First contact from social - what to expect
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My husband was arrested Friday morning for sexual communication with a child. He maintains that he didn't know the person he was speaking to was underage and for the most part I believe him.
I asked the police while they were here if they considered him a risk to our daughter and they categorically said no.
He was released on bail but not allowed to come home as he can't have unsupervised contact with anyone under 18 but can otherwise carry on as normal. No restrictions online & can carry on working etc.
I have been told by the police to expect social to contact me Monday. Does anyone know what I can expect?
Thanks
I asked the police while they were here if they considered him a risk to our daughter and they categorically said no.
He was released on bail but not allowed to come home as he can't have unsupervised contact with anyone under 18 but can otherwise carry on as normal. No restrictions online & can carry on working etc.
I have been told by the police to expect social to contact me Monday. Does anyone know what I can expect?
Thanks
Hi,
I am sorry you are going through this. It is a position we never dreamt we would be in, but you will always find support on this forum here.
My husband was arrested for making/distributing indecent images of children.
When our social worker came over, she asked me what my understanding of risk was.
Irregardless of what the police said and what you personally believe, you have to make clear to the social worker that you know your husband is a risk because of what he has done and you have to tell the social worker how you will keep your children safe.
Please don't say that you don't think he is a risk and that he would never hurt your children. They will put more restrictions on you if you say this.
Good luck and I wish you lots of strength. It is so horrible and humiliating to have a stranger assess our parenting and we don't deserve to be in this position
I am sorry you are going through this. It is a position we never dreamt we would be in, but you will always find support on this forum here.
My husband was arrested for making/distributing indecent images of children.
When our social worker came over, she asked me what my understanding of risk was.
Irregardless of what the police said and what you personally believe, you have to make clear to the social worker that you know your husband is a risk because of what he has done and you have to tell the social worker how you will keep your children safe.
Please don't say that you don't think he is a risk and that he would never hurt your children. They will put more restrictions on you if you say this.
Good luck and I wish you lots of strength. It is so horrible and humiliating to have a stranger assess our parenting and we don't deserve to be in this position
Thanks hpl
My husband is still maintaining he didn't know the person he was speaking to was underage. I had a call from the oic yesterday who asked me what he had told me. I told her he said he was arrested for sexual communication with a minor via Snapchat but he said he didn't know. Her response was 'well some of that is true' but wouldn't tell me anything. I also had a call from a social worker yesterday who spoke to me about how I felt / how my daughter was. I told her that my daughter is struggling without seeing him but I understood that although he is maintaining his innocence there is a chance he is lying to me and although I want to believe him protecting my daughter is my priority. She said they can have phone contact because she knows it's hard on kids too and the police would always consider him guilty while they investigate.
I then had another call from social today to arrange an appointment for Monday next week to talk to me & my daughter. I really want him home but how do I tell them that we want at least supervised contact if he can't come back without them saying I'm minimilising?
How much can I expect them to be judging me as a mum in general? I plan to have my a game on that day but honestly I don't know if I'll be able to, I've not been 100% since the day he was arrested.
Thanks again
My husband is still maintaining he didn't know the person he was speaking to was underage. I had a call from the oic yesterday who asked me what he had told me. I told her he said he was arrested for sexual communication with a minor via Snapchat but he said he didn't know. Her response was 'well some of that is true' but wouldn't tell me anything. I also had a call from a social worker yesterday who spoke to me about how I felt / how my daughter was. I told her that my daughter is struggling without seeing him but I understood that although he is maintaining his innocence there is a chance he is lying to me and although I want to believe him protecting my daughter is my priority. She said they can have phone contact because she knows it's hard on kids too and the police would always consider him guilty while they investigate.
I then had another call from social today to arrange an appointment for Monday next week to talk to me & my daughter. I really want him home but how do I tell them that we want at least supervised contact if he can't come back without them saying I'm minimilising?
How much can I expect them to be judging me as a mum in general? I plan to have my a game on that day but honestly I don't know if I'll be able to, I've not been 100% since the day he was arrested.
Thanks again
Hi, I know not every social worker is the same and it totally depends on who you get and your local authorities policies and managers but with my first visit (on the day of arrest) I went into battle mode and outright said my boys will be having a relationship with their dad and that I would be supporting my husband (he came back from the arrest and told me about a spiralling porn addiction leading to viewing iioc) and that no one can tell me who I can and cannot have a relationship with and noone could know what past history we had already come through.
I also asked what kind of a role model would I be if at the first sign of an issue I abandon my husband when he needs me the most.
However I did say I would protect them and do supervised contact in the home until they had done their assessment on us but the plan should always be to have him home as a family.
During my assessment when asked did I think my husband was a risk to my children my only answer was everyone is as who do you really know and trust apart from yourself, I don't know you so you are as much of a risk, they never asked again.
I would say though do lots of reading and a safe guarding course if possible and devise your own safety plan, we did all of this before my assessment to prove we were taking it seriously and I sent all the info to my social worker on an email as proof.
My husband has been home permanently from 4 months after the knock after a detailed assessment of myself. We are now 1 month past sentencing and today got told social were happy with a call they had with me about me knowing the convictions and so our car works not be reopened.
I know everyone isn't this lucky and I don't know if we got a "good" social worker or it was my bluntness upfront or the reading/courses/plan we did before being asked but I thought I would share a snippet of our social journey.
I wish you all the best xx
I also asked what kind of a role model would I be if at the first sign of an issue I abandon my husband when he needs me the most.
However I did say I would protect them and do supervised contact in the home until they had done their assessment on us but the plan should always be to have him home as a family.
During my assessment when asked did I think my husband was a risk to my children my only answer was everyone is as who do you really know and trust apart from yourself, I don't know you so you are as much of a risk, they never asked again.
I would say though do lots of reading and a safe guarding course if possible and devise your own safety plan, we did all of this before my assessment to prove we were taking it seriously and I sent all the info to my social worker on an email as proof.
My husband has been home permanently from 4 months after the knock after a detailed assessment of myself. We are now 1 month past sentencing and today got told social were happy with a call they had with me about me knowing the convictions and so our car works not be reopened.
I know everyone isn't this lucky and I don't know if we got a "good" social worker or it was my bluntness upfront or the reading/courses/plan we did before being asked but I thought I would share a snippet of our social journey.
I wish you all the best xx
My husband was arrested for 2 x chats with decoy and we have had supervised access at home from point of arrest (he was charged the same day, no doubt he did it). He had the same bail conditions as yours. Kids are teenagers so that helps but social worker has always been very reasonable.
Thanks, I have done some more reading. I am more clued up about these things than I ever thought I would be!
I've also had a chat on the stop it now live chat who have linked me to their family safety plan, I will work on this over the next few days, although looking at it briefly the guidance seems inline with what we do anyway so after feeling awful the last few days I feel like I've had a little parenting win. (Got to take the small victories when they come!)
My husbands family all know now as the police have been calling round asking them questions about him. All because we saw them and their kids briefly (less than 30 mins) on Christmas Day. His mum at least seems to be supportive at this point, let's hope that continues
I've also had a chat on the stop it now live chat who have linked me to their family safety plan, I will work on this over the next few days, although looking at it briefly the guidance seems inline with what we do anyway so after feeling awful the last few days I feel like I've had a little parenting win. (Got to take the small victories when they come!)
My husbands family all know now as the police have been calling round asking them questions about him. All because we saw them and their kids briefly (less than 30 mins) on Christmas Day. His mum at least seems to be supportive at this point, let's hope that continues