Family and Friends Forum

Write to judge re: address

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Summer

Member since
July 2019

394 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 11:02amReport post

Hi all lovley ladies I am thinking about writing a letter to the judge about asking address or name not to be read/published given my children have his name and if our address is published it's easy to work out. He doesn't live here now but they often say previously of ...

I have to try for the sake of me and my kids. I know it may not help at all. Last night there was a car parked outside with lights on (prob waiting for someone)I couldn't sleep as watching till they were gone.

anyone got any tips what I could write?

EllBee

Member since
April 2022

139 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 12:23pmReport post

I want to do the same Summer so interested in what others suggest

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 2:17pmReport post

I suggest asking the solicitor as they can work to make sure the judge reads it before the hearing. I wrote a character reference bit wasn't read by the judge until the day of sentencing.

Seaside

Member since
July 2022

558 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 2:25pmReport post

We have asked the solicitor to request this and she is going to try but, as she says unfortunately the press are allowed to report the details .

We have moved away from the area where we were living at the time of the offence although we will have sentencing there.

I'm hoping that because we are not living in the area that the local press won't be interested in publishing details.

I have been subjected to a campaign of lies and misinformation from a former family member over a number of years which really impacted on my mental health and the possibility of this being in the media is really concerning me.

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

634 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 6:54pmReport post

You know, I have worried about adverse publicity so much since the knock but I have got to the stage where I am thinking bring it on, the more publicity the better, let's use it to highlight the injustice of how families and partners are treated, and how it doesn't act as a deterrent because of the shame, secrecy and misinformation surrounding offences. Maybe it won't help me but maybe if it changes things and helps other people. I am so angry today, I feel like I might boil over.

EllBee

Member since
April 2022

139 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 7:14pmReport post

I have been thinking exactly the same. As terrified as I am about it all being out in the open and everyone knowing, I would be able to shout from the rooftops about how dreadful it is for the person involved (not much sympathy it's got to be said) but also their innocent family (much sympathy) who become indirect victims of this totally shit legal system. Bring it on, in some ways. I only think like this when I have a glass of wine inside me, like now!!!!!

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 8:10pmReport post

I sometimes feel the same thinking sod what people think of us and my son, he was 16 at the time still a child himself, but sadly people do not see anything but the P word.... maybe I will get stronger with that thinking as we await cps decision. Glass of wine sounds good though???? xx

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

634 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 10:02pmReport post

:)))

Lovely as a glass of wine can be, wine is not the answer.

Don't worry folks, we will have our day in the sun, I am sure of it.

Summer

Member since
July 2019

394 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 11:07pmReport post

Thanks for your replies yes he asked the solicitor and all he got back we'll press have a right and that's unfortunate kids have same names ????????‍??. I know but surely it's worth asking for the sake of my kids.

Dawn14

Member since
June 2021

472 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 11:14pmReport post

Hi,

I don't mean to sound bad here, but I don't think the solicitors care, because I begged and begged because our eldest was suicidal but I hadn't been home 20mins and it was online, ss were no help as when i rang and told and that my eldest was cutting her self to shreds, the answer I got was well u no how to deal with her.







You could try writing it in ur ref to judge but I don't no if it will work, only found this forum after sentencing so didn't no about references

Edited Fri January 13, 2023 11:15pm

Nemesis

Member since
July 2021

125 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 7:38amReport post

I really sorry



i was really worried about this. My ex had moved.... but he was in a position of trust and I had an inkling they would publish, I just pleaded no address



at sentencing ( he got custodial) judge said no media, and included comments to police.... on site to say that included them and social media. I even got the hearing transcript and even that states reporting restrictions.



we got ... full media, including address, and my address even though he had moved nearly a year earlier. Children involved....

It was a month later... and overlapped with the children's birthday...



my advice is to concentrate on what you can change. It seems to be luck of the draw.



Big hugs to you at this stage of the process

Nemesis

Member since
July 2021

125 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 7:38amReport post

I really sorry



i was really worried about this. My ex had moved.... but he was in a position of trust and I had an inkling they would publish, I just pleaded no address



at sentencing ( he got custodial) judge said no media, and included comments to police.... on site to say that included them and social media. I even got the hearing transcript and even that states reporting restrictions.



we got ... full media, including address, and my address even though he had moved nearly a year earlier. Children involved....

It was a month later... and overlapped with the children's birthday...



my advice is to concentrate on what you can change. It seems to be luck of the draw.



Big hugs to you at this stage of the process

Nemesis

Member since
July 2021

125 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 7:38amReport post

I really sorry



i was really worried about this. My ex had moved.... but he was in a position of trust and I had an inkling they would publish, I just pleaded no address



at sentencing ( he got custodial) judge said no media, and included comments to police.... on site to say that included them and social media. I even got the hearing transcript and even that states reporting restrictions.



we got ... full media, including address, and my address even though he had moved nearly a year earlier. Children involved....

It was a month later... and overlapped with the children's birthday...



my advice is to concentrate on what you can change. It seems to be luck of the draw.



Big hugs to you at this stage of the process

Nemesis

Member since
July 2021

125 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 7:42amReport post

Should have said



names same, schools, lots of overlap in very direct and identifiable ways.



and offence related to same age if the children.... and possibly included the children ....



and full coverage.

loulou74

Member since
September 2022

255 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 9:54amReport post

We had similar. He'd moved out and we were told they would use his current address but it was in the media with my address, we've been here a long time, lots of people have seen it and now know but all they know is the very long and detailed newspaper report which while being close enough to factual, isn't the full story and sounds worse than it was. I'm not minimising what he did, he deserved the punishment but the fallout from this is huge and it's having a greater impact on me as I'm the one juggling kids on my own and having to deal with school and clubs and our friends as well as sorting new home insurance and trying to work out my finances so I can stay in our home, and not being able to do any of my usual activities that keep me sane. People do not realise the impact on families.