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Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 9:52amReport post

We got the knock about a month ago. My son he is 19. Laptop and Phone taken. Told they will take 4 -5 months before they are looked at. I am terrified my husband is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Im trying to hold it all together . My son is putting a brave face on but I know he is struggling. After a couple of rough years his life was back on track and now this.

scaredandconfused

Member since
June 2021

437 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 10:55amReport post

It's still very fresh. When you feel ready ring the helpline they are really helpful they also do course's for you and husband aswell as your son. These can help you understand better. I'd like to say the first few days are hard but it's all hard try take one day at a time. Self care is a massive must to help you get through this x

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 1:41pmReport post

Thank you for your reply. It means a lot. I know through reading some of the posts that so many people are going through this. I will be looking at the courses and will take any help I can get. Trying not to think too far forward but so worried for my son.I hate what he has done but I love him so much.

Jayjay

Member since
December 2021

695 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 10:54pmReport post

Please disregard the time scale they are rarely correct, it could be anything from months to years. Stick together and keep talking to each other. Maybe seek some counselling? Give the helpline a call. Have a look through the website, safer lives and StopSo. Get your son to engage with courses and counselling (this will also look better in court). X

Lola53

Member since
May 2021

269 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 10:31amReport post

As the others have said, disregard the timescales - they're totally misleading - and practice self-care. Just put one foot in front of the other, arm yourself with information and definitely get your son enrolled on a course or some form of counselling.

Crucially, keep talking to us on here, it's your lifeline. Sending huge hugs xxx

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 5:13pmReport post

Thanks so much for your replies. I know I will get through it because I have to. I know from reading on here timescales are all over the place. Just taking it one day at a time. Thanks again so glad you good people are here.

WeeWitch

Member since
June 2021

74 posts

Posted Mon January 16, 2023 9:25amReport post

Hello, another Mum here xx Not to alarm you but in our case we are 19 months from the knock and devices taken and still no further on. No word ,no nothing. Look after yourself and know you are not alone xxx

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Mon January 16, 2023 10:39amReport post

Hi wee witch im so sorry to hear that. Can I ask you did they give you any idea of the timescale at the knock? The officer said 4 months but told me if we where elsewhere it could be 17 months. Surely it would be better for them to overestimate the time it would take not underestimate.

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Mon January 16, 2023 10:55amReport post

Good morning. We got the knock may 2022 police told us it could take 2 months and with my son being under 18 at the time they would try and hurry it through. Unfortunately this did not happen and we got 2nd knock jan 2023 just after my son had turned 18 so will now be treated as an adult.

Sending you strength xx

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Mon January 16, 2023 11:54amReport post

Thanks. Yes my son was 18 at time of offence, 19 now. Do you ever get any updates?

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Mon January 16, 2023 12:13pmReport post

I rang constantly for updates but kept getting told its with forensics. It has now gone to cps and we are to attend police station end of march I suspect for cps decision. The waiting Is horrendous. But we will all get through this. Stay strong xxx

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Mon January 16, 2023 12:43pmReport post

Thanks KT . Glad you have some progress scary as it is.

Maij

Member since
December 2020

287 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 1:18amReport post

Hello
We all empathise with you on here and feel you pain and do not judge anyone. You and your husband must look after yourselves. The next few months will be difficult , its the unknown, so please come on here for support The individual stories on here particularly from a mums/ parent perspective will help you . Its does get better x



with regards to your son, he must be open and honest with the police about what he has accessed, so they don't come across any additional surprises on his devices as this may go against him and he will have to have another interview.



my son has completed the inform plus course and he continues with his stopso councellor he was 23 when he reported himself to the police and received a caution.



Wishing you both well and I do hope you and your son all have a positive outcome



maij

Edited Fri January 20, 2023 2:31am

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 9:42amReport post

Hi Maij. He hasnt really been questioned yet , He has had his devices taken and told that how they proceed will depend on what they find. He is not opening up much to me and his dad, he has done the LF modules and I want to get him some one on one counselling. He just clams up when we try to talk to him, I feel like he thinks if he just acts normal it will all go away.

HelpMe

Member since
June 2022

140 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 11:00amReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu August 10, 2023 1:45pm

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 11:14amReport post

Thank you. I Am grateful for all advice received.

Sad_and_scared

Member since
December 2022

35 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 11:22amReport post

Make sure all three of you get in touch with the helpline, it's really useful for the offender and the family that love them.

Police expect 'no comment' interviews and won't take it personally - they will get their evidence from forensics. Just don't lie to them, be polite and non-threatening, observe any bail conditions or 'advice' if RUI and look seriously at the information they will have given your son for getting help.

Maij

Member since
December 2020

287 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 5:16pmReport post

Hi helpme

With regards to self disclosing . We as parents had no part to play in this at all. This was my sons choice , when he told us about what he had viewed, it was my son who informed us that he was going to the police about it. Needless to say we were devastated and extremely concerned and thought, it this right? , should he do this?, he never had the knock . On reflection, if I am honest We didn't want him to disclose but I am pleased he did because the main aim was that he took ownership, responsibility for his actions and is accountable he wanted help in stopping viewing porn and travelling down this awful pathway . The only way was to self disclose. He always had a solicitor with him, it never reached court or the media.

What I am advising is that he should be open and honest with what he is being asked and what he can remember . If he can't remember thats a different thing. If he denies everything then they find hundreds or thousands of illegal material then that dosen't bode well for his honesty and also for convincing individuals in wanting to get help to address this behaviour.

i believe my son recieved a caution because of his honesty and willingness to self disclose and address his behaviour through doing the inform plus and regular counselling .

anotherworriedmum - I wish you and your son all the very best on this sad and fifficult journey - big hug x

take care all, and I hope this journey ends positively for all concerned x

Edited Fri January 20, 2023 5:48pm

Alison20

Member since
March 2021

361 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 5:48pmReport post

Hello AnotherWorriedMum

After reading your post I would advise any further communications with the police includes making sure a solicitor is present.

When the police contact your son again they may say they want your son to attend a voluntary interview and it is so important that your son has a solicitor with him at this interview so he can advise him legally.

Do not be fooled at any stage if the police seem to want what is best for your son, they are only interested in securing a conviction.

Thinking of you and your son.

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

129 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 5:56pmReport post

Yes , do you advise we speak to a solicitor before the police come back to me. It is further complicated in that we live in one city which is where he is being investigated but son is in another city at uni.

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 6:13pmReport post

Hi Another worried Mum. Just really want to second what Alison has said, don't be fooled by the police, they made us think they would rush through my sons case before he turned 18 and made us feel like they were on our side. They definitely are not, and they want convictions. Just take each day as it comes but I would definitely reccomend speaking to a solicitor so they can attend police station with your son. Xxx

Alison20

Member since
March 2021

361 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 7:30pmReport post

Hi Another Worried Mum

It maybe good to be one step ahead and speak with some solicitors to have the opportunity to decide which one you feel will be best to represent your son. When the police do contact your son again it may be good to know that you already chosen a solicitor which can feel somewhat reassuring, at a time when all your worries and emotions become heightened again.

Alison20

Member since
March 2021

361 posts

Posted Fri January 20, 2023 7:43pmReport post

Hi Kt

I am so sorry your son has turned 18 and now his case is with the CPS.

I feel very strongly about the injustice that your son will now be treated as an Adult when he was only 16 years old when this all happened. This sadly is happening to many youths stuck in the long delays of the criminal justice system and it is so wrong that this is allowed to happen.

All you can do is make sure that it is well documented that your son was only a youth so that this can be taken into account when he is tried as an Adult, if his case goes to court.

Thinking of you and your son .