Children of offenders
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I feel so guilty that my children have a Dad who is on the SOR.
I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do about it.
If I stay am I not giving my children the best I can in life?
if I leave, I would break the children's hearts anyway, they adore their dad.
they are approaching the dreaded teenage years, they know what's happened.
in some ways it's brought them closer together - has this happened to anyone else?
im am worried about how it will affect them mentally later on.
I am worried about other kids saying things to them as they get older, parents talk, any advice how to prepare and deal with this?
Is there anyone on here who maybe went through this as a child themselves?
im so angry with him for putting our children in this situation and don't know what to do for the best x
I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do about it.
If I stay am I not giving my children the best I can in life?
if I leave, I would break the children's hearts anyway, they adore their dad.
they are approaching the dreaded teenage years, they know what's happened.
in some ways it's brought them closer together - has this happened to anyone else?
im am worried about how it will affect them mentally later on.
I am worried about other kids saying things to them as they get older, parents talk, any advice how to prepare and deal with this?
Is there anyone on here who maybe went through this as a child themselves?
im so angry with him for putting our children in this situation and don't know what to do for the best x
Hi Jayjay,
As you no I had a teenager when my oh got arrested and through the court and we had no bother, my youngest hasn't had any trouble but I think a few people knew it's hard but u can work through it if u want to, its hard going but u have to do wats right for u xx
As you no I had a teenager when my oh got arrested and through the court and we had no bother, my youngest hasn't had any trouble but I think a few people knew it's hard but u can work through it if u want to, its hard going but u have to do wats right for u xx
Hi
I've got a 13 and a 3year old and two step kids aged 6 and 7, the teen knows what's going on, the others think dad works away (he's remanded atm but will most likely end up imprisoned properly) between myself and the baby mum we have no idea what to tell the kids, we know eventually he will be released and will probably get some kind of visitation however he will never be living with me again no matter how much I love him (well at least not until the kids are full grown) it's not because I think he will hurt the kids physically it's because of what they will have ti face if he lived home and was on sor etc. as you said parents talk and it's a big issue ti have to explain to the kids let alone other parents as to why he can't be certain places or can't see plays/games etc. I'm just as lost as you are
I've got a 13 and a 3year old and two step kids aged 6 and 7, the teen knows what's going on, the others think dad works away (he's remanded atm but will most likely end up imprisoned properly) between myself and the baby mum we have no idea what to tell the kids, we know eventually he will be released and will probably get some kind of visitation however he will never be living with me again no matter how much I love him (well at least not until the kids are full grown) it's not because I think he will hurt the kids physically it's because of what they will have ti face if he lived home and was on sor etc. as you said parents talk and it's a big issue ti have to explain to the kids let alone other parents as to why he can't be certain places or can't see plays/games etc. I'm just as lost as you are
Hey Dawn, good to hear from you, how are you getting on? So have your kids managed ok mentally, so you talk about it often? Xx
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Hi Dragon,
I had made the decision to stay, but I'm just having a wobble for the kids sakes and what their lives may look like in the future.
partner is back home with us, kids know what he did but I don't think they understand the full picture of things yet. Some things they don't need to know others they will when things come up but I want to alleviate the worries best I can and hope they can have a normal and happy life x
I had made the decision to stay, but I'm just having a wobble for the kids sakes and what their lives may look like in the future.
partner is back home with us, kids know what he did but I don't think they understand the full picture of things yet. Some things they don't need to know others they will when things come up but I want to alleviate the worries best I can and hope they can have a normal and happy life x
Hi Jayjay,
My eldest as I mentioned suffers with mh anyway but she has never let wat her dad got done for affect her, she knows he has always been a great dad and a great husband, [ it's weird because u would think this would affect her but he doesn't and she will stand up for him but yet other things she lets get to her, if that makes sense ] youngest it hasn't really affected from others she does ask but I keep telling when she is older I will tell her because she is not fully understanding and would probably go in and tell the kids which then may affect her and I don't want that, the only thing that affects her is dad doesn't live with us and she desperately wants him home, As do we all xx
My eldest as I mentioned suffers with mh anyway but she has never let wat her dad got done for affect her, she knows he has always been a great dad and a great husband, [ it's weird because u would think this would affect her but he doesn't and she will stand up for him but yet other things she lets get to her, if that makes sense ] youngest it hasn't really affected from others she does ask but I keep telling when she is older I will tell her because she is not fully understanding and would probably go in and tell the kids which then may affect her and I don't want that, the only thing that affects her is dad doesn't live with us and she desperately wants him home, As do we all xx
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Dawn I do hope your OH does get to come home soon, it sounds like your kids really miss having him around
I worry about my children. They are all adults living at home. One of them finished with their partner as they were not supporting them and could not deal with it. The other is getting married abroad so OH will not be able to go. They are marrying a citizen of another country so not just doing it as a choice. I worry about future partners, how and when to disclose, will this affect their relationship etc. will the partners demand no contact with me as, at present, i am still living with OH.
The one marrying, they want children, how will that go as they will be living in another country so in normal times would stay with us. This is affecting every corner of my life, and the childrens, now and the future.
I agree Biiterbean, they are making things so much worse, and eveyone wants them to suffer now and for the rest of their lives. But we will suffer as well.
It is never ending. X
The one marrying, they want children, how will that go as they will be living in another country so in normal times would stay with us. This is affecting every corner of my life, and the childrens, now and the future.
I agree Biiterbean, they are making things so much worse, and eveyone wants them to suffer now and for the rest of their lives. But we will suffer as well.
It is never ending. X
My child has asked for a friend over, their parents have been fully supportive and aware throughout, no secrets, visor is aware, it's all logged and will be fully supervised.
They've suddenly decided no.
Children know what partner did but not much more information of the impact on our lives. I had planned to deal with things as and when they came about.
How do I tell them they are never going to be allowed any friends over ever? We are lonely.
We used to be socialable. I feel like we are going to have nobody and live a lonely life x
They've suddenly decided no.
Children know what partner did but not much more information of the impact on our lives. I had planned to deal with things as and when they came about.
How do I tell them they are never going to be allowed any friends over ever? We are lonely.
We used to be socialable. I feel like we are going to have nobody and live a lonely life x
Hi Bitterbean,
Thank u, we all miss having him here but I just didnt have the fight in me with everything we went through, but his new visor person seemed keen to see if he could come home, bur then she was supposed to visit beginning of December and we haven't heard from her, but having just lost my dad it's probably better x
Thank u, we all miss having him here but I just didnt have the fight in me with everything we went through, but his new visor person seemed keen to see if he could come home, bur then she was supposed to visit beginning of December and we haven't heard from her, but having just lost my dad it's probably better x
Hi Jayjay,
Who has said no? The parents or ss?
Who has said no? The parents or ss?
The parents decided no, after previously being ok with it.
sorry for your loss Dawn x
sorry for your loss Dawn x
its almost like I'm saying we need to either choose having Dad live with us and never ever have friends over ...... or we send Dad packing and you can have friends over.
in simple terms that's it isn't it?
I had a conversation with the visor about visitors and what if we just made sure partner was out if we had a child visited, they said we should still disclose to parents prior and let visor know if children are going to visit as they need to check he wouldn't be here so protect both sides.
so sad that our lives have come to this.
I worry about their social relationships too there's no children their ages in our family either :(
in simple terms that's it isn't it?
I had a conversation with the visor about visitors and what if we just made sure partner was out if we had a child visited, they said we should still disclose to parents prior and let visor know if children are going to visit as they need to check he wouldn't be here so protect both sides.
so sad that our lives have come to this.
I worry about their social relationships too there's no children their ages in our family either :(
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Dawn sorry to hear about your Dad, do hope the visor person comes up with some positive plans for your family though
Certainly is Bitterbean, I don't know if I've been fooling myself into thinking we can have quite a normal life.
when I look back at my teenage years I always had friends round, it's when we learn and grow, I don't want my kids to be lonely, I'm just so stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Have you been able to see your grandchildren since this started? X
when I look back at my teenage years I always had friends round, it's when we learn and grow, I don't want my kids to be lonely, I'm just so stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Have you been able to see your grandchildren since this started? X
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I'm sorry bitterbean, that's very sad.
we can totally see why people choose to cut out our loved ones, that's their choice and before we were in this situation we probably would have felt the same.
But what I struggle with is how they treat us, the partners. I feel like screaming WE HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!
it's sad that you can't have a relationship with your grandchildren and they are missing out too. Hopefully in time they will come round x
we can totally see why people choose to cut out our loved ones, that's their choice and before we were in this situation we probably would have felt the same.
But what I struggle with is how they treat us, the partners. I feel like screaming WE HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!
it's sad that you can't have a relationship with your grandchildren and they are missing out too. Hopefully in time they will come round x
Thanks Jayjay
I hope so too
I hope so too
Bitterbean that is such an awfully sad situation.
Did you have a good relationship with your grandchild's mum before all this happened?
How long has it been since she found out about things?
I know myself I feel with some people there is a window of time to engage with them like initially when they first hear about it they're in shock and can be best to give them some time to process but then there's the fear that if too much time passes that the relationship will not be reconcilable... Does that make sense?
I had someone close to me not speak to me for a year over it but now we get on well tg
Did you have a good relationship with your grandchild's mum before all this happened?
How long has it been since she found out about things?
I know myself I feel with some people there is a window of time to engage with them like initially when they first hear about it they're in shock and can be best to give them some time to process but then there's the fear that if too much time passes that the relationship will not be reconcilable... Does that make sense?
I had someone close to me not speak to me for a year over it but now we get on well tg
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