Family and Friends Forum

ataloss

Member since
September 2022

45 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 11:50amReport post

My relative got custodial and 10 years SOR.

We found out because the decoy/vigilante group posted it on their Facebook page. No one has actually told us.

[editing because we have since heard from his lawyer and he filled us in on what's happening.]

sending strength to anyone who needs it today.

Edited Fri January 13, 2023 4:43pm

scaredandconfused

Member since
June 2021

437 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 12:06pmReport post

I'm so sorry this as happened. I'm really sorry but I'm not sure of your story what was they charged with if you don't mind me asking? I would of thought their solicitor would of rung you or a family member to tell them of the result

ataloss

Member since
September 2022

45 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 12:13pmReport post

I'm not his wife, but yeah I would've expected that too. I have no clue like a lot of us here this is all brand new to us.



he had one charge of online grooming. Two were dropped.

scaredandconfused

Member since
June 2021

437 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 12:56pmReport post

I'm not sure of what the sentencing is for that maybe somebody else on here will be more helpful with information and give you better advice

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 3:47pmReport post

I'm sorry you are here and you've found out the way you did.

Firstky, 18 months will be 9 months in prison. If you are wanting to make contact with him but have no means to do this, you can use the Find a Prisoner tool, if you Google this, it will come up. You will need his full name and date of birth. It isn't quick, it'll take 5 - 6 weeks from experience for them to come back to you.

It'll take a while for your person to be set up to receive things like post and make calls, but hell be safe wherever he is. He will likely have gone to a local prison for processing. Depending on the local prison he may stay there for the duration of his sentence or be moved. All people in prison related to these crimes will be on a VIP/ Sex offenders wing or prison.

If he did want to appeal, he'd need to do it within 28 days.

If you have contacts for his solicitor you could reach out to them, but if they've not heard from you before and your person hasn't said his case can be discussed, it's unlikely you'll get any information from him.

Edited Fri January 13, 2023 3:51pm

ataloss

Member since
September 2022

45 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 4:40pmReport post

Thanks so much for replying.



We spoke to him, thankfully. He sounds ok. I'm glad we managed to speak with him and we know where he is.



I'm glad 'that part' is finally over and we can now move on and deal with the next.

This horrific ordeal is the worst thing, but my god does it build character and resilience in us all.

Sending strength to anyone who needs it today.

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Fri January 13, 2023 6:14pmReport post

Glad you've managed to speak to him and know where he is.

If you've got any question re prison etc there are a few of us on here that might be able to help. I'm 9 months in now. It ass rough at the beginning but things have improved.

ataloss

Member since
September 2022

45 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 12:01amReport post

Thank you SAL. We're all going to take it day by day, that's all you can do. Looking too far ahead is too scary at this point.



In terms of clothing/toiletries etc - do we send those or how does it work? We'll also have to send money somehow I suppose?

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 5:51amReport post

Good morning ataloss x

im sorry your relative has ended up with a custodial sentence, but the months will fly. My son has a long sentence and it's flown, half way through it now........ just a bit of hope for you x

Each prison has its rules about what can be sent in / so I'd check on that. They are issued with prison clothes...... It's really really easy to send money to a prisoner thro (Send Money to a Prisoner) just add in a few details (prison number), card details and its added to his 'account'. It's safe, quick and easy. They earn a small income if they get a job or participate in education.

They can buy all sorts from a catalogue - which comes once a week (called their canteen). This includes foodstuffs, clothes, bedding, craft materials - you name it, can be a little pricey I believe....... Some items you have to wait for.

Dont be frightened or worried about any prison dramas - life inside isn't a walk in the park with its various frustrations but he'll be fine. These days its all about rehabilitation.

Remember to look after yourself, keep strong and there's loads of people on here ready to support you xxxx

Edited Sat January 14, 2023 6:10am

ataloss

Member since
September 2022

45 posts

Posted Sat January 14, 2023 8:43amReport post

Thank you so much Smile. I've been on here for over two years (that's how long this has been going on before sentencing) and I know your story. It feels surreal even reading the words. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when it comes time to visit. It's all so overwhelming.
My person's case was a decoy sting and they have, of course, posted their victory all over social media. Like it's a game. They have no idea the impact they have had on our family simply because they wanted clout and likes and shares. My heart goes out to anyone who's had to deal with the same thing as us, in fact any situation like this is nightmare stuff.
I suppose a relief is there that we at least know the outcome and we're not just waiting in limbo. I have learned so much about the criminal justice system and how completely messed up and not fit for purpose it is. We learn so much on this journey that we never wanted to!
I read a quote yesterday: ‘flip any situation by thinking about what it gave you rather than what it took from you. Use gratitude to turn what seems bad and unfair into good and helpful’.

sending love x