111
Reading your post makes me feel so angry towards social services. I know it is their job to protect vulnerable children and adults but there must be a way to do this that treats people who are not themselves guilty of any crime with some dignity, and not dehumanise them. Weighing sounds more typical of an activity that would check on the welfare of farm animals, not children, for goodness sake! I have no personal experience of social services, but if it were me I would be asking them of the specific purpose of the weighing - because that sounds to me something they would do to check on neglect (eg underfed children) which doesn't sound at all relevant in these circumstances. If it is indeed to check for bruises etc, for what reason do they think this is a risk for your children? Again it doesn't sound relevant. If they are worried about sexual abuse my understanding is that proof would require medical examination by a health professional and even that might nor be enough, so I am feeling genuinely outraged at this gross intrusion into your children's privacy and I would worry about the impact this might have on their mental well being.
Perhaps you could email social services asking them to confirm in writing the purpose of their visits, what there specific concerns are and what is the purpose and relevance of repeated weighing of your children?
Reading your post makes me feel so angry towards social services. I know it is their job to protect vulnerable children and adults but there must be a way to do this that treats people who are not themselves guilty of any crime with some dignity, and not dehumanise them. Weighing sounds more typical of an activity that would check on the welfare of farm animals, not children, for goodness sake! I have no personal experience of social services, but if it were me I would be asking them of the specific purpose of the weighing - because that sounds to me something they would do to check on neglect (eg underfed children) which doesn't sound at all relevant in these circumstances. If it is indeed to check for bruises etc, for what reason do they think this is a risk for your children? Again it doesn't sound relevant. If they are worried about sexual abuse my understanding is that proof would require medical examination by a health professional and even that might nor be enough, so I am feeling genuinely outraged at this gross intrusion into your children's privacy and I would worry about the impact this might have on their mental well being.
Perhaps you could email social services asking them to confirm in writing the purpose of their visits, what there specific concerns are and what is the purpose and relevance of repeated weighing of your children?
Sorry I just re-read your post and realise I misread it first time and that it's health visitors and not as doing the weighing. But the same thing applies - I would write to your gp practice or health authority or wherever the health visitors are based and ask those questions. Their actions seem very demeaning and I can't really think of how what they are doing actually protects your children - especially when social work are already involved. No wonder you feel down!
@Bitterbean, I found it beyond humiliating.
Shortly after the police executed their search warrant, the health visitor came over to our house. She gave me 1 day notice for the appointment (!) and was generally quite arrogant with me during the appointment, smirking a lot. When I told her I was taking the kids abroad for 2 months to visit my mother, she said : "I am warning you, be very open with the police and tell them exactly where you are going, otherwise you might be in trouble with the police". I told her that I am not under investigation and that I am innocent and don't need to tell the police about my whereabouts. She then said something like "Yes, but what happens if your husband books a flight 4 days after you, you might be in trouble with the police".
Basically, I think she was trying to accuse me of helping my husband to flee the country or something crazy like this. She just assumed that I was guilty of assisting my husband in some way with his crime without a shred of evidence. I assured her that my husband wasn't coming along and that this trip was planned a long time before all of this happened.
Nevertheless, she kept on pushing me, so I gave her the address of my mother and I also emailed the police officer in charge of the investigation, telling them the address, and the exact dates of the trip.
I know I didn't have to do this, but I was just scared and I couldn't withstand the pressure.
It is so hard being treated like an accomplice, just because you are married to someone who commited a crime.
I had absolutely no idea that my husband was looking at indecent images on kik messenger and if I had known, I would have stopped him immediately.
I have an appointment in January for another weighing appointment for the kids. After this is over, I will refuse to have them weighed as it is not standard to keep on weighing a healthy child after the age of 1.
Shortly after the police executed their search warrant, the health visitor came over to our house. She gave me 1 day notice for the appointment (!) and was generally quite arrogant with me during the appointment, smirking a lot. When I told her I was taking the kids abroad for 2 months to visit my mother, she said : "I am warning you, be very open with the police and tell them exactly where you are going, otherwise you might be in trouble with the police". I told her that I am not under investigation and that I am innocent and don't need to tell the police about my whereabouts. She then said something like "Yes, but what happens if your husband books a flight 4 days after you, you might be in trouble with the police".
Basically, I think she was trying to accuse me of helping my husband to flee the country or something crazy like this. She just assumed that I was guilty of assisting my husband in some way with his crime without a shred of evidence. I assured her that my husband wasn't coming along and that this trip was planned a long time before all of this happened.
Nevertheless, she kept on pushing me, so I gave her the address of my mother and I also emailed the police officer in charge of the investigation, telling them the address, and the exact dates of the trip.
I know I didn't have to do this, but I was just scared and I couldn't withstand the pressure.
It is so hard being treated like an accomplice, just because you are married to someone who commited a crime.
I had absolutely no idea that my husband was looking at indecent images on kik messenger and if I had known, I would have stopped him immediately.
I have an appointment in January for another weighing appointment for the kids. After this is over, I will refuse to have them weighed as it is not standard to keep on weighing a healthy child after the age of 1.
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