Family and Friends Forum

Stardust

just seen this, others maybe able to offer you more practical support but wanted to say. I understand how excruciating the waiting is. It’s not fair that so many of us appear to have our lives on hold and just in need of closure.



can the lead investigator give you any answers maybe call him. I know because my partner has had very poor mental health as evidenced with mental health professionals they are trying to fast Track his computer. You really shouldn’t be in limbo or your child xxx

I have to say I did open up to my sister after a month of not telling anyone and she was wonderful as was my go. The helpline can also be helpful but I feel strongly that the members of this forum have helped me survive emotionally since my knock in December. There is no rush to make decisions about your relationship look after yourself and your child.

i found being honest with my daughter helped. Obviously at five she doesn’t know the details but she knows daddy doesn’t live with us because he has a poorly brain. And even if he gets better we have to live separately but he and I love her very much. I think this has helped her process the consequences of the actions which are confusing to adults let alone children xxx

keep going so sorry how many of us are in this ongoing traumatic process. I think although things never go back to normal others shave shown there is a way of living life again. I know by having the knock I appreciate every second with my daughter and I have a stronger relationship with my sister xx

Hi Stardust. You sound like you are having a really difficult time. I am still no further on either since December in terms of the investigation. I have an open mind about what my partner has or hasn’t done but my partner has remained living with us so it has had minimal impact on kids so far. I don’t know what your partner is accused of so it may depend on the accusation as to whether SS are comfortable having him living in the house or not.

in terms of your GP, is there another one at your practice you could see? I have been lucky and my GP has been lovely. She offered me meds but I said no. I have done the NHS CBT counselling. It isn’t correct that you can’t do it because there is no end goal. My situation is ongoing however doing the CBT has given me the tools to deal with it. Perhaps you could look into it again?

In terms if the children’s centre counsellor, I am really surprised at what they have said. It would be highly, highly unusual for the court to order the notes from therapy unless you were the one being accused. I don’t know the status of your partner’s case but unless you knew what he was doing, or helped him do it, there is nothing really you could say in a therapeutic environment which would warrant the court seeing the notes. I am in counselling and am talking openly about everything and my counsellor has been clear that only safeguarding issues would be revealed. If they asked for the notes in court it would only tell them some of the feelings I was having about what was going on. A judge would have to be thoroughly convinced to allow the prosecution to apply for those notes. And the prosecution would have to be pretty sure you would be saying g things in therapy which would aid their case - all of which is highly unlikely.

It feels like you have been badly advised on the counselling.

is there anyone you can confide in?



keep strong

I'm so sorry you have not had much support. I saw a councellor through work and they allowed me to talk about anything, with the usual disclaimer if you talk about any safeguarding issue or crime the police are not already aware of it will be reported. I did cbt with nhs, while we didnt talk in detail about the offence, it was about learning techniques to cope. Maybe you could contact them again and ask for help. It's so isolating in these situations. I found it useful to call the helpline and while I didn't feel the inform course was right for me i did pay to chat face to face with a practitioner. I found it very hard to find one person to chat to about everything, different places gave different support and I talked to different friends/family about different things. Dont give up on councelling, if you can afford to pay thats a good idea, or if you can get it through work or try again through the bus (i think you can self refer). It might be worth asking the helpline if they can point you in the right direction or offer any extra support. Sometimes all you need is someone who understands to chat with and that's the one thing you don't have. Hopefully soon the police will make a decision, if you haven't called them maybe it might be worth asking whats happening or if you have a solicitor get them to do it. It's so hard on the kids, mine found daddy living away really hard even though they saw him daily. Isnt it a shame theres more support for partners and family right now.

Hi Stardust

Sorry you're having such a rotten time, I was also going to be a witness in court but didn't have to in the end as my husband pleased guilty however, my understanding is, due to data pectin they can't tell you anything but if you're down to be a witness then your should certainly be told about court dates.

I want told about charges or anything else to do with the case, I had to find that all out by going to court myself at prior hearings.

It's awful as our lives have been decisimated but for all intents and purposes we aren't allowed to know outcomes etc. Of course we all know the children involved in whatever way are they victims but we are, in our own way also a victim of circumstance.

You're doing really well, the down times are so awful but you will feel more up to facing it soon.

Take care xx

Hi

what would the police ask you to be a witness to? Trying to think whether I would be asked to be a witness but can’t think what I would have seen that could make me a witness?

In my case it was because my husband never stuck to the same story, every time he was interviewed he changed his mind and blamed everything and everybody, me, my boys, my family, my friends, my job, people he used to work with, maplins electrical company - I could go on!

I think I was asked to be a witness to prove he wouldn't have known the truth of it hit him on the nose!!

Xx