Family and Friends Forum

Hello King85, No you are not being silly wanting to see his good side. I try and think that my OH is a good man that has done a bad thing. I am yet undecided about staying with my OH and I am six months post sentencing. Though it was only 3 weeks from arrest to sentence so did not have time to get my head around anything beofre we had courts etc.

I still love my OH but there are days i cannot look past what he has done. The pain and humiliation he has caused me is difficult to get past some days. But other days we have a laugh and i feel quite normal and cannot imagine life without him. This confusion is still ongoing for me.



There is no right or wrong, do what you feel is the best for you and your family. Hope this helps. It is still such early days for you. Just take it a day at a time. Xx

It's really early and I'm sure you're still in shock. No need to put pressure on yourself to make any decisions. I'm 21 months in sentencing on Thurs and I've still not decided. We have become stronger and he's so much more open and honest now I feel like I know him better. B4 he was a closed book. He's told me to take my time there's no rush but I have been there for him and we've manged to send a lot of good times together in between. I still get mused emotions but gonna try relationship counselling after all this is over. Call your go. Mine was great. Ring helpline and of course talk to us xx

I was off work for three months following the knock. My work were really understanding and even now they support me. Yes the financial side is a problem. Over night i lost two thirds of the household income! But just be kind to yourself and look after yourself throughout all of this. The shock at the beginning is very hard but you will get through this. I feel a stronger person than i was before.



And thanks to this forum, you are never alone. X

Hi, We had the knock in Nov 20 and sentencing in Feb 22. Suspended sentence 18mths and sor and shpo 10 years. I just wanted to say that I went through all the should I stay etc. I ultimately decided to stay as I believe also he is a good man who did a bad thing, and had mental health and self esteem issues which led to this. Going through this has forced him to confront the problems and start to deal with them. I think we are stronger than we were (and we were pretty strong anyway) although this was a hell of a way to get there. I wasn't entirely sure until March this year when he was arrested for a breach of shpo (which was ultimately found not to be) and went to jail for 6 weeks. I was heartbroken without him and this clarified for me that I wanted us to stay together. He is living a happier life and there are no secrets anymore. He feels released from the addictive hell he was trapped in. Without the knock we wouldn't have got to this point. It has been a nightmare journey and we have been at rock bottom and I have wondered how the hell I ever got here, but now looking back i know it needed to happen.

Everyone is different and we all have to make our own decisions, and those decisions are all valid whichever way you go. But this is a long road and those decisions should never be made lightly or when you are under intense pressure. There is great strength on this forum, and people who have had all sorts of experiences, partners, parents, siblings, and it is a huge support to know we are all here. I have posted at 2 in the morning when I felt nothing but despair and the wonderful people here helped me move forward.

I just wanted you to know that I have come through this and my relationship is intact and stronger. It felt like the end but was in fact the beginning.

Sending hugs xx

King85



Please go and get help sooner rather than later even if its just to help you sleep for a bit.

I am 4 weeks in myself and feel every bit of your pain and confusion. I was very up for trying to stay together once I had calmed down. However I have now told him that until I know everything I need to know and he gets the help he needs (which he is) we are not together.

I love my husband but not the man who has done this to me and our boys. I have by some miracle got through Christmas and today had a major blow up at him. I will be here to help him but we will see what happens.

I'm sorry you have found yourself here with the rest of us. But there are some really great people of here with amazing advice. Stay strong we are all in this together. Xx