Never Going To End
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OH had his plea hearing last week (pled guilty) and immediately signed on the SOR as required.
Since the knock I have PTSD and am a wreck when hearing a car door outside or if the doorbell goes. OH suggested that if/when the PPU came I could go out if I couldn't handle staying home and dealing with it. Had first visit a couple of days ago and I decided to stay and see it through. I have to say they were nice and OH said they weren't judgemental as he'd expected they would be.
But, and I haven't told him this, since then I've felt terrible and hardly slept. My anxiety is just out of control. They were talking about him having to go the police station once a year to re register, and that if any of his payment cards expire etc he must go and notify them within 3 days of receiving a new card, things like that.
It has suddenly hit me that sentencing still isn't going to be the end, or when things start to get better. Even if he doesn't get a custodial, this is going to be with us for the next 5 years, and really, for the rest of our lives.... I'm so terrified (and I know he is too) that he'll unknowingly do something wrong, & will end up arrested again.
I keep crying and just don't know how I can live like this for the rest of my life. I thought I'd got my head around it all as much as is possible in this situation we find ourselves in, and that I was sure of my decision to support him and stay with him. But the thought of spending the rest of my life wondering what's around the corner just terrifies me.
Since the knock I have PTSD and am a wreck when hearing a car door outside or if the doorbell goes. OH suggested that if/when the PPU came I could go out if I couldn't handle staying home and dealing with it. Had first visit a couple of days ago and I decided to stay and see it through. I have to say they were nice and OH said they weren't judgemental as he'd expected they would be.
But, and I haven't told him this, since then I've felt terrible and hardly slept. My anxiety is just out of control. They were talking about him having to go the police station once a year to re register, and that if any of his payment cards expire etc he must go and notify them within 3 days of receiving a new card, things like that.
It has suddenly hit me that sentencing still isn't going to be the end, or when things start to get better. Even if he doesn't get a custodial, this is going to be with us for the next 5 years, and really, for the rest of our lives.... I'm so terrified (and I know he is too) that he'll unknowingly do something wrong, & will end up arrested again.
I keep crying and just don't know how I can live like this for the rest of my life. I thought I'd got my head around it all as much as is possible in this situation we find ourselves in, and that I was sure of my decision to support him and stay with him. But the thought of spending the rest of my life wondering what's around the corner just terrifies me.
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Hi WorseThanAnyNightmare,
Honestly I have felt u r now but it does get easier, and going to register every year isn't too bad either it literally takes a few mins we are going to be 3 years post sentence come November, and honestly it is not that bad, we have had to go tell them about change of cards to and he has literally been about 2 mins, please don't worry xx it does get easier.
Also we hardly see his police person, they have literally only ever seen him once a year, he had a new one come the end of his probation and she was supposed to come see us beand we are still beginning of December and we are still waiting we have been lucky on this front and with probation ( that has ended now )
Sending love
Honestly I have felt u r now but it does get easier, and going to register every year isn't too bad either it literally takes a few mins we are going to be 3 years post sentence come November, and honestly it is not that bad, we have had to go tell them about change of cards to and he has literally been about 2 mins, please don't worry xx it does get easier.
Also we hardly see his police person, they have literally only ever seen him once a year, he had a new one come the end of his probation and she was supposed to come see us beand we are still beginning of December and we are still waiting we have been lucky on this front and with probation ( that has ended now )
Sending love
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Bitterbean and worse than any nightmare I completely agree with what you are saying.
We have sentencing at the end of this month and I am petrified about the potential outcome.
We have been told by the solicitor that it is most likely to be a suspended sentence so obviously hoping that will be the case.
If it results in a custodial sentence then neither my person or myself will survive it and will take action accordingly.
However I am also aware that a suspended sentence will involve intrusion into the life of not only my person but also my partner and myself since he currently lives with us.
I have PTSD following the knock in 2021 and panic attacks even seeing a police car on the TV and worry about every knock on the door.
I don't for one minute condone what my person did-he made a stupid mistake on one day in one chat with a decoy but to punish the whole family is cruel and unfair we are also victims not just collateral damage.
We have sentencing at the end of this month and I am petrified about the potential outcome.
We have been told by the solicitor that it is most likely to be a suspended sentence so obviously hoping that will be the case.
If it results in a custodial sentence then neither my person or myself will survive it and will take action accordingly.
However I am also aware that a suspended sentence will involve intrusion into the life of not only my person but also my partner and myself since he currently lives with us.
I have PTSD following the knock in 2021 and panic attacks even seeing a police car on the TV and worry about every knock on the door.
I don't for one minute condone what my person did-he made a stupid mistake on one day in one chat with a decoy but to punish the whole family is cruel and unfair we are also victims not just collateral damage.
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Hi Bitterbean,
I am sorry I've not meant to upset or offend anyone, I'm just trying to explain we haven't found it to be too much of an issue.
Sorry if I have upset or offended
I am sorry I've not meant to upset or offend anyone, I'm just trying to explain we haven't found it to be too much of an issue.
Sorry if I have upset or offended
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6 months post sentencing here, I don't think Dawn is minimising. The visor visits literally once or twice a year (depending on risk). My partner had been to the station to give notice of holiday abroad, to change his address and to update bank details. It doesn't take long and the police were lovely with him. Every time you go to make a change and 'sign' the year starts again.
it's hard worrying about 'what if we get caught out' but I think in time things will become second nature. I'm anxious about everything at the minute which makes me question everything we do, but I hope in time we will be a bit more relaxed about it. There's nothing we can go about it so just gotta roll with it x
it's hard worrying about 'what if we get caught out' but I think in time things will become second nature. I'm anxious about everything at the minute which makes me question everything we do, but I hope in time we will be a bit more relaxed about it. There's nothing we can go about it so just gotta roll with it x
Hi bitterbean,
Sorry I misunderstood, I can see wat ur saying, I felt that in I couldn't fight back with ss as they had ground me down so much, but I think we have been lucky in regards to the visor side of things like I say, he started off with 1 back in 2020 ( end of 2020 ) I think we saw him once in 2021 and then he got a new one early last year who was helpful and then my hubby finished probation in November and he was given another 1, a lady this time and she seemed lovely, and we haven't heard from her since, I appreciate not every one is so lucky but they haven't bothered us and he pops it to do his registration and than its all done very quick.
I think the worse parts are obviously the waiting for wat will happen, obviously the court and whether u make the papers, they were are worse parts to be honest, oh and ss.
I think all the dread people feel I wanted to show it doesn't have to feel bad after sentencing if that makes sense xx
You didn't upset me I just felt I had offered and didn't want too xx
Sorry I misunderstood, I can see wat ur saying, I felt that in I couldn't fight back with ss as they had ground me down so much, but I think we have been lucky in regards to the visor side of things like I say, he started off with 1 back in 2020 ( end of 2020 ) I think we saw him once in 2021 and then he got a new one early last year who was helpful and then my hubby finished probation in November and he was given another 1, a lady this time and she seemed lovely, and we haven't heard from her since, I appreciate not every one is so lucky but they haven't bothered us and he pops it to do his registration and than its all done very quick.
I think the worse parts are obviously the waiting for wat will happen, obviously the court and whether u make the papers, they were are worse parts to be honest, oh and ss.
I think all the dread people feel I wanted to show it doesn't have to feel bad after sentencing if that makes sense xx
You didn't upset me I just felt I had offered and didn't want too xx
Hi Jayjay,
I can totally relate to wat u say as u no we r 2 years post sentence and I still worry and panick and go right we have to do this or that because like u we don't want them getting into trouble for silly things, if that makes sense. I think all the crop I had with ss everything else seemed like a walk in the park and it's them that caused my ptsd.
I can totally relate to wat u say as u no we r 2 years post sentence and I still worry and panick and go right we have to do this or that because like u we don't want them getting into trouble for silly things, if that makes sense. I think all the crop I had with ss everything else seemed like a walk in the park and it's them that caused my ptsd.
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Hi Bitterbean,
Have u had to give ur detail's in too? Am I misunderstanding? Or maybe innocently am minimising this part, but I just think everything we have been through this is a piece of cake, sorry if it comes across wrong, I just think we have been very lucky and I appreciate that, not everyone is as lucky as us x
To be fair I think the lady was more interested in our sex life than the others were, which when my oh told me I was a bit like why is that all of a sudden an issue but she was new so I'm hoping that's as far as it goes as I don't really want them knowing about our see life or lack of lol
Have u had to give ur detail's in too? Am I misunderstanding? Or maybe innocently am minimising this part, but I just think everything we have been through this is a piece of cake, sorry if it comes across wrong, I just think we have been very lucky and I appreciate that, not everyone is as lucky as us x
To be fair I think the lady was more interested in our sex life than the others were, which when my oh told me I was a bit like why is that all of a sudden an issue but she was new so I'm hoping that's as far as it goes as I don't really want them knowing about our see life or lack of lol
"If it results in a custodial sentence then neither my person or myself will survive it and will take action accordingly."
Hi seaside was just scrolling through this thread and this line made me want to check in with you... I'm hoping you maybe mean your relationship with the person wouldn't survive or something like that...
You are stronger than you know. No matter what happens, you have done nothing wrong here and you will get through it. Time is a great healer.
Also, maybe try not to make too many plans for your future self, you haven't met her yet! Like what seems insurmountable now, in the future when you're past it, it won't seem as monumental
Now I just need to follow my own advice.
Mind yourself xx
Hi seaside was just scrolling through this thread and this line made me want to check in with you... I'm hoping you maybe mean your relationship with the person wouldn't survive or something like that...
You are stronger than you know. No matter what happens, you have done nothing wrong here and you will get through it. Time is a great healer.
Also, maybe try not to make too many plans for your future self, you haven't met her yet! Like what seems insurmountable now, in the future when you're past it, it won't seem as monumental
Now I just need to follow my own advice.
Mind yourself xx
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