Not sure what to think
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I hope someone can help. I am being careful what I say so please bear with me. Someone quite close to my family who has cared for my young children on a regular basis called me to say the police had seized all their computer equipment. Her husband was at work at the time and when he returned they came back for his phone and iPad which he had with him. She says they returned her computer and iPad the following day but kept his. This was because of indecent images on ip address.
He has said he accidently clicked on a link once. Is this possible? Would police really seize computers for one accidental click? I have complete trust in her I think but I am really not so sure about her husband. I have removed children from their care but I am terrified my children could be victims.
I really am in turmoil and not sure what to believe. I work in child protection and I can't believe I may have inadvertently allowed my children to be at risk.
Do you think that it could be down to an innocent accidental click or would there be several images before police got involved. My children miss her and she has distanced herself from us even though we encouraged her to keep in touch. I am a bit lost. I called the police to ask about the process as I know they can't give details but they wouldn't tell me.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
He has said he accidently clicked on a link once. Is this possible? Would police really seize computers for one accidental click? I have complete trust in her I think but I am really not so sure about her husband. I have removed children from their care but I am terrified my children could be victims.
I really am in turmoil and not sure what to believe. I work in child protection and I can't believe I may have inadvertently allowed my children to be at risk.
Do you think that it could be down to an innocent accidental click or would there be several images before police got involved. My children miss her and she has distanced herself from us even though we encouraged her to keep in touch. I am a bit lost. I called the police to ask about the process as I know they can't give details but they wouldn't tell me.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
Hi there
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news and may sound cynical but in my experience it is highly unlikely that the Police would launch a big investigation for just 1 accidental click. The arrest usually follows a period of investigation.
My husband also initially told me it was an accidental click. It ended up being years of viewing. 100s of images.
That does not mean your children are affected though. For most the interaction stays online. Social services will be involved if her house was used for childcare.
Hope this helps?
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news and may sound cynical but in my experience it is highly unlikely that the Police would launch a big investigation for just 1 accidental click. The arrest usually follows a period of investigation.
My husband also initially told me it was an accidental click. It ended up being years of viewing. 100s of images.
That does not mean your children are affected though. For most the interaction stays online. Social services will be involved if her house was used for childcare.
Hope this helps?
Hi Jane
I'm afraid I don't agree with what you've been told, the police would have been watching for quite sometime, they wouldn't have been able to get a warrant for one accidental click. My husband denied practically everything and it was 100's of images in the worse possible category plus videos.
I wouldn't worry too much about the children because I'm sure the police would have been round to friends family etc if they felt it was more than images.
It's an awful situation but I absolutely think it's more than a one off!!
Xx
I'm afraid I don't agree with what you've been told, the police would have been watching for quite sometime, they wouldn't have been able to get a warrant for one accidental click. My husband denied practically everything and it was 100's of images in the worse possible category plus videos.
I wouldn't worry too much about the children because I'm sure the police would have been round to friends family etc if they felt it was more than images.
It's an awful situation but I absolutely think it's more than a one off!!
Xx
It would be impossible to have a guess, it is possible to be investigated and be innocent but also it seems fairly common for men to deny the scale of their problem. I think its probably unlikely an accidental click on illegal images would result in this but anything is possible. How difficult for her to have to make the phone call to you, I really feel for her. I think its important to ask your children in a sensitive and age appropriate way if they have witness or experienced anything they should not have while in her care. That doesn't mean you are accusing anyone, its just peace of mind. I did quite a bit of work with my kids so I could say with confidence they were Ok, I didn't think anything had ever happened to them but for me it was important to discuss it and ask. I'm sure she is having an incredibly difficult time and will feel its best to not have much contact.
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Thank you all so much for your replies. There is no real updates but my friend is no longer contacting me. I find this very upsetting because she has such a lovely relationship with my children. I have so many times said I do not believe she has anything to do with it and that we support her but she has still distanced herself.
When I said I removed children from their care what I meant was I made other arrangements whilst we are working. We have said she is welcome to have them in our home but we do not want contact with him at the moment.
She told the police they had never been alone with him and I know this is not true. I have had messages with pictures of them having a bath (Not indecent just natural) sent by her but when I have collected them they have been left upstairs with him whilst we chat. I am scared those pictures may have been shared.
I agree that there is more to it than accidental click. Police still won't tell me anything. I don't know how to support her and keep my children protected without offending her which I fear I already have by making other arrangements.
Thanks again all I apprieciate your support.
When I said I removed children from their care what I meant was I made other arrangements whilst we are working. We have said she is welcome to have them in our home but we do not want contact with him at the moment.
She told the police they had never been alone with him and I know this is not true. I have had messages with pictures of them having a bath (Not indecent just natural) sent by her but when I have collected them they have been left upstairs with him whilst we chat. I am scared those pictures may have been shared.
I agree that there is more to it than accidental click. Police still won't tell me anything. I don't know how to support her and keep my children protected without offending her which I fear I already have by making other arrangements.
Thanks again all I apprieciate your support.
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I’m sorry to disagree with some members. I was told that in our case it was one click, one incident and that after a period of watching our IP address there were no more, which surprised the police that there was no further activity. So it can happen but I would hazard a guess that there may be more in your friends husbands case.
Who can say, wait until the results come out and they are tested in court. You are keeping your children away, they’re safe. I would try to think compassionately about your friend, she’s going through hell and has probably cut herself off given the humiliation and overwhelming sense of shame.
Who can say, wait until the results come out and they are tested in court. You are keeping your children away, they’re safe. I would try to think compassionately about your friend, she’s going through hell and has probably cut herself off given the humiliation and overwhelming sense of shame.
So I had a brief update from my friend. She said that he has not been cautioned, interviewed or charged with anything and they have returned computer equipment. I want to believe it but I am struggling. After a week of no contact I sent her a message to say I was thinking of her and she told me about no charges etc.
I just don't know what to think. Would it all be over that quickly when initially she was told it would be months. It's only been 2 weeks.
It all feels very wrong and I just can't put my finger on why it feels wrong.
Should I just say hey ho and let it go or wait for a bit longer. I am so confused.
I just don't know what to think. Would it all be over that quickly when initially she was told it would be months. It's only been 2 weeks.
It all feels very wrong and I just can't put my finger on why it feels wrong.
Should I just say hey ho and let it go or wait for a bit longer. I am so confused.
Hi Jane. It sounds unlikely that he wasn’t interviewed under caution. It seems unlikely that they got a search warrant and then just didn’t interview him - it may have been a voluntary interview, but unlikely. It is much more likely that he was released without charge and “under investigation”. This has happened to my partner - not charged, not bailed and computer equipment in a queue. Some stuff has been returned that belonged to other family members - one phone belonging to my son was returned in about 2 - 3 weeks. But everything belonging to my partner still hasn’t been looked at and it is 6 months down the line.
it’s really nice you are concerned about your friend and I understand you had concerns about your own children. However I would just respect her privacy at this time and let her come to you if she needs it. Most of us on the receiving end of this just want to hide to start with until we can figure out what is going on and what we think. What we can’t do is deal with other people’s emotions over this as well as our own. You are understandably worried about your own children, but she probably has her own very real concerns about what is going on in her life. Just send her a little text saying you are there if she needs you if you feel you can offer her a non judgemental place. It is understandable you will have your own feelings about this so if you have very firm opinions on this you may not be in the best place to offer support.
as someone who is currently going through this (and with kids of my own) I would want somebody not to gossip (I am sure you are not doing that anyway) or speculate. Believe me, when you go through this you don’t just think about your own kids, you think about possible risks to other people’s kids so I am sure your friend has thought of that too.
it’s really nice you are concerned about your friend and I understand you had concerns about your own children. However I would just respect her privacy at this time and let her come to you if she needs it. Most of us on the receiving end of this just want to hide to start with until we can figure out what is going on and what we think. What we can’t do is deal with other people’s emotions over this as well as our own. You are understandably worried about your own children, but she probably has her own very real concerns about what is going on in her life. Just send her a little text saying you are there if she needs you if you feel you can offer her a non judgemental place. It is understandable you will have your own feelings about this so if you have very firm opinions on this you may not be in the best place to offer support.
as someone who is currently going through this (and with kids of my own) I would want somebody not to gossip (I am sure you are not doing that anyway) or speculate. Believe me, when you go through this you don’t just think about your own kids, you think about possible risks to other people’s kids so I am sure your friend has thought of that too.
Hi Jane
I've never known it to be that quick, it's usually at least 6 months before the electrical equipment gets looks at.
It does seem strange and you may never know the outcome
Take care x
I've never known it to be that quick, it's usually at least 6 months before the electrical equipment gets looks at.
It does seem strange and you may never know the outcome
Take care x
Bigsigh, I was reaching out to offer support. I didn't ask about what was happening just said I was thinking of her and understood it was difficult. She said she missed us and I invited her over to see the kids. She volunteered the information. I am not being judgemental and I have tried to support her. I am not worried about the kids now they are not in contact with her husband and also i am only protecting them as best I can.
I am not a gossip and have come on this site anonymously as I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Of course I fear for my children as any parent would but have maintained with her that I don't think she would put them at risk.
It affects my kids because she does not want to see them and she is a long term friend who I have tried to support. I am in total limbo because I don't know what to do for the best.
Please don't think I am here to gossip or i am not thinking of her. I am but it's very difficult to interpret what she is telling me against the usual process.
Thanks for all the replies.
I am not a gossip and have come on this site anonymously as I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Of course I fear for my children as any parent would but have maintained with her that I don't think she would put them at risk.
It affects my kids because she does not want to see them and she is a long term friend who I have tried to support. I am in total limbo because I don't know what to do for the best.
Please don't think I am here to gossip or i am not thinking of her. I am but it's very difficult to interpret what she is telling me against the usual process.
Thanks for all the replies.
It's also difficult to go from several texts daily and at least one phone call to nothing. It hard to know how to be supportive.
Jane,
i am sure your being supportive. It’s hard when someone is in this crisis people can become paranoid, I don’t think big sigh meant anything badly.
i have told one friend and my sister both have been simply wonderful and I couldn’t cope without them. They message me once a week sometimes just sending ‘ big loves’
what I like best is being with them and just being myself and not the wife of someone who has commitment a horrible offence.
both my sister and friend can just listen and say that they don’t see him as inherently evil just a man who is in need of psychological help. There is so much stigma in society, it’s good you want to know more. For some men it’s a perverse fetish for others it’s a way of managing their own trauma or sex addiction. I don’t think my husband would have harmed a child but what he has done is still wrong. Its extremely complex. The face you want to see your friend will mean the world.
I am petrified about my future such as court hearing I don’t know if I can face it without support of my friend and sister xxx
so much love for reaching out to her xxx
i am sure your being supportive. It’s hard when someone is in this crisis people can become paranoid, I don’t think big sigh meant anything badly.
i have told one friend and my sister both have been simply wonderful and I couldn’t cope without them. They message me once a week sometimes just sending ‘ big loves’
what I like best is being with them and just being myself and not the wife of someone who has commitment a horrible offence.
both my sister and friend can just listen and say that they don’t see him as inherently evil just a man who is in need of psychological help. There is so much stigma in society, it’s good you want to know more. For some men it’s a perverse fetish for others it’s a way of managing their own trauma or sex addiction. I don’t think my husband would have harmed a child but what he has done is still wrong. Its extremely complex. The face you want to see your friend will mean the world.
I am petrified about my future such as court hearing I don’t know if I can face it without support of my friend and sister xxx
so much love for reaching out to her xxx
Fact not face obviously
I totally agree with Bethlou - the fact you want to offer some support to your friend is incredible. I don't know how I'd be coping in this situation if I didn't have a friend to talk to. My friend doesn't know the full details, mainly because it makes me feel sick to have to talk about it, but she knows enough and she doesn't pry. Instead, she is there when I need to cry, or when I need a distraction.
Xx
Xx
Hi Jane
I think we all react differently, certainly reading this forum, some people haven't told anyone and are trying to deal on their own, others have told a select few people. After a year I've told several people but there are many more that I haven't spoken with them about.
Your friend may be someone that just needs time, maybe just text her monthly saying you're there if she needs your for anything, you might find in time that she looks for support and friendship, you sound like someone who cares about her.
Xx
I think we all react differently, certainly reading this forum, some people haven't told anyone and are trying to deal on their own, others have told a select few people. After a year I've told several people but there are many more that I haven't spoken with them about.
Your friend may be someone that just needs time, maybe just text her monthly saying you're there if she needs your for anything, you might find in time that she looks for support and friendship, you sound like someone who cares about her.
Xx