Upcoming family court hearing - for supervised contact
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Another update from the family court case for my partner to have supervised contact. This has been going on for longer than his own investigation....coming up to the three years since he applied to the family courts.
In summary for those not familiar:
My partner had the knock in 2017 and hasn't seen his kids since (both were young, under the age of 5). The mother would not allow any access and the family courts said they would not do anything until his investigation was complete. (Turns out this isn't a consistent approach from the courts and my partner could have appealed, bit he has been self representing this whole time...)
Sentenced in summer 2019, and applied to the family court a few months later once he had the funds and settled with his suspended sentence. Then COVID hit ....
Over the past three years there has been a complete mismanagement of the case, I believe it is mostly because my partner is self representing. He was told to do a self funded assessment based on vauge criteria from CAFCASS, which was then binned by the courts (despite the judge chose the assesser).
Then it came to light that the kids were meant this whole time to have an assigned guardian to legally represent them. And then SW got involved - they were not happy to hear they were being dragged in so late into the process.
The SW has been very pragmatic, and I agree with her latest view on the situation - bit it is the news my partner wants to hear....
Due to the length of time the kids have had no contact with him it has been concluded by SS that it would be too high a risk to the welfare of the kids for reintroduction. They know near enough nothing about him, as the mother doesn't really discuss him. So it will be recommended in the court hearing next week that contact is reviewed when his kids are 12-13, when they are more emotionally mature.
It was mentioned that the time it has taken to get this far has an impact on this conclusion.
It is down to the judge on how to go from here, but I suspect they will go with the SS recommendation. I know my partner would love to see his kids again, or at least some sort of communication - but the impact to reconnect would be quite upsetting to the kids, especially his eldest who has been described as a sensitive soul. And I can relate to that. Tho at 12 I wasn't emotionally mature at all.
Moving forward we are waiting to hear of my partner needs to do another assessment, tho I don't see the point if no contact is the way things are going. Then we will look into getting him counseling to process the bad news.
I know it isn't confirmed yet, but I can see this meaning he won't get contact.
I do believe kids should know their parents, but it is true that the impact he has made on their lives it may not be worth it at this time- and therefore his request to see them is somewhat selfish.
At the end of the day he did was unforgivable and he didn't think about the consequences of his actions.
In summary for those not familiar:
My partner had the knock in 2017 and hasn't seen his kids since (both were young, under the age of 5). The mother would not allow any access and the family courts said they would not do anything until his investigation was complete. (Turns out this isn't a consistent approach from the courts and my partner could have appealed, bit he has been self representing this whole time...)
Sentenced in summer 2019, and applied to the family court a few months later once he had the funds and settled with his suspended sentence. Then COVID hit ....
Over the past three years there has been a complete mismanagement of the case, I believe it is mostly because my partner is self representing. He was told to do a self funded assessment based on vauge criteria from CAFCASS, which was then binned by the courts (despite the judge chose the assesser).
Then it came to light that the kids were meant this whole time to have an assigned guardian to legally represent them. And then SW got involved - they were not happy to hear they were being dragged in so late into the process.
The SW has been very pragmatic, and I agree with her latest view on the situation - bit it is the news my partner wants to hear....
Due to the length of time the kids have had no contact with him it has been concluded by SS that it would be too high a risk to the welfare of the kids for reintroduction. They know near enough nothing about him, as the mother doesn't really discuss him. So it will be recommended in the court hearing next week that contact is reviewed when his kids are 12-13, when they are more emotionally mature.
It was mentioned that the time it has taken to get this far has an impact on this conclusion.
It is down to the judge on how to go from here, but I suspect they will go with the SS recommendation. I know my partner would love to see his kids again, or at least some sort of communication - but the impact to reconnect would be quite upsetting to the kids, especially his eldest who has been described as a sensitive soul. And I can relate to that. Tho at 12 I wasn't emotionally mature at all.
Moving forward we are waiting to hear of my partner needs to do another assessment, tho I don't see the point if no contact is the way things are going. Then we will look into getting him counseling to process the bad news.
I know it isn't confirmed yet, but I can see this meaning he won't get contact.
I do believe kids should know their parents, but it is true that the impact he has made on their lives it may not be worth it at this time- and therefore his request to see them is somewhat selfish.
At the end of the day he did was unforgivable and he didn't think about the consequences of his actions.
I am sorry to hear that your partner most likely won't get contact right now. It must be extremely hard for him, but as a mother I kind of agree. Kids need stability and a routine and no turmoil. Maybe when they are a bit older and more mature he can reconvene contact.
Our situation is different as I knew from day 1 that I wanted my husband in my life and in my kids life. But if your partners ex has completely cut him out of their lives, it makes it very difficult.
I am wishing your partner all the best, I am sure he will have contact again in the future.
Our situation is different as I knew from day 1 that I wanted my husband in my life and in my kids life. But if your partners ex has completely cut him out of their lives, it makes it very difficult.
I am wishing your partner all the best, I am sure he will have contact again in the future.
Hi,
I'm so sorry that it has taken so long for anyone to make anything like a decision in your partners case. I do agree that the emotional impact of reintroduction could be too much but I'm not sure the sw has much experience of 12/13 year olds as I feel that this isn't the age of emotional maturity at all. I'd possibly say to your partner about making a memory box for each of them with letters and cards in and try again at 16. It's important for children to know that they were in the absent parents thoughts over the years that they were separated. Love and hugs xxx
I'm so sorry that it has taken so long for anyone to make anything like a decision in your partners case. I do agree that the emotional impact of reintroduction could be too much but I'm not sure the sw has much experience of 12/13 year olds as I feel that this isn't the age of emotional maturity at all. I'd possibly say to your partner about making a memory box for each of them with letters and cards in and try again at 16. It's important for children to know that they were in the absent parents thoughts over the years that they were separated. Love and hugs xxx
I do agree that the impact would be too great, especially as it has been confirmed that due to the kids own personalities and development that there is no such support really to mitigate the impact.
I agree 12-13 is not the right age. My parents divorced at the same age range for me and I didn't take it well. Teens are full of emotions and hormones, also would be in the early years of secondary school.
I will suggest the memory box, because at the moment he isn't allowed (other than Xmas and bday cards, which the mother has admitted she witholds for the kids and is keeping them for when they are older) to sent anything written to them.
I did suggest he could ask to send them letters but SS said that it might be a one way thing as the kids are too young to really respond back and may make them ask further questions and more stress. Or that they won't want to read it or respond.
I think 16 could work, but that is GCSE time...either way I feel like because he didn't have the funds he wasn't able to get this resolved alot sooner. At least there is reassurance that we have been told there is support for his kids from school and despite all this the kids are doing ok at school.
I might suggest that if no contact is agreed in the courts he uses the money he would have used on the contact centre towards private counselling for his kids and ex wife. That is the least he could do
I agree 12-13 is not the right age. My parents divorced at the same age range for me and I didn't take it well. Teens are full of emotions and hormones, also would be in the early years of secondary school.
I will suggest the memory box, because at the moment he isn't allowed (other than Xmas and bday cards, which the mother has admitted she witholds for the kids and is keeping them for when they are older) to sent anything written to them.
I did suggest he could ask to send them letters but SS said that it might be a one way thing as the kids are too young to really respond back and may make them ask further questions and more stress. Or that they won't want to read it or respond.
I think 16 could work, but that is GCSE time...either way I feel like because he didn't have the funds he wasn't able to get this resolved alot sooner. At least there is reassurance that we have been told there is support for his kids from school and despite all this the kids are doing ok at school.
I might suggest that if no contact is agreed in the courts he uses the money he would have used on the contact centre towards private counselling for his kids and ex wife. That is the least he could do