Family and Friends Forum

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 12:00pmReport post

so I am 6 months in now. I am due to go back to work next week on a phased return which is good, I need to be back in the real world after so much time off sick.

i do still get extreme anxious emotions. Often if the door bell goes and it brings me right back to the vulnerability of the knock.

I do think it’s going to be a long while till I feel like myself. I know I have changed and I am not the happy go lucky girl I once was I am more reserved and I fee my husband has taken my ability to trust others away. I know see their is a dark side of human nature out there.

so wish me luck. I have made plans for my future including divorce I know I can survive on my own but still very sad that the world view I had before has been shattered.

You ladies and gentlemen have got me through some tough times. I will keep you posted on how things go.

I know my husbands computer is back now and the police are going to schedule a meeting with him beginning of June. What a wait it’s been I just hope I am making the right decision to go back. I don’t want another period of sickness but then I also can’t control his actions in regards to his mental well-being.

love to you all xxx

Maria

Member since
September 2018

286 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 2:04pmReport post

Good luck with your return to work, I hope that it makes you feel better and life can return to some normality. I didn't take long off work and while it was hard especially with what i do for a living im very glad i was working and getting on with things. Hopefully your employer will offer you lots of support and help returning to work. You have come a long way and soon if the police are done with his computers that part of things will soon be concluding. While that doesn't change anything it will hopefully help you process it all and come to terms with it, there will be no more waiting.

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 2:14pmReport post

Absolutely Maria. I know I need to go back. I understand from everyone on here that even years later the ramifications can keep occurring. I am feeling emotionally stronger now on my own recovery.



I know for me work is the next stage to show I can survive independently. The wait is extremely hard but I understand what will be will be xxx

Jayne G

Member since
March 2019

125 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 3:14pmReport post

Bethlou, well done on getting this far and taking the steps to go back to work. It's a really tricky one, I think, because I made the decision to not really take any time off - I had two days at home just after everything happened, and I thought that carrying on at work for 50 hours a week would be the best thing. Spoiler alert: it wasn't! A couple of weeks ago I reached burn out; the stress got too much and I ended up with a week-long migraine, which rendered me unable to work. I know I should have taken more time off and that I should have eased myself back in, but I didn't.

That would be my one piece of advice - don't push yourself to carry on "as normal", because "normal" looks different for us now. Just take each day at a time, and do what you can (and no more). When I've come back to the office after my (migraine-forced) time off, I've made a conscious effort to slow down and try to make sure I'm eating properly, taking time away from my desk when I need it etc.

Good luck with going back, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Xx

Puffin

Member since
April 2019

29 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 3:50pmReport post

Dear Bethlou



Good luck with your return to work. For me it is a great distraction. I have to fully concentrate on what I am doing and that takes my mind off the situation at home. Also, the support of those at work who know was just so encouraging.



I hope it will be the same for you and that the routine of going out and having contact with other people will be good for you.



Good luck

Trying to keep it together

Member since
February 2019

111 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 7:02pmReport post

Hey Bethlou,

You got this! I know you've been in the process as long as I have and I know full well that being in work is what has kept me going and focused.

I know as poster said- Chin up and one foot in front of the other and you'll be back in a routine in no time :)

Ttkit

Edited by moderator Wed July 8, 2020 5:23pm

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 7:07pmReport post

Thanks everyone.

i completely get what you mean about office politics! Though this time I am way to mature to get too invested in office gossip. I really feel I have matured since the knock I am now so much more understanding and less quick to judge.

in a way I am looking forward to getting back into reality, I know what everyone means about having structure to our lives and less worry about the situation out of our control.

xxx will let you know how it goes xx I am just aware that when it comes to the court hearing I will be at work so hope I can cope with that. Yes one day or hour at a time xxx

this knock has been life changing but it’s certainly made me reevaluate what’s important to me xxx

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Mon May 13, 2019 8:11pmReport post

Hi Bethlou23

Well done you, you have been unbelievably brave. I hope it goes well at work but except all the help and support offered and remember some days are easier than others so don't beat yourself up if you have a few wobbly moments, that's normal.

Although it must seem a lifetime, 6 months, you have come through it so much stronger, the trial date will be tough and if you decide to go please take someone with you

Keep going my lovely xx

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Tue May 14, 2019 12:16pmReport post

Thanks Tracey.

I think we are all doing our best despite the circumstances. There is no turning back the clock so the only way is forward I hope going back is the right decision. I think if my job is too difficult I can always resign and find a less stressful one but I don’t know till I give it ago x