Burying my head
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My OH is being sentenced on 31st, he is seeing probation on Monday. His solicitor says he's going to recommend community order with a view to getting a suspended sentence.
My OH plead guilty to possession of 12 images 2 cat A the rest cat C, distribution of 2 images and publishing an obscene article on WhatsApp. He is adamant that he didn't distribute any but didn't want to argue it.
He has done so much work and the evidence shows no search history or communication.
He is being realistic and preparing for a custodial sentence, I just can't. The though of him going to prison petrifies me. The impact on me and my children obviously worries me, but I just don't see my OH coping in prison.
I am refusing to think or talk about it. I've been avoiding the forum to just hide from the possibility.
I feel like my life will go back to the day of the knock if he goes away.
My OH plead guilty to possession of 12 images 2 cat A the rest cat C, distribution of 2 images and publishing an obscene article on WhatsApp. He is adamant that he didn't distribute any but didn't want to argue it.
He has done so much work and the evidence shows no search history or communication.
He is being realistic and preparing for a custodial sentence, I just can't. The though of him going to prison petrifies me. The impact on me and my children obviously worries me, but I just don't see my OH coping in prison.
I am refusing to think or talk about it. I've been avoiding the forum to just hide from the possibility.
I feel like my life will go back to the day of the knock if he goes away.
Hi Confused. I just wanted to offer some encouragement and support. I was in your shoes in November and its an awful place to be in. I know you probably don't want to read this but whatever the outcome is you and your OH will be ok. We are two months down the line and the day after sentencing I woke up and cried in bed but you just force yourself to be strong. As everyone here says it really does come down to the judge on the day. I am hoping you have a successful outcome but my advice is to just hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I can only share my experience, so we were always told not to expect a custodial so we didn't really prepare like we would/should have and it would have made things much easier. Prison is a huge shock and worse if you're not prepared. But at least the waiting in limbo is over and you are onto the next chapter and one step closer to the end of this nightmare. The sentencing will be over in a blur. This is when you and your partner need to dig really deep for strength. You'll be surprised how you and OH will adjust.
I'm going to give you a few tips just to prepare and hopefully you won't need any of it. My fingers are crossed for you xx
First don't panic, this is temporary and your OH will be well looked after. The solicitor assured us prison isint like what you see on TV. There is a duty of care and the solicitor can flag any mental health concerns you have about your partner after being given a custodial. OH will be able to phone you later that night to tell you his prison number and what prison he is in. Write down the prison number its really important.
Second advice. Speak to the solicitor about Appealing IMMEDIATELY get it done ASAP.
OH needs to start memorising important phone numbers, especially yours, so he can add to his prison contact list. Or else he makes a list of important numbers (employer, landlord, counsellor etc) and you can write them in a letter and post them as soon as you can. This is when you'll have to include his prisoner number next to his name and address on the envelope.
Also get a print out of his medication from his doctor so he can hand that to the doctor or nurse, it will just speed everything up. He has that with him the morning of sentencing.
The morning of sentencing my husband gave me his car keys, mobile, wallet just before court started which is important because they are taken away immediately and their possessions in their pockets are put into their property in prison. So my advice is put everything in your handbag the morning of sentencing and have a way of getting back home. Pack a small holdall. A towel, face cloth, a week of underwear, tshirts, joggers and runners. Roll on deodorant (not spray), Toothbrush etc. They'll be given clothes and essentials in there also.
Once you have his prison number, then set up "email a prisoner" its much cheaper and faster than posting letters. Again you'll need his prison number to send him emails.
Once your partner has either phoned you again (which can take about a week to set up, the wait is agony) then arrange the first visit to see him.
I hope some of this has helped. I know its scary but its good he's preparing for a custodial. I wish I had known what to prepare so things could have been a bit easier. Its a big learning curve but I promise you and OH will be ok. This is temporary and one step closer to the end. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Xxx
I'm going to give you a few tips just to prepare and hopefully you won't need any of it. My fingers are crossed for you xx
First don't panic, this is temporary and your OH will be well looked after. The solicitor assured us prison isint like what you see on TV. There is a duty of care and the solicitor can flag any mental health concerns you have about your partner after being given a custodial. OH will be able to phone you later that night to tell you his prison number and what prison he is in. Write down the prison number its really important.
Second advice. Speak to the solicitor about Appealing IMMEDIATELY get it done ASAP.
OH needs to start memorising important phone numbers, especially yours, so he can add to his prison contact list. Or else he makes a list of important numbers (employer, landlord, counsellor etc) and you can write them in a letter and post them as soon as you can. This is when you'll have to include his prisoner number next to his name and address on the envelope.
Also get a print out of his medication from his doctor so he can hand that to the doctor or nurse, it will just speed everything up. He has that with him the morning of sentencing.
The morning of sentencing my husband gave me his car keys, mobile, wallet just before court started which is important because they are taken away immediately and their possessions in their pockets are put into their property in prison. So my advice is put everything in your handbag the morning of sentencing and have a way of getting back home. Pack a small holdall. A towel, face cloth, a week of underwear, tshirts, joggers and runners. Roll on deodorant (not spray), Toothbrush etc. They'll be given clothes and essentials in there also.
Once you have his prison number, then set up "email a prisoner" its much cheaper and faster than posting letters. Again you'll need his prison number to send him emails.
Once your partner has either phoned you again (which can take about a week to set up, the wait is agony) then arrange the first visit to see him.
I hope some of this has helped. I know its scary but its good he's preparing for a custodial. I wish I had known what to prepare so things could have been a bit easier. Its a big learning curve but I promise you and OH will be ok. This is temporary and one step closer to the end. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Xxx
Good advice Christmas C - I would suggest to get finance etc sorted.I had to deal with my sons bank accounts (DDs + phone contract) when he went in prison - plus dealing with his job termination- it was extremely stressful. So anything you could try and put in place makes it easier for you in the long run.
Christmas's description of prison is so true. My son has been moved about but in each prison he hasn't felt threatened in any way. He quickly settled each time - now takes part in classes and has a job. It's all about rehabilitation and not punishment.
sending my best wishes x
Christmas's description of prison is so true. My son has been moved about but in each prison he hasn't felt threatened in any way. He quickly settled each time - now takes part in classes and has a job. It's all about rehabilitation and not punishment.
sending my best wishes x