Sentencing
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So we had sentencing today. My head hurts from crying so much. It was good news in that he got a suspended sentence. The judge was very fair. Said that he was better having a suspended sentence and completing the programme of rehabilitation that probation had put together and being under their wing for 2 years, than being sent to prison where there would likely be no rehabilitation done and a shorter time under probation to complete the required work.
The bad news, he hadn't told me the full story, so more revelations, far worse than I thought. I doubt our relationship will recover from this. He has a 10 year SHPO and a rather full and detailed report is already in the media, complete with our home address which we were told wouldn't happen as he no longer lives here. I'll need to phone my kids' school tomorrow and let them know.
Edited to add, offences were communication with decoys x 2.
The bad news, he hadn't told me the full story, so more revelations, far worse than I thought. I doubt our relationship will recover from this. He has a 10 year SHPO and a rather full and detailed report is already in the media, complete with our home address which we were told wouldn't happen as he no longer lives here. I'll need to phone my kids' school tomorrow and let them know.
Edited to add, offences were communication with decoys x 2.
Omg good about sentence bad about finding out more. I can't imagine what you're going through right now why on earth are they allowed to print addresses??? We've put in a request that no addresses or photo used. He changed his name so we don't care if they put the story in. Did you not ask for full discloser on evidence? I've read everything which I also found out more too when I read it he said he didn't remember but I still don't k ow if he's telling the truth. The sent a dic pic and a pic of honsekf and he seore to me he didn't but least I know now. Wish I could give you my number so you'd have someone to talk to. Is there anyone 5o support you?
My sister is staying with me so I'm okay. He isn't good at talking about stuff and hasn't really talked to me about much after our initial conversations, but turns out he was addicted to prostitutes. He'd also called the "minors" so it was more than just online chat. I don't think seeing the evidence would have helped much. And I suppose I trusted him to tell me the truth and as have kids, the police had told me some of it so I assumed that was it. Any trust in him, I had left is completely gone.
Evening loulou74
Glad he was given a suspended sentence but sorry you had learnt of new charges that you were not prepared for
The judge was fair and I am pleased they actually said it would be better for him to not get a custodial I feel so many more offenders would benefit and attend programmes to help them and not just lock them up with no support or rehabilitation
Only you will know what decisions you will make, you have to do what is right for you
Sorry it hit the media with your address but you will get through this
Small steps xx
Glad he was given a suspended sentence but sorry you had learnt of new charges that you were not prepared for
The judge was fair and I am pleased they actually said it would be better for him to not get a custodial I feel so many more offenders would benefit and attend programmes to help them and not just lock them up with no support or rehabilitation
Only you will know what decisions you will make, you have to do what is right for you
Sorry it hit the media with your address but you will get through this
Small steps xx
Well done on getting through today and thank you for sharing xx
Ahhh honey, bless you I'm gjad you've your sister there with you, another shock for you. Give yourself a break now and allow yourself to grieve here for you x
Hi LouLou - bless you for being so so brave today although you might not feel it at the moment.
Sentencing is indeed very painful - the long wait you've endured up to it and facing up to the consequences today.
Take each day slowly / things will level out and the media circus will quickly ebb away. You will get there, so dry those tears my lovely and another hug sent x
Sentencing is indeed very painful - the long wait you've endured up to it and facing up to the consequences today.
Take each day slowly / things will level out and the media circus will quickly ebb away. You will get there, so dry those tears my lovely and another hug sent x
Aaahhh bless you Loulou you have been so so brave and I'm so pleased you got the fair outcome.
Take each day as it comes and as another step forwards-sending you a big hug
Take each day as it comes and as another step forwards-sending you a big hug
Thank you all for your support, it really does help. I'm so shocked by what I found out today, it's something that would have been going on for years and it's like he's been leading a double life. I'm so sad for my kids that their dad has done this and it's now in the public domain. If he'd been honest with me things might be different, but he hasn't been and I don't think I can ever trust him again.
Hi - I still don't know everything my son did, I don't want to - I know enough, Perhaps I bury my head in the sand but that's one reason we didn't go to court, what I did know was enough to deal with.
only you can live with your choices and of course there are your children to consider. I personally don't know how I'd cope it was my husband or partner that had commited this crime..... I don't think I'll ever trust my son again - not 100%.
let's hope you have a better Wednesday xxxxx
only you can live with your choices and of course there are your children to consider. I personally don't know how I'd cope it was my husband or partner that had commited this crime..... I don't think I'll ever trust my son again - not 100%.
let's hope you have a better Wednesday xxxxx
I'm sorry this was so hard and you were very brave for going! You'll see from my other post that I've been wavering
since the arrest I've discovered through other routes that my husband had been basically leading a double life and even aside from the charges he was lying to me about everything. I think that his sentencing (was meant to be yesterday but prison forgot to collect him so it is rearranged for next week!!) will be very hard for me to attend if I did go.
thinking of you!
since the arrest I've discovered through other routes that my husband had been basically leading a double life and even aside from the charges he was lying to me about everything. I think that his sentencing (was meant to be yesterday but prison forgot to collect him so it is rearranged for next week!!) will be very hard for me to attend if I did go.
thinking of you!
Thanks, Scared. I spoke to a family member last night who said it was like my husband was leading a double life. He always came across as a stable family man, though in hindsight, I did have doubts a couple of times, thought maybe he was having an affair at a couple of points, but we had been together 20 years, so understandable to have bad times occasionally. His behaviour has really shocked people as so unexpected.
Wow Lou it seems quite similar, we'd been together 18 yrs and oldest child is 10. Sentencing went ahead today and he got 16mths suspended, don't know all the details of the SHPO yet.
the judge and prosecution agreed not to read out his address in court but there was a reporter there who asked for his address and wasn't given it...now it's just a wait to see if/how it hits the media.
he's living elsewhere now anyway and I'm also waiting for all the social services stuff to restart next week (he was remanded in custody so assessments etc hadn't been done yet)
I hope you're still getting lots of support x
the judge and prosecution agreed not to read out his address in court but there was a reporter there who asked for his address and wasn't given it...now it's just a wait to see if/how it hits the media.
he's living elsewhere now anyway and I'm also waiting for all the social services stuff to restart next week (he was remanded in custody so assessments etc hadn't been done yet)
I hope you're still getting lots of support x
Fingers crossed for you and media, Scared, and good luck with the next bits too.
Xx
Xx
Hi scared, that's good news about the sentencing. Fingers crossed for the media.
We're okay, still lots of support, kids are doing well. Husband and I are actually talking which is good, we're in a much better place, still not in a relationship and i doubt we ever will be again, but I think we can be friends. I'm still processing everything and still have lots of questions for him but things are calming down. We still haven't heard from social services yet though. We're carrying on for now as we were with supervised visits.
We're okay, still lots of support, kids are doing well. Husband and I are actually talking which is good, we're in a much better place, still not in a relationship and i doubt we ever will be again, but I think we can be friends. I'm still processing everything and still have lots of questions for him but things are calming down. We still haven't heard from social services yet though. We're carrying on for now as we were with supervised visits.
Hi Lou
It's hit the local papers and Facebook, but only reporting the area and his name so at least no address, but people will easily know it's him.
They went into detail about the case and about his mental health but Luckily they also wrote that he was no longer living at the family children and that he 'was married at the time' so it will be clear we've separated and I'm not supporting him
it's just the feeling of thinking people will know and pity me or think I must be stupid not to have known
I did collect him from court yesterday as knew I had to see him at some point, gave me chance to get it over with and give him a list of what he has to do now to sort finances etc.
It's hit the local papers and Facebook, but only reporting the area and his name so at least no address, but people will easily know it's him.
They went into detail about the case and about his mental health but Luckily they also wrote that he was no longer living at the family children and that he 'was married at the time' so it will be clear we've separated and I'm not supporting him
it's just the feeling of thinking people will know and pity me or think I must be stupid not to have known
I did collect him from court yesterday as knew I had to see him at some point, gave me chance to get it over with and give him a list of what he has to do now to sort finances etc.
I'm sorry to hear it's in the media. Everyone that has contacted me has been clear that it was him that offended and they don't hold anything against me, so I hope this is the case for you. I've struggled to be around groups of people where I'm not sure who knows and who doesn't. I feel myself trying to minimise what he did and downplay what is in the paper, the article did sensationalise it but I still can't justify in my own mind what he did so don't know how to do that to others and I've been keen to distance myself from him, but I also don't want him judged too harshly and i do still consider him a friend. Such a weird range of emotions.