Family and Friends Forum

Hi, I am in a similar position. My husband was arrested in July this year for making/distributing iioc on kik messenger.

May I ask how many devices from your son were seized and whether you live in a big city?

We live in a big city in England and had 3 mobile phones have been sent off for further forensic examination.

I wonder if your location and the number of devices affects the speed of the examination?

Wishing you lots of strength and the best possible outcome for your son.

I think we as wives or mothers of the offender are harshly judged if we choose to stand by them. It's hard, but I am convinced 90 % of the people who judge us would think and act differently if it was their family.

Hi weewitch

Why on earth would the solicitor tell you not to call, you have every right to know what's going on. If they don't want you to call the oic tell them to call them and get the information it's their job.

please don't do anything to harm yourself, you have done nothing to warrant what has happened to your family, I know that it is difficult but we are all here to help as best we can even if that is just by supporting your mentally. If you truely feel like harming yourself please seek help from your gp or Samaritans. (I hate sounding cliché with that last part, and I know it's annoying that people always say it).



the world and people are not all bad although it does look bleak at the moment.

sending virtual hugs xx

I would agree with your son's solicitor though. Please don't call the police - remember they are not your friends. I don't think the police like it if family of the offenders are supportive. The police wants the maximum, harshest sentence for our loved ones and us supporting them in court hearings goes against that. Do not trust them and watch every word you say to them.

If you want updates, ask your son's solicitor to approach the police. That is his job and partly what he is paid for.

Sorry to read your struggling WeeWitch

Ours was 20 months from knock to my son been sentanced

Its such a difficult journey to be on

I really would not bother with the police they really only want an outcome and honestly do not care about us or our loved ones

The time this journey takes is just torture

Please be kind to yourself

Sending hugs xx

WeeWitch,

The waiting is absolutely horrendous and considering the stigma attached to these offences and how "dangerous" alleged offenders are purported to be you would think there would be more urgency! I agree with the chasing of the Police, I think some of them, actually I KNOW some of them get a kick out of the suffering we go through, particularly when we choose to stay/support. However, I think it's important to chase them periodically and perhaps the solicitor could ask for an update, they should be able to inform the solicitor whether devices have gone for forensics yet or not. At least knowing whereabouts it is up to would help give you some kind of reassurance. In Lee's case it had been ongoing for a very long time and the case was shut without devices being returned or her even being informed so that is a lesson learned for the rest of us that sometimes they don't even bother to formally close things. We never ever know what's going to happen with these things because there is so much nuance to it but at least we have the forum to help support us. I hope you get some answers soon x

The only other thing to consider is submitting a complaint to the Police force in question. Look for the Code of Conduct and relate points to your complaint, tie in the issues which affect your son and your family in terms of going about your life. Obviously this isn't always something that people feel comfortable doing and it's something I didn't feel comfortable doing at the time but looking back I should've done. We feel so powerless in this situation and it isn't fair xx

My sons solicitor also advised not to chase or speak to the police, I never did ask why .

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Sorry you feel this way it's really awful the waiting .

I phoned and phones left messages in the end the OIC just egnored me .

From what I remember our solicitor said he can email for an update ever 28days .

I don't think it matters how many devices because they will done the same day I asume . We had computers taken phones iPad . The computer ect had never really been used for anything so they wouldn't take long to check but I think it just depends how many cases they have . And unfortunately they have alot .

It doesn't sound like very good advise but try not to think about it 24/7 ino its impossible . But after this wait then it's magistrates wait then crown there still alot of other issues to get threw . I'm 3 months past sentencing now I'm waiting on social ect . Everything is all to much and my brain can't take much more .

But we have made it this far and we will make it through the other side . Thoughts and hugs xx

@weewitch We're in the West Midlands as well. I hope you hear back soon! Take care xx

We're also Warwickshire had the knock the end of July so still very early into it so I'm guessing we're way off from being at the end. my husband was bailed twice then Rui in October. Heard nothing from police apart from a text to make sure he was still alive, they haven't even bothered to reply to his solicitor with a update.

He was arrested for iioc on kik also, I'd never even heard of this app until being in this situation but Iv now seen so many on here. I don't understand how this app doesn't get banned.

Hi WeeWitch,

I also wanted to say I know how you feel. It will be 18 months for us this month and we are no further forward. We are still waiting on another device to be checked and only hear from the solicitor if we chase.

For me, it comes in waves. I go through periods of functionning quite normally and then have moments where I feel a huge weight on my chest. If you continue having dark thoughts, please do call your GP, Samaritans or the helpline. Take Care. x

Hi WeeWitch,

Just another voice here to say you're not alone and I can sympathise with you. Same situation for us - 21 months and still waiting.

We also had the same advice to not contact the police and to let the solicitor chase them up.

I'm in the same boat 18 months ago we got the knock. iioc on kik platform group chat .it's killing me the unknowing of what's to come they arrested my husband for 1 cat c image and a cartoon image hopefully the outcome isn't to bad

I am so frustrated with this.

I was writing a journal entry yesterday for a potential reference for my OH.

I was just thinking about all the inpacts on our life, his and mine and I already feel we are being punished by this limbo.

He really thinks this is going to be over in a few months. We have 2 of 5 devices back as they were marked as "urgent" and he said there was nothing on them which there was not.

We are only 3 months in and I think the police are lying to us / him that this will be over soon. I think he is overly optomistic that SS will back off once he is on RUI.

Almost one year down the line and still no further on. OH arrested, RUI for 2 images A and C. Surreal! OIC initially told me it would take 3 months, after 6 months I contacted her to be told 'maybe another couple of months' ... contacted her again and told devices not back yet. Luckily our children are grown up so SS not involved .. but what if they weren't? My mind is I'm a permanent state of terror. I hate lying but that is what I feel I am doing on a daily basis ... to my family, our kids (who incidentally worship him .. he is a wonderful Dad) and friends, colleagues etc. I've turned in to a bit of a hermit, luckily working from home so don't have to see anyone. Prior to this, we had a great social life with many life long friends. It's flipping hard!
Sending love to all who are sharing this awful journey.

Unfortunity so many crimes have tech attached to them and they all need processing and with more and more online offences happing I can't see these being sped up any time soon. I'm sorry you are having to go through this but my point is it's very normal to have a long wait it's not indication of anything more or less.

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Just wanted to say EllBee that with your children as soon as theyre 16+ it becomes much easier with SS as they can decline a child in need plan themselves. There would have to be real evidence of ongoing actual significant harm for SS to do anything re your children from that age onwards