Set backs
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I think I'm writing this as a way to just note down my feelings and get them off my chest. I feel like it's going to be long so I do apologise and it's okay if no one replies. I just don't have anywhere else to express myself at this time of night!
So basically my family member (not my partner) got the knock 16 months ago. It was due to an incident on kik apparently the IP address was flagged. He had been on kik speaking to other people which is a whole other situation - nothing to do with me but this had an impact on his partner obviously. When the police came he admitted that he had seen iioc which had been sent through a group chat? (I'm not 100% sure how kik works) and had since deleted the app. There were 2 or 3 images. They took his phone and interviewed him, released with no restrictions.
Obviously at the time there were lots of thoughts and feelings. My family member was distraught and spiralled into depression to the point of attempting to take his life. He told us he couldn't take watching what he had done to the family
it was a very difficult time for us all but we've had lots of time to process this as we still haven't heard anything. He said that he had downloaded the app to speak to other people in 'adult conversation' and when the images came through deleted the app and didn't use it again. After lots of thinking I decided to believe what he was saying and slowly, with the help of a counsellor, began processing all of my emotions. I struggled massively. My once close family was broken and I couldn't bare to be around anyone. But over this time I've began (dare I say) 'going back to normal'. There was a time before the knock I'd ring and speak to this person everyday and after the knock I couldn't bare to even say his name. But we've now began rebuilding the relationship.
Today I was visiting and I caught a glimpse of him smiling which I haven't seen in such a long time. It made me feel happy but then I suddenly remembered everything going on in the background. We are waiting for something any day now and then our world could come crashing back down.
I've come home and I'm filled with anxiety and sadness. I feel like I've come so far with lots of 'down' periods and now I finally feel ready to get on with my life but how can you when this is always in the background? How is it fair to take so long? Have I been stupid this whole time? Trying to understand and be supportive. What if there's more? I feel like I take one step forward and three steps back sometimes. I finally felt like I was in a better place and then something today has triggered me and I'm suddenly filled with anxiety and worry.
I just needed to get this out. Does anyone else have days like this where everything is going well and something tiny and perhaps insignificant sets you right back? My mind is in overdrive currently.
So basically my family member (not my partner) got the knock 16 months ago. It was due to an incident on kik apparently the IP address was flagged. He had been on kik speaking to other people which is a whole other situation - nothing to do with me but this had an impact on his partner obviously. When the police came he admitted that he had seen iioc which had been sent through a group chat? (I'm not 100% sure how kik works) and had since deleted the app. There were 2 or 3 images. They took his phone and interviewed him, released with no restrictions.
Obviously at the time there were lots of thoughts and feelings. My family member was distraught and spiralled into depression to the point of attempting to take his life. He told us he couldn't take watching what he had done to the family
it was a very difficult time for us all but we've had lots of time to process this as we still haven't heard anything. He said that he had downloaded the app to speak to other people in 'adult conversation' and when the images came through deleted the app and didn't use it again. After lots of thinking I decided to believe what he was saying and slowly, with the help of a counsellor, began processing all of my emotions. I struggled massively. My once close family was broken and I couldn't bare to be around anyone. But over this time I've began (dare I say) 'going back to normal'. There was a time before the knock I'd ring and speak to this person everyday and after the knock I couldn't bare to even say his name. But we've now began rebuilding the relationship.
Today I was visiting and I caught a glimpse of him smiling which I haven't seen in such a long time. It made me feel happy but then I suddenly remembered everything going on in the background. We are waiting for something any day now and then our world could come crashing back down.
I've come home and I'm filled with anxiety and sadness. I feel like I've come so far with lots of 'down' periods and now I finally feel ready to get on with my life but how can you when this is always in the background? How is it fair to take so long? Have I been stupid this whole time? Trying to understand and be supportive. What if there's more? I feel like I take one step forward and three steps back sometimes. I finally felt like I was in a better place and then something today has triggered me and I'm suddenly filled with anxiety and worry.
I just needed to get this out. Does anyone else have days like this where everything is going well and something tiny and perhaps insignificant sets you right back? My mind is in overdrive currently.
Oh how I wish I could just give you a hug. You are not stupid and we all have days or moments when we go straight back to square one. It's traumatic for us as non offenders of our persons. But having said that you are obviously a very strong person and never be ashamed of just getting stuff off your chest if it makes you feel better, vent away. We are here to support you as best we can.
hugs and strength being sent your way from all of us x
hugs and strength being sent your way from all of us x
Thank you dragonmama, it's much appreciated. It's good to know there are people here.
sending love right back to you, thanks again for taking the time to reply x
sending love right back to you, thanks again for taking the time to reply x
We're here for each other to air these feelings Emma / I feel sad every day to hear more families join this forum and I rely heavily on my ladies here, so talk to us........
My son is serving a long custodial and things are fairly settled, he's in a good place mentally and coping so well. But every single day it's there and I feel that background sadness, no matter if it's a 'good' day - missing him is with me day and night.
Yesterday i was sparked off by a friend kissing her son when we were in the pub. I watched as they smiled and chatted as they played pool. I thought I'd give anything to reach up and give my boy a hug, spend relaxed time together. I compensated that moment by thinking of those that have 'lost' their sons, never able to hug them again. Comforted that my day will come...
I think its the same old thing - you really have to put your emotional brakes on and try to focus on each day at a time.
keep strong Emma /your doing a great job xxxx
another hug sent x
My son is serving a long custodial and things are fairly settled, he's in a good place mentally and coping so well. But every single day it's there and I feel that background sadness, no matter if it's a 'good' day - missing him is with me day and night.
Yesterday i was sparked off by a friend kissing her son when we were in the pub. I watched as they smiled and chatted as they played pool. I thought I'd give anything to reach up and give my boy a hug, spend relaxed time together. I compensated that moment by thinking of those that have 'lost' their sons, never able to hug them again. Comforted that my day will come...
I think its the same old thing - you really have to put your emotional brakes on and try to focus on each day at a time.
keep strong Emma /your doing a great job xxxx
another hug sent x
Sounds similar to my OH situation, he had been looking at adult pornography on KIK when someone posted some pictures to him from a group he was on, he said he looked at some then deleted them and also deleted the app, that was in February last year, then the Knock happened in June, arrested an released on bail, can't live with us anymore as have 2 kids at home. Full Forensic investigation carried out and found no searches or any IIOC, but they did find 3 watsapp videos that were sent as jokes in amongst 100s of other daft videos his friends had shared. So the police concentrated on them and are looking to charge him for that, still won't lessen the bail conditions even though SS said low risk to anyone. He told his solicitor what had happened on KIK but the solicitor said go no comment and that the police were not interested in excuses or even the truth, all they wanted was a charge by any means necessary.
Stay strong Emma its a lone journey, hope you get a positive outcome x
Stay strong Emma its a lone journey, hope you get a positive outcome x
Thank you smile, it must be so very sad without your son. I totally understand those 'normal' every day moments that make you feel sad. But you are right your day will come! Stay strong. Thanks again for taking the time to reply to me.
and also thank you clarkestaff. The situation does sound very similar. Our knock happened in October 2021 and the ip was flagged from February. We are still yet to hear anything. Your situation sounds horrendous though - the fact the police have targeted a WhatsApp group with friends after finding no iioc is very worrying!! Stay strong!
and also thank you clarkestaff. The situation does sound very similar. Our knock happened in October 2021 and the ip was flagged from February. We are still yet to hear anything. Your situation sounds horrendous though - the fact the police have targeted a WhatsApp group with friends after finding no iioc is very worrying!! Stay strong!