Family and Friends Forum

Hi Lilyrose84,



These are all natural feelings, and they r still so raw at the moment but they will get easier, can he not let u no where he is, to ease ur worry, he needs to be thinking more about u and ur family and not just him, if that makes sense xxxx

Yeah I'm the same. I understand what you mean about the paranoia when you can't get a hold of him. For me it's questioning everything, I pick apart all our memories trying to figure out what was real and what was fake and trying to spot clues. I just can't switch off my mind. The trust is just totally gone. He says he loves me and I can't even believe him after all the lies and sneaking around. It feels like he was living a double life. I just say to him he has a very funny way of showing love after the mess we're in now. We are after sentencing and I had full disclosure with the solicitor and I still can't figure this all out. I love him and still want the best for him but I don't know how we move forward from this. I've had counselling and completed the course for family members but it still doesn't bring back the trust xx

I think a big emotion felt at the beginning is pure shock. How can someone you love, live with, trusted go down such a path that eventually changes the life of so many people? It's incomprehensible.......

Your mind will be in race mode, branching out in all different directions as you just overthink everything. But you will put the brakes on as time moves on and your strength/coping mechanisms will kick in.

Hug x

Hi Lilyrose84,







I understand, Honestly there is an app he could have on his phone called accountability it gives weekly reports on what apps they r using, my husband was downloading all the time obviously normal to start with but since his arrest and even now he has not once looked at port, or gone on any websites, he could have got another computer but he hasn't, he isn't Interested, so it can be done.



My husband is a lot older possibly than some of urs, ( obviously I don't no but I'm assuming )

But it can be done

I just feel that once the trust has gone it never comes back. I don't believe anything my ex ever said . I was just about to marry him and I was constantly telling people how lovely and honest he was. I feel such a fool. He was in a chat room on kik yet he swears he never chatted to anyone, just watched porn people sent him. I just don't believe him, surely he had to communicate to get it!!! I may be old fashioned but catting sexually to another adult women is cheating as far as I'm concerned and is enough to end things even without the disgusting illegal stuff.

A lot of what's has said resonates with me.
I was so very proud of my loving and honest OH. Little did I know!

He still claims to love me more than anything or anyone in this world. He "made a mistake" and "took everything for granted". Him referring to me as his soulmate and love of his life sounds so pathetic. If that was true then how can you be doing all of those things? Ours is communication. No iioc (that I know of!). Although not illegal, he was also meeting other women. It was because it was exciting and provided a thrill. Eight months later he is still drip feeding me bits of information of his other life. The trust is gone and yes I too wonder where he is or what he's doing but honestly speaking, I don't think I care that much. I'm just waiting for the police to come back with what happens next. Maybe it wouldn't be down to me to choose if I stay or not. Maybe the law will decide that. I've stopped worrying but not stopped hurting.
Love to all x

Hi,

I completely understand how u both feel, its not eastrying to forgive or forget, trust me its not easy and even though I feel he has had it easy from everyone else, I certainly haven't and sometimes I remind him hoe much he hurt me and ruined wat we had.

I won't make excuses for ur ohs because there isn't any, but wat I will say is if for any reason, they went to porn for wat ever reasons and got hooked.

People me mistakes, sometimes mistakes are massive.

Hi,

Sorry me again, but I have just had this weird dream, about our conversaion, that has woke me up and left me feeling really sad.

I really hope I haven't come across trying to upset or offend anyone, and I'm not saying it is easy to forgive, or that u should, I just wanted people to no, its OK if u do but its also OK if u don't xx

Sending love to everyone xxxx

Hi,

Sorry me again, but I have just had this weird dream, about our conversaion, that has woke me up and left me feeling really sad.

I really hope I haven't come across trying to upset or offend anyone, and I'm not saying it is easy to forgive, or that u should, I just wanted people to no, its OK if u do but its also OK if u don't xx

Sending love to everyone xxxx

Please don't feel sad. You certainly haven't offended me . To forgive or not to forgive?that is the question!!! It's everyone's choice to make. We only get one shot at life and we all do what is right for us in the end. For me it is the right decision to leave . If I was younger and had young children I'm sure it would be a harder decision and if it was my son, I would never walk away.



none of this is fair or easy. I hope you get back to sleep, sweet dreams x

I think what your feeling is normal. We're 20 months now and past sentencing. I feel as raw as day one alot at the moment I think about everything people think past sentencing the pain and over thinking stops it really doesn't. I stayed with my oh and I still feel dread even if he goes to the toilet and his got his phone. He now leaves his phone lying around when he pops upstairs or something which helps massively his also stated I can check his phone whenever I want.his also now got the visor app installed so he knows they can see everything he looks at and i don't think he realises that if he wanted to he could still look at porn I haven't mentioned it to him I think his still scared as he doesn't want to get locked up and generally think he has wanted help to get out of this addiction for a long time.his started from a teenager so at least half of his life.He never used internet the whole 18 months of investigation apart from his work phone that had firewalls on , also for a month after sentencing to make sure the software was put on even though he could of if he wanted.His looked at no porn and technicaly gone cold turkey. he did get addicted to caffeine that I pointed out to him and his response I've just made myself get out of the addiction but it's gone to something else. Now he doesn't seem bad with that either so I think if they want to they can beat these addictions with support although I'd rather him have a few coffees a day than get back in this situation again.his fully aware of what his put me and our children through aswell as family members that know. He also knows if he so happens to look at any sort of website or picture 18+ or anything me and the children will be gone and I will not allow contact.

Please give yourself time, your still processing but please know it does slowly get easier you will find yourself having normal days then you realise and think should that be happening lol. I hope you're ok and this forum will help you get through it x