Have I made things worse
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I need so help. I let my husband back into the house before Christmas once he had been taken off bail and SS said he was allowed. I did this mainly for my kids but also because I still have feelings for him and couldn't see him without. However ever since that day I have been struggling, there's daily arguments he is not himself at all. He is not speaking to anyone other than myself.
I have said we are not together at this point and he is not taking it well. He feels he has nothing left in life, but when he says this I feel trapped. He is also suicidal and I feel I am making this worse. I'm so scared to let him leave but I need a break my head has not stopped in 6 weeks.
It got so bad last night I thought I was going to have to call the police or worse get him sectioned. It was horrible seeing the man I still love hurt himself. I'm scared, lonely and just want this all over.
My friends say he's emotionally blackmailing me, I have said this to him, but I also believe he feels he has nothing and is so lost himself right now. He has been suffering with depression for a long time which onto of drugs and alcohol is why we are where we are today
Sorry for the long post.x
I have said we are not together at this point and he is not taking it well. He feels he has nothing left in life, but when he says this I feel trapped. He is also suicidal and I feel I am making this worse. I'm so scared to let him leave but I need a break my head has not stopped in 6 weeks.
It got so bad last night I thought I was going to have to call the police or worse get him sectioned. It was horrible seeing the man I still love hurt himself. I'm scared, lonely and just want this all over.
My friends say he's emotionally blackmailing me, I have said this to him, but I also believe he feels he has nothing and is so lost himself right now. He has been suffering with depression for a long time which onto of drugs and alcohol is why we are where we are today
Sorry for the long post.x
Hi N,
You are not making anything worse. Please take that level of responsibility from yourself, it isn't yours. If he needs mental support urgently then sectioning may be the best course of action. I'm not sure that I agree with your friends about it being emotional blackmail, if the only time he mentions harming himself is when you suggest not being together then it's possible but if he's suicidal because of the investigation etc then he's not in a place to think logically about what he's saying and the impact on you. Try contacting the emergency mental health team in your area and go from there. I'm so sorry you're going through this in addition to everything else xxx
You are not making anything worse. Please take that level of responsibility from yourself, it isn't yours. If he needs mental support urgently then sectioning may be the best course of action. I'm not sure that I agree with your friends about it being emotional blackmail, if the only time he mentions harming himself is when you suggest not being together then it's possible but if he's suicidal because of the investigation etc then he's not in a place to think logically about what he's saying and the impact on you. Try contacting the emergency mental health team in your area and go from there. I'm so sorry you're going through this in addition to everything else xxx
I don't think he is blackmailing me, I feel he sees everything is crumbling around him. He is constantly saying things about hurting himself or wanting to drink until he can't feel anymore. He has been to the doctors but the tablets tdont seem to be helping. But due to his drug problem (clean for a month) they don't want to give him anything higher.I
I have never seen someone headbutt a wall or punch themselves and it hurt to see him going through it. I love him so bloody much ibut this is a lot
I have never seen someone headbutt a wall or punch themselves and it hurt to see him going through it. I love him so bloody much ibut this is a lot
My person trued to kill himself twice, second time almost successfully. Its so hard on us but his actions are not your responsibility. I have my person no sympathy second time once he came round. He's full of self hated and is getting help for that. He still has bad days two years later and so close to sentencing. He has a brilliant mental. Health team. And go so he reached out to them. Because I can't take it all on myself. I've came close to a breakdown and my kids need me, plus he needs me to be strong so I'd call life line or local. Mental health intervention team. Because you can't take all this on yourself. He needs to want the help on order to be helped if that makes sense. X
Hi,
I 100% believe he wants help I think he is terrified atm. I need to be there for my kids and him like you said but it's so much to deal with. Then when other family members are making something out of nothing ( unrelated to this but still not needed) I just feel like it's on me to fix everything and keep my family together it's just a hell of a lot to deal with.
I want my life back so bad. I don't mean this in an offensive way but I don't want to be part of this "club" it sucks so much. Sorry to moan I just need a break. X
I 100% believe he wants help I think he is terrified atm. I need to be there for my kids and him like you said but it's so much to deal with. Then when other family members are making something out of nothing ( unrelated to this but still not needed) I just feel like it's on me to fix everything and keep my family together it's just a hell of a lot to deal with.
I want my life back so bad. I don't mean this in an offensive way but I don't want to be part of this "club" it sucks so much. Sorry to moan I just need a break. X
You're not moaning at all, we are here for you so vent away, being part of this club ducks for us all, but one thing I've learnt is I can't control what's happened and what's gonna happen. Take one day at a time and your person is a grown man so he needs to take some responsibility for himself. Best thing I did was back away somewhat and let him get on with it. It gave us both a breather and he was more than capable of handling everything (help wise) himself. Look after you first or you'll not be good for your children, yourself or anyone. Let the professionals take over. There are sources and help out there he just needs to look for it and accept it x
I completely agree he is a grown man, but right now he is a shell of a man that undoubtedly needs help and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I am taking him to the doctors later as I have spoken to them about him and said I need a break. I broke down at work yesterday and had to come home it's just a lot being scared to know what I might find when I come home. To have my family back together would be amazing but I know right now it's not going to happen and I'm heartbroken. I just want my boys to have their daddy and to have the man I fell in love with back. WHY DONT MEN TALK instead of getting themselves in this situation of destruction.
I know it took me a long time to accept he wasn't coming home, I'd resent every couple or family I seen for a while. We don't have any children together, but have 5 between us and we all blended well, holidays etc so was hard for me to move past the why did he do it. Every mental health person he's seen had said about self destruction every time he's happy. There's a pattern in all his relationships and both of us were and still are grieving (his dad and my sister past away, two people closet to us) he just couldn't open up because of his childhood it was quiet strict and no emotion was allowed, he seeked sex out as a way to numb him then just fell down a bad hole. It takes time but he can build himself up again I promise with the right help. Hell get there. He's a good man who did one bad thing its the whole taboo of the subject makes it worse. People would understand murder better its unreal. Take your time honey, day by day. Good days bad days are in the future but if you both want the family back you'll find a new normal and fight this hard fight we are all in. Xx
Well the doctor has called the crisis team he is really worried about him. What you have written sounds so much like my husband, bad childhood, beatings, not being allowed to be happy. But also everyone and I mean everyone thinks so highly of him and puts so much on him and think he can cope ( myself included) I just wish he felt he could of spoken to me. I feel like crap that he felt he couldn't confide in me. I feel guilty for having happy moments or smiling with him. I don't want to give him fault hope.
Well done, least there's a team involved and don't ever feel guilty, take eack day at a time, I'm two years down the line still don't know if it's gonna work. Just going with the flow. Now get yourself sorted speak to your go about you or call the helpline or just pop on here and have a rant, ask questions etc. We are here for you x
Thank you I do really appreciate the support on here even if it's just reading what others are going through. The doctors have told me to see them whenever I want. He said he felt drained after 10 minutes with him he doesn't know how I'm coping. Thankfully I'm a mum and the strength I have for them is what keeps me going. I will not let my babies be hurt by this and I hope they never find out (fingers crossed)
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