Children’s services
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Since my husband was arrested just over a week ago I feel like this forum is my only safe place so please forgive all my posts!
My husband is on bail pending investigation, no charges at this point and is staying with friends.
I had social visit yesterday and as nice as they seemed I've obviously got my guard up around everyone at the moment.
They spoke to me & my daughter but all seemed very basic questions nothing about the actual situation other than do I know why he's been arrested and have I ever had any suspicions about his behaviour.
They are due to be visiting him on Thursday but called me today to ask if they could pop round and see me this afternoon. I was at work (trying to be as normal as possible) so I couldn't see them today so they have arranged to come Friday instead. Another visit this quickly has got my mind racing at a million miles an hour and she wouldn't give me any indication on the phone as to why they wanted to come again especially so soon.
Has anyone experienced this that could tell me why they want to come again and what it could be about? There's obviously been no developments in his actual case that either of us aware of. I might be overthinking it all but what else can a girl do??
My husband is on bail pending investigation, no charges at this point and is staying with friends.
I had social visit yesterday and as nice as they seemed I've obviously got my guard up around everyone at the moment.
They spoke to me & my daughter but all seemed very basic questions nothing about the actual situation other than do I know why he's been arrested and have I ever had any suspicions about his behaviour.
They are due to be visiting him on Thursday but called me today to ask if they could pop round and see me this afternoon. I was at work (trying to be as normal as possible) so I couldn't see them today so they have arranged to come Friday instead. Another visit this quickly has got my mind racing at a million miles an hour and she wouldn't give me any indication on the phone as to why they wanted to come again especially so soon.
Has anyone experienced this that could tell me why they want to come again and what it could be about? There's obviously been no developments in his actual case that either of us aware of. I might be overthinking it all but what else can a girl do??
Hi,
Never apologise for posting, we're all in this together. I had a similar experience with my first sw, came out and spoke individually to myself and my children, came out again after about a week and just spoke to me about what contact I wanted baby to have. My older children aren't his and had decided on no contact. We then had a meeting with my in laws about 3 weeks after this as they were part of our safety plan. From the first meeting to case closed was 5/6 weeks. Hopefully you have a similar outcome. Have you got a safety plan written up? xxx
Never apologise for posting, we're all in this together. I had a similar experience with my first sw, came out and spoke individually to myself and my children, came out again after about a week and just spoke to me about what contact I wanted baby to have. My older children aren't his and had decided on no contact. We then had a meeting with my in laws about 3 weeks after this as they were part of our safety plan. From the first meeting to case closed was 5/6 weeks. Hopefully you have a similar outcome. Have you got a safety plan written up? xxx
Thank you.
im glad to hear this isn't necessarily out of the ordinary. When they left they said they'd call me end of the week / start of next with an update after they had referred our situation to their manager so it really caught me off guard having a call from them so quickly wanting to see me.
I have started to look at the family safety plan, to be honest a lot of what is suggested in the guide that The LFF sent we are already doing so it feels a lot like I'm just filling it out just to satisfy them, which of course I will do to prove what steps we take as a family.
I have only written about the 3 of us in the plan as we don't really see a lot of his family on a regular basis & my family live the other side of the country.
Do you have any tips for filling out the family safety plan as a lot of what I've written just feels really generic at the moment. I've included things like our daughter being safe online etc and what we do to monitor it & being able to talk to me / a trusted adult if someone says or does anything that makes her uncomfortable and that she'll never be in trouble for reporting it.
I just don't know if I've done the right thing so far?
im glad to hear this isn't necessarily out of the ordinary. When they left they said they'd call me end of the week / start of next with an update after they had referred our situation to their manager so it really caught me off guard having a call from them so quickly wanting to see me.
I have started to look at the family safety plan, to be honest a lot of what is suggested in the guide that The LFF sent we are already doing so it feels a lot like I'm just filling it out just to satisfy them, which of course I will do to prove what steps we take as a family.
I have only written about the 3 of us in the plan as we don't really see a lot of his family on a regular basis & my family live the other side of the country.
Do you have any tips for filling out the family safety plan as a lot of what I've written just feels really generic at the moment. I've included things like our daughter being safe online etc and what we do to monitor it & being able to talk to me / a trusted adult if someone says or does anything that makes her uncomfortable and that she'll never be in trouble for reporting it.
I just don't know if I've done the right thing so far?
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Thinking of you today. I hope things go well xxx
Everything has changed.
My meeting last week was cancelled and she came this morning instead.
He's lied to me this whole time. Children's services spoke to the police and they read out the transcript of the conversation. He knew she was 12, he made reference to our daughter not being far off her age. He discussed booking a hotel near her.
He is still sat in denial saying he didn't have this conversation despite me telling him I've been told all of this.
I'm scared I don't know what this means for the future but I can't cope right now.
My meeting last week was cancelled and she came this morning instead.
He's lied to me this whole time. Children's services spoke to the police and they read out the transcript of the conversation. He knew she was 12, he made reference to our daughter not being far off her age. He discussed booking a hotel near her.
He is still sat in denial saying he didn't have this conversation despite me telling him I've been told all of this.
I'm scared I don't know what this means for the future but I can't cope right now.
Oh Stressed, that's so so awful for you. Have you tried talking to the helpline?
sending you love and strength xxx
sending you love and strength xxx
Hi Stressed,
Do you have full disclosure with the solicitor? I may be wrong but I'm not sure ss would have been given transcripts at this stage of investigation. You'll obviously have a lot to process right now and I'm sorry if my response throws more at you but I'm so skeptical of the professionals and their ability to communicate with each other xxx
Do you have full disclosure with the solicitor? I may be wrong but I'm not sure ss would have been given transcripts at this stage of investigation. You'll obviously have a lot to process right now and I'm sorry if my response throws more at you but I'm so skeptical of the professionals and their ability to communicate with each other xxx
I'm so sorry stressed, this is so hard.
but has your husband been charged yet?
if he hasn't been charged, I would take it all with a huge pinch of salt. Before charges are brought evidence like the transcript would not be shared with anyone-including ss as this would impede on their case.
SS will paint the worst possible picture, they will come down hard. Sorry it's a lot to handle
but has your husband been charged yet?
if he hasn't been charged, I would take it all with a huge pinch of salt. Before charges are brought evidence like the transcript would not be shared with anyone-including ss as this would impede on their case.
SS will paint the worst possible picture, they will come down hard. Sorry it's a lot to handle
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The police apparently read the transcript to ss when they phoned them to get more info about the case, the social worker then told me what it said.
He hasn't been charged, there was no mention of a transcript in his initial interview, the only evidence they showed him was of his own Snapchat profile, it didn't include any conversations or anything.
I have spoken to him again now the initial shock of hearing all of this has calmed a little. He still swears blind that this conversation never happened. And now he has context about discussing booking a hotel he also says that even the people he has spoken to of age he's never mentioned getting a hotel or anything.
I don't know what to believe, it's almost like they want us to split up regardless of the outcome of the investigation.
He hasn't been charged, there was no mention of a transcript in his initial interview, the only evidence they showed him was of his own Snapchat profile, it didn't include any conversations or anything.
I have spoken to him again now the initial shock of hearing all of this has calmed a little. He still swears blind that this conversation never happened. And now he has context about discussing booking a hotel he also says that even the people he has spoken to of age he's never mentioned getting a hotel or anything.
I don't know what to believe, it's almost like they want us to split up regardless of the outcome of the investigation.
I'm really sorry to be blunt, but that's exactly what they want.
if you leave him and stop all contact they don't have to be involved. They want you to make it easy for them and to walk away.
in our case the OIC did tell ss a load of crap, and ss ran away with this. A year later, loads of data requests and solicitors- we have proved that what the OIC told them was incorrect information.
your husband may have done these things and may genuinely not remember, they don't always know everything they have done. But equally so, he might not have done.
as daffodil said, put a data request in. Email the ss clarifying everything she said, quote her if you can. If they had it read to them can they evidence what they've told you? The police won't be sharing that transcript until they've made their case-all the police want is a conviction.
work from facts, not your panic or ss/police bias.
Think about what you want/need and your daughter. Then get onto courses, get support to show you are protective. Your oh needs to do work as well.
if you leave him and stop all contact they don't have to be involved. They want you to make it easy for them and to walk away.
in our case the OIC did tell ss a load of crap, and ss ran away with this. A year later, loads of data requests and solicitors- we have proved that what the OIC told them was incorrect information.
your husband may have done these things and may genuinely not remember, they don't always know everything they have done. But equally so, he might not have done.
as daffodil said, put a data request in. Email the ss clarifying everything she said, quote her if you can. If they had it read to them can they evidence what they've told you? The police won't be sharing that transcript until they've made their case-all the police want is a conviction.
work from facts, not your panic or ss/police bias.
Think about what you want/need and your daughter. Then get onto courses, get support to show you are protective. Your oh needs to do work as well.
Honestly stressed they do. Even down to the language they use in their reports, for example mine said "has made the right decision in ending their relationship". It's a complete head#### you're already in a vulnerable position but they make you feel like you're going crazy. If they haven't even presented this "evidence" to your oh then I don't see how they can legally give it to ss.
I would request disclosure from the solicitor and say to ss that you will make decisions once you've seen the evidence etc. For now state that you want xyz, this is your safety plan etc and can they support this? Essentially they are meant to be there to support families. Go on to your local authority website for children's services and it should give a breakdown on how they conduct their assessments, ours says takes a holistic approach not just looking at the issue presenting but the risk alongside protective factors. If you are supervising contact then the risk should be outweighed by you as a protective factor. As Daffodil has previously stated write it as if you're explaining to someone who has no concept of anything. Outline any work/discussion you have had with your daughter about privacy and keeping herself safe. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Keep your focus, even if you don't know what exactly you want the outcome to be right now. Focusing on yours and your daughter's wellbeing is a good starting point xxx
I would request disclosure from the solicitor and say to ss that you will make decisions once you've seen the evidence etc. For now state that you want xyz, this is your safety plan etc and can they support this? Essentially they are meant to be there to support families. Go on to your local authority website for children's services and it should give a breakdown on how they conduct their assessments, ours says takes a holistic approach not just looking at the issue presenting but the risk alongside protective factors. If you are supervising contact then the risk should be outweighed by you as a protective factor. As Daffodil has previously stated write it as if you're explaining to someone who has no concept of anything. Outline any work/discussion you have had with your daughter about privacy and keeping herself safe. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Keep your focus, even if you don't know what exactly you want the outcome to be right now. Focusing on yours and your daughter's wellbeing is a good starting point xxx
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Does someone mind giving this email that I am going to send the social worker a once over just to make sure it comes across ok please? Obviously I've edited out any personal details and only called them husband / daughter in here but they are named in the actual email
Thank you in advance
Following our meeting today I just wanted to email with some follow up questions / some points to clarify.
Just to summarise you said that you have spoken to the police & DC XXXX read to you from the transcript that husband had spoken to a 12 year old, SOME CASE SPECIFIC INFO HERE..
You also said that although Husband could have contact you want it to be a 3rd party and that there would be time limits on this.
Can you please confirm my understanding of this is correct?
If this is the case I would like to request that this is reviewed.
He has not been charged and the police made it perfectly clear to me upon his arrest that they do not believe husband was / is a risk to daughter. We have requested that husbands solicitor gives me full disclosure so I will always be fully informed on the case as it progresses but as yet no evidence has been presented to him.
As you have seen for yourself daughter is a much loved child who wants to be able to see her dad, she has already been without him for more than 2 weeks and every day that goes by without him is making things harder and harder for her. This is not only affecting her at home but is also affecting her at school. She was sent home after being sick last week and told me she was sick because she missed her dad so much.
Daughter is 100% innocent in all of this and she seems to be the one suffering the most. Daughter is my number one priority and keeping her safe & well has always been & will continue to always be most important.
I assume you have no concerns about my abilities to look after daughter and therefore I would like to request that I can supervise contact as well as Mother In Law as this will also give me an opportunity to have a break when needed. I also don’t think that a restriction on time is necessary as we can manage this as a family and do what is in daughters best interests.
I am of course happy to take guidance from you on how this can be facilitated and the practicalities of supervised contact and how that would work. I have also taken advice from The Lucy Faithful Foundation & made a family safety plan which I am happy to review with you as well.
I look forward to hearing from you
Thank you in advance
Following our meeting today I just wanted to email with some follow up questions / some points to clarify.
Just to summarise you said that you have spoken to the police & DC XXXX read to you from the transcript that husband had spoken to a 12 year old, SOME CASE SPECIFIC INFO HERE..
You also said that although Husband could have contact you want it to be a 3rd party and that there would be time limits on this.
Can you please confirm my understanding of this is correct?
If this is the case I would like to request that this is reviewed.
He has not been charged and the police made it perfectly clear to me upon his arrest that they do not believe husband was / is a risk to daughter. We have requested that husbands solicitor gives me full disclosure so I will always be fully informed on the case as it progresses but as yet no evidence has been presented to him.
As you have seen for yourself daughter is a much loved child who wants to be able to see her dad, she has already been without him for more than 2 weeks and every day that goes by without him is making things harder and harder for her. This is not only affecting her at home but is also affecting her at school. She was sent home after being sick last week and told me she was sick because she missed her dad so much.
Daughter is 100% innocent in all of this and she seems to be the one suffering the most. Daughter is my number one priority and keeping her safe & well has always been & will continue to always be most important.
I assume you have no concerns about my abilities to look after daughter and therefore I would like to request that I can supervise contact as well as Mother In Law as this will also give me an opportunity to have a break when needed. I also don’t think that a restriction on time is necessary as we can manage this as a family and do what is in daughters best interests.
I am of course happy to take guidance from you on how this can be facilitated and the practicalities of supervised contact and how that would work. I have also taken advice from The Lucy Faithful Foundation & made a family safety plan which I am happy to review with you as well.
I look forward to hearing from you
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Thank you for your help Daffofil, it is much appreciated.
Daffodil has said everything that I would add. Just wanted to congratulate you on being so level headed in your email. It reads very well and works in facts rather than emotion or opinions. I know that things are beyond hard right now and it's still very early days but celebrate your strength today xxx
Thank you.
I'm currently trying to think, if the police had this 'transcript' from day 1 and it says what the social worker told me it does surely they would have presented this to him in the interview & that would be enough to charge him?
Therefore it is either
1. New info (although this seems unlikely based on timescales since the knock and the fact it was on Snapchat so it's not like they've just read his texts and it's all there to see they would have to do some forensics and from what I've read even then it could be difficult)
2. False, or at least not 100% accurate (not impossible from the comments I've seen here)
3. Not enough to charge so they are looking for anything else they can use (although it sounded pretty black and white to me if what she said was accurate?)
Realisticaly if I phone the OIC (I only have a phone number no email address) will she actually tell me anything? and even if she does do I actually believe what she has to say? She started off all nice to me when they 1st turned up but as soon as he was released on bail and I said I was standing by him she changed her time and starting treating me like I was the one that had done something wrong. I don't know if I can handle speaking to her but if there's a good chance I might get further forward with this then I can try. I just don't want to work myself up if there's no chance of anything.
I'm currently trying to think, if the police had this 'transcript' from day 1 and it says what the social worker told me it does surely they would have presented this to him in the interview & that would be enough to charge him?
Therefore it is either
1. New info (although this seems unlikely based on timescales since the knock and the fact it was on Snapchat so it's not like they've just read his texts and it's all there to see they would have to do some forensics and from what I've read even then it could be difficult)
2. False, or at least not 100% accurate (not impossible from the comments I've seen here)
3. Not enough to charge so they are looking for anything else they can use (although it sounded pretty black and white to me if what she said was accurate?)
Realisticaly if I phone the OIC (I only have a phone number no email address) will she actually tell me anything? and even if she does do I actually believe what she has to say? She started off all nice to me when they 1st turned up but as soon as he was released on bail and I said I was standing by him she changed her time and starting treating me like I was the one that had done something wrong. I don't know if I can handle speaking to her but if there's a good chance I might get further forward with this then I can try. I just don't want to work myself up if there's no chance of anything.
No, don't phone her. It will add to your trauma. For now just concentrate on ss and what you want to achieve with them.
I know it's hard because you want answers but you won't get them from the police. This is why I'm skeptical of what ss have been told. They give basic information to the relevant services to safeguard but not the full information until after sentencing usually. Your husband isn't even at the charges stage so this all seems off tbh. Sending love to you all xxx
I know it's hard because you want answers but you won't get them from the police. This is why I'm skeptical of what ss have been told. They give basic information to the relevant services to safeguard but not the full information until after sentencing usually. Your husband isn't even at the charges stage so this all seems off tbh. Sending love to you all xxx
Stressed wife, ultimately you just won't know yet whether what you have been told is accurate, but you need to be able to assure social services that the decisions you have made about contact, safety plans and safeguarding are the same as if you were sure he had done what they said - that keeping your daughter safe is the most important thing, but that even if this is true, you believe regular, careful, supervised contact (including by you) is in her best interest to minimise the trauma all this is causing her.
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The solidarity and support on this thread is so moving. The forum at its best. Where would we be without each other??
I would never have thought to question what was said without these responses. You are amazing, strong women and your people are so lucky to have you.
x
I would never have thought to question what was said without these responses. You are amazing, strong women and your people are so lucky to have you.
x
Completely agree with K4. As they say, it takes a village, and what a village we are!
Well done everyone on great advice and best of luck with it StressedWife, you are doing amazingly well.
Well done everyone on great advice and best of luck with it StressedWife, you are doing amazingly well.
K4
I couldn't agree more. These people are incredible, I don't think I'd be strong enough to get through any of this without the people on this forum!
When the social worker spoke to me I 100% believed her, she said the police read her a transcript - why wouldn't I believe her right? It fuelled an argument between me and my husband where I'm telling him I know he's lying to me and he's breaking down promising me this conversation never happened. I refused to believe a word he was saying until I got this advice.
You guys have genuinely saved me and possibly my relationship. I just hope I can help other people as much as you've helped me when I'm strong enough
I couldn't agree more. These people are incredible, I don't think I'd be strong enough to get through any of this without the people on this forum!
When the social worker spoke to me I 100% believed her, she said the police read her a transcript - why wouldn't I believe her right? It fuelled an argument between me and my husband where I'm telling him I know he's lying to me and he's breaking down promising me this conversation never happened. I refused to believe a word he was saying until I got this advice.
You guys have genuinely saved me and possibly my relationship. I just hope I can help other people as much as you've helped me when I'm strong enough
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The social worker phoned me today, she doesn't seem to want to do anything in writing at this stage.
Apparently this is all her manager's decision but the reason they are saying I can't supervise is because my husband 'hasn't been honest with them' but having a 3rd party suppervise is ok?
I don't understand how my ability to supervise is based on his honesty or potential lack thereof. I have made it clear to them that I understand he could be guilty and that I will do anything to protect my daughter. But that doesn't seem to matter to them, they just want him to say he's guilty.
The manager is meant to be phoning me tomorrow so I can discuss this with her directly as I don't feel like having the social worker as a go between is helping at all here. Hopefully we get somewhere with it!
In the meantime I have asked if my mother in law can supervise so that some contact can be established while I'm trying to deal with this.
Apparently this is all her manager's decision but the reason they are saying I can't supervise is because my husband 'hasn't been honest with them' but having a 3rd party suppervise is ok?
I don't understand how my ability to supervise is based on his honesty or potential lack thereof. I have made it clear to them that I understand he could be guilty and that I will do anything to protect my daughter. But that doesn't seem to matter to them, they just want him to say he's guilty.
The manager is meant to be phoning me tomorrow so I can discuss this with her directly as I don't feel like having the social worker as a go between is helping at all here. Hopefully we get somewhere with it!
In the meantime I have asked if my mother in law can supervise so that some contact can be established while I'm trying to deal with this.
Hi stressed,
Yeah I bet she's reluctant to put anything in writing at this stage (ridiculous people). Having a discussion with the manager is good, ask what assessment has been done on you for your capability to protect. Having someone else who can supervise is good but if they aren't doing an assessment on your mother in laws capability to protect then it's purely for them to cover themselves as to why they won't let you supervise and kind of make their decision redundant. I'd also be asking them what support they will be providing to your daughter whilst the investigation is ongoing so that you can decide if they are offering anything that you can't do on your own. What understanding of what's happening does your daughter have? Because of her age I'd assume that they would like her to know an age appropriate amount as being aware adds a layer of protection in their eyes. Obviously they don't take into account the emotional trauma of knowing but that's probably a topic for another day. Did you manage to look at their (local authority) website to see what their guidelines are for assessments? If you feel your sw hasn't assessed in the way it says they should then you can bring it up with the manager too, not to get your sw in trouble or anything but to hold them accountable to the standards they have set out for themselves xxx
Yeah I bet she's reluctant to put anything in writing at this stage (ridiculous people). Having a discussion with the manager is good, ask what assessment has been done on you for your capability to protect. Having someone else who can supervise is good but if they aren't doing an assessment on your mother in laws capability to protect then it's purely for them to cover themselves as to why they won't let you supervise and kind of make their decision redundant. I'd also be asking them what support they will be providing to your daughter whilst the investigation is ongoing so that you can decide if they are offering anything that you can't do on your own. What understanding of what's happening does your daughter have? Because of her age I'd assume that they would like her to know an age appropriate amount as being aware adds a layer of protection in their eyes. Obviously they don't take into account the emotional trauma of knowing but that's probably a topic for another day. Did you manage to look at their (local authority) website to see what their guidelines are for assessments? If you feel your sw hasn't assessed in the way it says they should then you can bring it up with the manager too, not to get your sw in trouble or anything but to hold them accountable to the standards they have set out for themselves xxx
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Hi distressed
thank you again for the ongoing advice!
My understanding is they plan to speak to my mother in law tomorrow to do an assessment.
The sw said she'll be going into school to do sessions with my daughter to 'learn to cope with emotions'
At this stage all my daughter knows is he was arrested and can't come home while the police are investigating, I asked on the 1st visit if she needs to know any more and they said no that is all she needs to know, although I'm sure they'll change that opinion at some point and try to use that against me!
She is fully aware of what is appropriate & inappropriate contact with people, I have family & friends that work in childcare so I've been aware of things like pantosaurus for forever and I've always taught her these things at age appropriate times. But no one asked either of us about anything we've had in place or will put in place now and when I said about having a family safety plan the sw didn't seem to care.
The local authority website is a nightmare to navigate and it's really hard to find the actual guidelines but everything I've seen on there says things like ensuring the voice of the child is heard, creating and sustaining positive relationships in the family and they should promote improvements to the quality of life for the child & their family. All things that I don't think are happening right now.
thank you again for the ongoing advice!
My understanding is they plan to speak to my mother in law tomorrow to do an assessment.
The sw said she'll be going into school to do sessions with my daughter to 'learn to cope with emotions'
At this stage all my daughter knows is he was arrested and can't come home while the police are investigating, I asked on the 1st visit if she needs to know any more and they said no that is all she needs to know, although I'm sure they'll change that opinion at some point and try to use that against me!
She is fully aware of what is appropriate & inappropriate contact with people, I have family & friends that work in childcare so I've been aware of things like pantosaurus for forever and I've always taught her these things at age appropriate times. But no one asked either of us about anything we've had in place or will put in place now and when I said about having a family safety plan the sw didn't seem to care.
The local authority website is a nightmare to navigate and it's really hard to find the actual guidelines but everything I've seen on there says things like ensuring the voice of the child is heard, creating and sustaining positive relationships in the family and they should promote improvements to the quality of life for the child & their family. All things that I don't think are happening right now.
Hi Daffodil
thank you! I have submitted a subject access request this evening.
In relation to getting written confirmation if I ask them to email me a summary of any conversation we have had should they provide that to me? Talking on the phone is all well & good to try and have open communication and get my point across to them but an email summary would be really useful and also help me keep a clear record of things too.
thank you! I have submitted a subject access request this evening.
In relation to getting written confirmation if I ask them to email me a summary of any conversation we have had should they provide that to me? Talking on the phone is all well & good to try and have open communication and get my point across to them but an email summary would be really useful and also help me keep a clear record of things too.
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Social have just called, although I don't think it was actually a manager.
She says the police have already referred to CPS for a charging decision which seems the quickest I have seen on here! Apparently they will make a decision within 28 days so we might end this quicker than I ever imagined. Would he have been told by the police it's been referred to cps or would he only know when a decision is made?
I don't know what that means in terms of if he's being honest with me or not, have they really found evidence that quickly that they think they can charge? Who knows?! I guess not too much longer to wait and find out now!
My mother in law can supervise now and they will consider me to supervise in the future. Although I don't think she wants me to, she said I don't seem to be taking it seriously. I told her as it stands our relationship is over but for our daughters sake I want to maintain contact as she has been suffering.
She says the police have already referred to CPS for a charging decision which seems the quickest I have seen on here! Apparently they will make a decision within 28 days so we might end this quicker than I ever imagined. Would he have been told by the police it's been referred to cps or would he only know when a decision is made?
I don't know what that means in terms of if he's being honest with me or not, have they really found evidence that quickly that they think they can charge? Who knows?! I guess not too much longer to wait and find out now!
My mother in law can supervise now and they will consider me to supervise in the future. Although I don't think she wants me to, she said I don't seem to be taking it seriously. I told her as it stands our relationship is over but for our daughters sake I want to maintain contact as she has been suffering.
@StressedWife It pisses me off when social services say we don't take it seriously. In their view we should be screaming from the rooftop "help, my husband is a pedophile" and break off all contact forever and act as if they were dead.
Hi,
My person was charged the following day but he had been communicating with a police decoy, had admitted everything in his interview and was held in police custody initially and remanded after charges. I don't think she would have been given a timescale for cps so she's perhaps confused.
Was the comment about not taking things seriously backed up by anything else? If you've been told at the point of arrest that the police don't believe he's a threat to your daughter and all you want at this stage is for your daughter to have contact then again I'm not sure what relevance this statement has. You've mentioned safety plans and they weren't interested so who isn't taking it seriously? At this point I'd like to point out that all they do is make recommendations and as you are the one with parental responsibility then it's your choice. Obviously they can escalate things if you don't work with them but please don't be bullied. Also, from experience it's harder if you tell them that you've ended the relationship and then change your mind. If I had my time over I'd probably say I haven't made a decision on that yet but obviously that's your choice to make. Personally I just wanted ss out of my life and at the time I could never see myself where I am now and looking to rebuild with my person. You're doing so well in fighting for your daughter, try to take some time to take care of you. It's all a lot to process and is such an emotional trauma xxx
My person was charged the following day but he had been communicating with a police decoy, had admitted everything in his interview and was held in police custody initially and remanded after charges. I don't think she would have been given a timescale for cps so she's perhaps confused.
Was the comment about not taking things seriously backed up by anything else? If you've been told at the point of arrest that the police don't believe he's a threat to your daughter and all you want at this stage is for your daughter to have contact then again I'm not sure what relevance this statement has. You've mentioned safety plans and they weren't interested so who isn't taking it seriously? At this point I'd like to point out that all they do is make recommendations and as you are the one with parental responsibility then it's your choice. Obviously they can escalate things if you don't work with them but please don't be bullied. Also, from experience it's harder if you tell them that you've ended the relationship and then change your mind. If I had my time over I'd probably say I haven't made a decision on that yet but obviously that's your choice to make. Personally I just wanted ss out of my life and at the time I could never see myself where I am now and looking to rebuild with my person. You're doing so well in fighting for your daughter, try to take some time to take care of you. It's all a lot to process and is such an emotional trauma xxx
Distressed,
To be honest it wouldn't surprise me if she's made the whole thing up the way they are being right now!
She has made the decision based on 2 things, firstly they believe he is lying and secondly I'm not taking it seriously. when I brought up the family safety plan and Lucy Faithful she changed the subject I should have brought the conversation back round to it but I didn't.
The problem is his bail conditions say no unsupervised contact unless by a person approved by social care so I don't have the choice.
To be honest it wouldn't surprise me if she's made the whole thing up the way they are being right now!
She has made the decision based on 2 things, firstly they believe he is lying and secondly I'm not taking it seriously. when I brought up the family safety plan and Lucy Faithful she changed the subject I should have brought the conversation back round to it but I didn't.
The problem is his bail conditions say no unsupervised contact unless by a person approved by social care so I don't have the choice.
Ah stressed,
I'm sorry, I forgot about the bail conditions. Did you manage to get an email address? It might be helpful to jot down anything you'd like to be addressed in this interim period to aid you when you're in a position to look at you supervising. When you have an email address for one of them then send over anything that has been ignored xxx
I'm sorry, I forgot about the bail conditions. Did you manage to get an email address? It might be helpful to jot down anything you'd like to be addressed in this interim period to aid you when you're in a position to look at you supervising. When you have an email address for one of them then send over anything that has been ignored xxx
I've got an email address for the social worker, I'm going to sit down at some point over the weekend and write down everything I want to discuss.
She phoned my husband just after she called me and told him all about this 'transcript' too. He still says it's 100% not him. I can't help but think that if he's guilty he'd know he may as well confess now unless he genuinely doesn't remember the conversation but his memory is usually pretty good so I don't know?
She phoned my husband just after she called me and told him all about this 'transcript' too. He still says it's 100% not him. I can't help but think that if he's guilty he'd know he may as well confess now unless he genuinely doesn't remember the conversation but his memory is usually pretty good so I don't know?
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