Release from jail
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Ive been away from this forum for a few months as I felt I needed to distance myself from everything that had happened. Ive been honest and open with people i work with and friends and find that by not hiding what has happened ive found a coping mechanism that works and I feel like myself again with the anxiety and fear that I had been living with gone.
But in the last few days I have felt it creep back into my mind and i know the trigger is that my ex is due to be released from prison this week and Im worried about what happens next.
My daughter has recently turned 2, shes happy and content and doesnt know who he is. I know that sounss bad but she was 11 months old when he was arrested and she saw him maybe 5 times after that. Due to this ive decided not to have him in her life. I know some people will be against that decision but i think its in her best interest. Hes a stranger to her and hell never enhance her life as he wont have a proper father daughter relationship with her as he has 10 years on the register.
Im really worried about how he will react to this though. I worry that he will try to emitionally blackmail me or that he will turn up at my house, her creche, to try and see her. Im also worried about him trying to prevent me moving on with my life by always being there in the background.
I hope that he will realise the mistakes he made has cost him his family (he has said from the start that after hes out and off the register we will be a family again - we wont) so i dont know what to expect of him when he comes out.
Sorry about the rambling but i dont know what to do for the best and feel that all the steps i took to move forward are slipping away.
But in the last few days I have felt it creep back into my mind and i know the trigger is that my ex is due to be released from prison this week and Im worried about what happens next.
My daughter has recently turned 2, shes happy and content and doesnt know who he is. I know that sounss bad but she was 11 months old when he was arrested and she saw him maybe 5 times after that. Due to this ive decided not to have him in her life. I know some people will be against that decision but i think its in her best interest. Hes a stranger to her and hell never enhance her life as he wont have a proper father daughter relationship with her as he has 10 years on the register.
Im really worried about how he will react to this though. I worry that he will try to emitionally blackmail me or that he will turn up at my house, her creche, to try and see her. Im also worried about him trying to prevent me moving on with my life by always being there in the background.
I hope that he will realise the mistakes he made has cost him his family (he has said from the start that after hes out and off the register we will be a family again - we wont) so i dont know what to expect of him when he comes out.
Sorry about the rambling but i dont know what to do for the best and feel that all the steps i took to move forward are slipping away.
Hi Kristie well done for getting part of your life back and concentrating on what's important, you, your daughter, family and friends.
I think you need to do what you feel is best and make sure staff at the creshe know not to let her go with anyone other than who you have said, I wouldn't imagine he'd be allowed near it anyway so to the registers.
The only thing I'm not sure about as my boys are adults so I have no knowledge in this, but if he made a fuss would the authorities say he could have some sort of contact? Have you spoken to SS about it??
I'm sure someone on here will have some great ideas and advice, I can understand your anxieties about him coming out though, I would feel the same, at the moment I happily go anywhere without any concerns about bumping into him but I know come September/October I'll be feeling more aware of where I am
Good luck xx
I think you need to do what you feel is best and make sure staff at the creshe know not to let her go with anyone other than who you have said, I wouldn't imagine he'd be allowed near it anyway so to the registers.
The only thing I'm not sure about as my boys are adults so I have no knowledge in this, but if he made a fuss would the authorities say he could have some sort of contact? Have you spoken to SS about it??
I'm sure someone on here will have some great ideas and advice, I can understand your anxieties about him coming out though, I would feel the same, at the moment I happily go anywhere without any concerns about bumping into him but I know come September/October I'll be feeling more aware of where I am
Good luck xx
Thanks Tracey. I have to say ive enjoyed going around knowing im not going to see him and knowing when my phone goes off it isnt going to be him.
I researched a lot of local contact centres and I visited one that is run by a judge. He sat down with me and talked through the centre process and he actually advised me not to agree to contact with my ex and daughter but to tell him he needs to go to family court and have it in writing that he can see her.
He explained that the court may say that actually due to the content of what he viewed and the ages of the children (they were infants) that he is too big a risk to her even in a contact centre (which is what social services thought and advised me not to allow him to see her on his release). But if the court rules in his favour they will provide the contact centre with a list of conditions that they will follow. Itll also cost £40 an hour which i know he wont pay and hell want me to pay for him.
It feels atm like the days after the knock happened not knowing what he will do or say and what conditions the police will put on him.
I think its terrible that we have to keep being faced with obstcles that we never expected because of the actions of someone we loved and trusted
I researched a lot of local contact centres and I visited one that is run by a judge. He sat down with me and talked through the centre process and he actually advised me not to agree to contact with my ex and daughter but to tell him he needs to go to family court and have it in writing that he can see her.
He explained that the court may say that actually due to the content of what he viewed and the ages of the children (they were infants) that he is too big a risk to her even in a contact centre (which is what social services thought and advised me not to allow him to see her on his release). But if the court rules in his favour they will provide the contact centre with a list of conditions that they will follow. Itll also cost £40 an hour which i know he wont pay and hell want me to pay for him.
It feels atm like the days after the knock happened not knowing what he will do or say and what conditions the police will put on him.
I think its terrible that we have to keep being faced with obstcles that we never expected because of the actions of someone we loved and trusted