Supervised contact
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This is My first post we got the knock on the 13th of December so it's all still new and raw, my partner of 8yrs admitted as soon as they come in and explained what was going on it was one of the worst days of my life said someone had been downloading and sharing images of children and needed to search the house but because I have a disabled daughter they said they would be descrete and only took devices of his memory sticks ect I was told to end the relationship and social services would be in touch was just given a leaflet with LFF on it I didn't get to speak to my ex the next day when he cone round as my mam was here and felt like I was under pressure to give him some of his stuff and tell him to go, I've been communicating with him as he has only his dad witch he's poorly and not been given a lot of time left to live, social services closed the case saying they were happy with me keeping my daughter safe and if I decide to get back with him I have to inform them, I've been so poorly over this I've hardly been eating my sleep is terrible and I'm pushing myself for my daughter as I'm her full time unpaid carer its the only thing keeping me going, I love my ex so much and he's seeking help from LFF and has opened up about everything saying it started as watching porn and getting depressed and stressed about the pressure's of life and used it as an escapism I truly believe he is trying to change he's expressed how ashamed he feels and disgusted he is in hiself, I can't have him home as I can't deal with the pressure of social services being involved on top of my caring responsibilities I'm a very anxious person I'm going to seek help from GP and get counseling, how does supervised contact work I don't want it to be at my house but could it be somewhere public or contact centre ? What are your views how do I sort this out ? I haven't decided weather we will get back together as it's early days and my head is all over the place, my mam wants me to end all contact but it's not that easy he's a good dad and amazing support for me he wasn't just my partner but my best friend I am so lost on what to do.
Hi,
I'm so sorry you find yourself on this journey. It is still very early days for you. Did social services close the case as no contact or have they said you can supervise? I supervise contact and am ok to do this anywhere I choose including my home and his. Initially it was decided that his parents would be there too as I was pregnant at the knock and didn't know how I would react to seeing him again. My safety plan is that our daughter remains with me at all times including trips to the bathroom, any affection is to be led by her, pants work etc to be completed when appropriate and I do all of her personal care. We do manage days out in public by abiding to these rules. We generally go to zoos, swimming, parks and ball pits. When your person is charged ask him to give full disclosure to the solicitor for you so you have all the information. There is sometimes a no contact clause in their sexual harm prevention order or restrictions on where they can go but these need to be challenged by solicitor if they are not proportionate to his offences. If removed this should mean that ss get in contact post sentencing to check that you are happy with continuing to supervise contact.
In regards to your moms response, I think that's normal initially. Some of my family are supportive of my decision to support him and to leave our relationship open to the possibility of getting back together. Others aren't and that's ok. I honestly couldn't tell you how I'd react if it was one of their partners without being on this journey myself.
Eat and sleep when you can and take care of yourself. The discussion and support section gets the most traffic so it may be worth posting on there to hear more perspectives xxx
I'm so sorry you find yourself on this journey. It is still very early days for you. Did social services close the case as no contact or have they said you can supervise? I supervise contact and am ok to do this anywhere I choose including my home and his. Initially it was decided that his parents would be there too as I was pregnant at the knock and didn't know how I would react to seeing him again. My safety plan is that our daughter remains with me at all times including trips to the bathroom, any affection is to be led by her, pants work etc to be completed when appropriate and I do all of her personal care. We do manage days out in public by abiding to these rules. We generally go to zoos, swimming, parks and ball pits. When your person is charged ask him to give full disclosure to the solicitor for you so you have all the information. There is sometimes a no contact clause in their sexual harm prevention order or restrictions on where they can go but these need to be challenged by solicitor if they are not proportionate to his offences. If removed this should mean that ss get in contact post sentencing to check that you are happy with continuing to supervise contact.
In regards to your moms response, I think that's normal initially. Some of my family are supportive of my decision to support him and to leave our relationship open to the possibility of getting back together. Others aren't and that's ok. I honestly couldn't tell you how I'd react if it was one of their partners without being on this journey myself.
Eat and sleep when you can and take care of yourself. The discussion and support section gets the most traffic so it may be worth posting on there to hear more perspectives xxx
Hi yes they phoned a few days after and she seemed sympathetic as I was crying through the phonecall and at the time I hadn't even spoke to him to find out what actually happened, she said because I ended the relationship that she was fully happy I was keeping my daughter safe and that if I decide to get back with him I must phone them and inform them I wasn't thinking about supervised contact as I was so upset and she left no number or anything, I haven't decided to get back with him as of yet because i spoke to him and they are saying it could take up to 9 months now because his laptop doesn't have windows so they need to send it off for further testing ect ( I was told 8 weeks) the other reason I'm hesitant of having him home right now is he was looking at 15/16yr olds our daughter is 15 in April witch is concerning the police aren't worried about him ever touching our daughter or any other child. I've always delt with my daughters intimate care as she's vulnerable to start with and needs help with getting washed/dressed ect I've always made sure she understands about privacy, she is verbal and can communicate her wants and needs but still needs full supervision witch I've always maintained as I'm the one who understands her needs best, school are going to make a referral to a disability social worker so I can get some support or respite is it worth asking them about supervised contact?
My father was arrested 2 weeks before ypu received the knock so this is still extremely new and raw for us too.
I dont have any of the answers you need but Ive found reaching out to the helpline useful and as awful as it is.. were all in this horrendous club together.
Much love
I dont have any of the answers you need but Ive found reaching out to the helpline useful and as awful as it is.. were all in this horrendous club together.
Much love
Janey3
I think I might I've been hesitant to as when I start talking about it I just end up crying and can't get my words out but I have a GP appointment tomorrow so hopefully they'll help with my mental health I don't feel like I can talk to my family I understand where they are coming from but wish I had at least one person that wasn't so judgmental because it's making me feel worse. Thank you I feel like this is the only place I can come.
I think I might I've been hesitant to as when I start talking about it I just end up crying and can't get my words out but I have a GP appointment tomorrow so hopefully they'll help with my mental health I don't feel like I can talk to my family I understand where they are coming from but wish I had at least one person that wasn't so judgmental because it's making me feel worse. Thank you I feel like this is the only place I can come.