Physical relationship
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This is something that has been rumbling on for a while now. Anyone with thoughts or advice, I'd love to hear.
Hubby and I have been a couple for over ten years and married for roughly half of those. In fact, he was arrested just before our first wedding anniversary and served a short prison sentence the same year. Looking back, the physical side of things was only good for the first couple of years then it tailed off, gradually, until we were engaged by which point we were no longer having sex. I now know that he had a porn addiction from before we met and it had been escalting all through our relationship to the point he started talking to minors on social media and was caught. At the time though, it really upset me. I knew something was wrong but couldn't pin point it. There was no-one to discuss it with. Attempts I made to address the problem were swiftly rebuffed by him. In the end I just accepted it.
I chose to remain in the marriage and when he came home, we picked up on overdue plans to have a family (for me, sex was only about getting pregnant) I went off physical contact for a full year after having children but it was barely noticable in the midst of exhaustion, a c-section and post natal depression. Then one day my sex drive was back..like, boom! The thing was and still is, I have no desire for my husband. Other men though, yes. Perhaps it's because I feel so rejected by his offending / disrepected by the lying / stressed by the restrictions on his SHPO. Anyone else experienced anything similar? I know you'll ask why we are still together and it's because, in general, we are very good friends who parent well and have created a (mostly) great life together. There isn't anyone else.
Hubby and I have been a couple for over ten years and married for roughly half of those. In fact, he was arrested just before our first wedding anniversary and served a short prison sentence the same year. Looking back, the physical side of things was only good for the first couple of years then it tailed off, gradually, until we were engaged by which point we were no longer having sex. I now know that he had a porn addiction from before we met and it had been escalting all through our relationship to the point he started talking to minors on social media and was caught. At the time though, it really upset me. I knew something was wrong but couldn't pin point it. There was no-one to discuss it with. Attempts I made to address the problem were swiftly rebuffed by him. In the end I just accepted it.
I chose to remain in the marriage and when he came home, we picked up on overdue plans to have a family (for me, sex was only about getting pregnant) I went off physical contact for a full year after having children but it was barely noticable in the midst of exhaustion, a c-section and post natal depression. Then one day my sex drive was back..like, boom! The thing was and still is, I have no desire for my husband. Other men though, yes. Perhaps it's because I feel so rejected by his offending / disrepected by the lying / stressed by the restrictions on his SHPO. Anyone else experienced anything similar? I know you'll ask why we are still together and it's because, in general, we are very good friends who parent well and have created a (mostly) great life together. There isn't anyone else.
CrazyMayBaby
I think your experience is pretty normal and lots of people reading your post would recognise aspects of their own relationship.
Certainly going off sex, or feeling little desire, for a prolonged period after childbirth is very normal.
I really identified with you saying that you felt something was a bit off in your relationship, but couldn't pinpoint what it was. I often felt like this over the years, and then discovered after the knock that my partner had been downloading porn for over 20 years.
As for a non - physical relationship, well I'm sure that's where many of us find ourselves after the knock. Whether this will ever return, whether we can be satisfied with this even if all other aspects of the relationship are good, I can't say. I guess it depends on what you think is important in a relationship. I have been reading a lot on line about relationships since the knock. Apparently it is all about compromise. :-/ I suppose we all make sacrifices at times in our personal relationships, and you would have to decide if you think this is a worthwhile sacrifice considering everything else, and whether you are likely to regret it later.
I think your experience is pretty normal and lots of people reading your post would recognise aspects of their own relationship.
Certainly going off sex, or feeling little desire, for a prolonged period after childbirth is very normal.
I really identified with you saying that you felt something was a bit off in your relationship, but couldn't pinpoint what it was. I often felt like this over the years, and then discovered after the knock that my partner had been downloading porn for over 20 years.
As for a non - physical relationship, well I'm sure that's where many of us find ourselves after the knock. Whether this will ever return, whether we can be satisfied with this even if all other aspects of the relationship are good, I can't say. I guess it depends on what you think is important in a relationship. I have been reading a lot on line about relationships since the knock. Apparently it is all about compromise. :-/ I suppose we all make sacrifices at times in our personal relationships, and you would have to decide if you think this is a worthwhile sacrifice considering everything else, and whether you are likely to regret it later.
Yes, definitely.
I know I still have feelings for him and I have seen changes in him. He's an amazing dad and I'll be here to help him as much as I can to land on his feet again, but I still feel extremely uncomfortable about a sexual relationship with him, so we're (well mainly me) are working towards separate lives. No rush, just knowing that that is the goal takes away a lot of pressure.
I know I still have feelings for him and I have seen changes in him. He's an amazing dad and I'll be here to help him as much as I can to land on his feet again, but I still feel extremely uncomfortable about a sexual relationship with him, so we're (well mainly me) are working towards separate lives. No rush, just knowing that that is the goal takes away a lot of pressure.