Still struggling
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I have wanted to write for a week or so now but with reading what others are going through I always feel guilty has we are on the other side of this and now how hard the process is.
Throughout the whole process I stayed strong I stayed by my husband and struggled really bad with anxiety and looking after two children mostly alone luckily he was allowed supervised visits daily. I think I just buried my head in the sand so to speak and just got on with it trying to get through each day and not think about it even though that raley happened I was always flying of the handle at him.
We are only two months after sentencing but now I'm really struggling with the thinking about it all again how could he do it. We have our own babies and life together of many years. He could he even think of looking at stuff that's similar age to our own children. I know I still love him but I have massively pushed him away from the start and now it seems really hard to try let him back in even though I want him and he is trying.
Is this normal has anybody else gone through these feelings or emotions after sentencing I'm not sure if it's just the relief of it all mostly being over or because we also still have SS involved and they are trying to close the case and it's just all getting abit too much in one go.
Maybe I need my head checking lol. Any advice would be great
Throughout the whole process I stayed strong I stayed by my husband and struggled really bad with anxiety and looking after two children mostly alone luckily he was allowed supervised visits daily. I think I just buried my head in the sand so to speak and just got on with it trying to get through each day and not think about it even though that raley happened I was always flying of the handle at him.
We are only two months after sentencing but now I'm really struggling with the thinking about it all again how could he do it. We have our own babies and life together of many years. He could he even think of looking at stuff that's similar age to our own children. I know I still love him but I have massively pushed him away from the start and now it seems really hard to try let him back in even though I want him and he is trying.
Is this normal has anybody else gone through these feelings or emotions after sentencing I'm not sure if it's just the relief of it all mostly being over or because we also still have SS involved and they are trying to close the case and it's just all getting abit too much in one go.
Maybe I need my head checking lol. Any advice would be great
Don't feel. Guilty, people think sentencingbis the end. I don't I think of it as a new normal and a different stage of this nightmare. It's been two years, as you know we arnt at sentencing yet but I still have all. Those feelings you discribe from time to time, it has gotten less the more I learnt about the reason behind it and what a bad place he was in. Its no bloody excuse and if I rant at him I always say, if you were hving a bad time bloody take drugs or drink like normal people. Or get help. Unfortunately he always did find comfort in sex, and ended up speaking to you get girls because he could be in control, something he never felt in his life he had. I still wander what if he's hiding that attraction to teens, as old as my daughter? I'll always be second guessing, but we are gonna try couple counselling after this with someone who's experienced in this field. I try to look at all the lovely lness that is him. He's not that person on those chats. That was a made up person trying to escape and full of self destruction. Hope that helps juat thought I'd let you know you arnt alone in those feelings xx
I'm so glad you said you get the same sort of feelings I feel like I'm going mad at times I should be happy of the outcome we got it's just so much worry and stress still it doesn't just vanish if anything the feelings are worse now than before x
Hi,
We are nearly two years post sentencing and I still struggle with the feelings you have described. Whilst he didn't have children at the time of offending I had trusted him enough to let him live with my teenagers and thought he felt the same level of protection towards them as me.
We don't live together and rarely have time by ourselves. In some ways I think this is easier for me because I can compartmentalise our relationship and live my single mom life when I'm not with him. It does mean that it is dragging on a bit because I'd thought we might be at the stage of couples counselling by now. I worry that when we do go through counselling he will have moved on from his offending and perhaps not understand my feelings and concerns. I'm petrified that he'll reoffend and that I will be seen to be stupid for standing by him. I've never been an insecure person but this has me questioning everything.
It's really positive that ss are looking to close the case, take the positives where you can xxx
We are nearly two years post sentencing and I still struggle with the feelings you have described. Whilst he didn't have children at the time of offending I had trusted him enough to let him live with my teenagers and thought he felt the same level of protection towards them as me.
We don't live together and rarely have time by ourselves. In some ways I think this is easier for me because I can compartmentalise our relationship and live my single mom life when I'm not with him. It does mean that it is dragging on a bit because I'd thought we might be at the stage of couples counselling by now. I worry that when we do go through counselling he will have moved on from his offending and perhaps not understand my feelings and concerns. I'm petrified that he'll reoffend and that I will be seen to be stupid for standing by him. I've never been an insecure person but this has me questioning everything.
It's really positive that ss are looking to close the case, take the positives where you can xxx
Thankyou for the reply.
I hope you get to where you want to be. I think maybe once social have closed and everybody stops the appointments that I've had to deal with for 20 months I might be able to get my head around it properly but it's already made me feel better knowing I'm not going insane and that it's ok to still be feeling like this x
I hope you get to where you want to be. I think maybe once social have closed and everybody stops the appointments that I've had to deal with for 20 months I might be able to get my head around it properly but it's already made me feel better knowing I'm not going insane and that it's ok to still be feeling like this x
I think it's normal to feel all that turmoil. These men did something we never imagined they would do, it's almost like we are second-guessing who they really are - the person we thought they were or the ones that offended.
Loulou that's exactly it right there x
Sometimes, and I've saud this to him, I wish he just had an affair with an adult woman. Sounds terrible but would be easier to comprehend if that makes sense
I've said this too I'd of rather him of gone and had sex with someone than some secret porn addiction that's led to all this
Any addiction is terrible and hard to break. This one's so taboo there's very little help or understanding. I'm just so glad I googled and found this forum x
Did they not tell you about here. The police gave my hub a piece g paper with here and a list of other places.
I say this shocked it's no surprise really is it the police really don't care x
I say this shocked it's no surprise really is it the police really don't care x
I only found this forum and heard about the LFF from a close friend who I disclosed to after the knock who is a former probation officer.
The police did absolutely nothing other than to tell me that I was a stupid hysterical woman and to tell my son ( who was suicidal after the arrest) not to do anything stupid because it makes more paperwork for them .
I had very little respect for the police before all of this but have absolutely no respect for them now and loathe them.
The police did absolutely nothing other than to tell me that I was a stupid hysterical woman and to tell my son ( who was suicidal after the arrest) not to do anything stupid because it makes more paperwork for them .
I had very little respect for the police before all of this but have absolutely no respect for them now and loathe them.
I was never really bothered about the police before but I don't trust them one bit now. Constantly lying they still have our devices two months after sentencing one being mine that they new was mine in the first place but took anyway
@scaredandconfused
Th police took my devices as well during the search. When I asked why, they said because I was "emotional". I suppose emotional means suspicious in their eyes.
They have returned my devices fairly quickly, but I am still appalled by their behaviour during the search warrant.
Can you chase them up for your devices? Tell them that they should be returned immediately or you should receive financial compensation.
Th police took my devices as well during the search. When I asked why, they said because I was "emotional". I suppose emotional means suspicious in their eyes.
They have returned my devices fairly quickly, but I am still appalled by their behaviour during the search warrant.
Can you chase them up for your devices? Tell them that they should be returned immediately or you should receive financial compensation.
They took it because they said he could of used it without me knowing he didn't even know the password for it.
I had to go buy a new laptop because of it they've had it 20 months now
I had to go buy a new laptop because of it they've had it 20 months now
The police took both of our computers (which could not ever be accessed by my person )as well as his laptop and phone and we are still waiting to hear from them about them being returned .
They were brand new Apple computers and we have had to buy another computer to use for work in the meantime.
I'm definitely not going to let this lie because I'm dammed if they're going to keep them and sell them on .
They were brand new Apple computers and we have had to buy another computer to use for work in the meantime.
I'm definitely not going to let this lie because I'm dammed if they're going to keep them and sell them on .
The police took our computer as well, even though it's in the main family room in the house where I work every day and there is no way my son would have offended there, given he had his own computer in the privacy of his bedroom. We have had to buy new but also, because we hadn't backed our stuff up we have lost all our financial information, photos etc making it very hard for us to run our lives, do tax returns etc.