Absolutely heartbroken
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I don't even know where to start I've never written on here before...in October I went through my (now ex) boyfriends phone. I don't know why, I trusted him with absolutely everything I guess I was just curious, I went on to an app I hadn't seen before called wickr me, there was loads of different chats with loads of different people, the ones I saw contained things like someone messaging him asking if he does "trade" then he would send a sexual picture or video of a child and the people would reply back with more pictures and videos, the app makes messages expire after so long so some of the chats were just him asking someone "got anymore?" I must have seen about 15 different pictures and videos he had received or sent of children, there was one message somebody had sent him saying "hello pedofile got anything nice" I was completely traumatised,I still am what else was there? That I didn't see! The stuff I saw was unimaginable so I don't know what else there was! The expired messages dated back to 4 months what else could have been there in all that time everything I thought about my beautiful boy is gone I was sectioned after I found out because I decided I couldn't live my life after knowing this , he was my world . I told him what I knew and broke down completely and ended up In hospital long story short I spent my time in hospital not telling anyone what I knew came out and tried to make things work with him, I didn't tell anyone I kept quiet I would always cry to him asking how or why and he'd tell me he's totally desensitised to things and looks at these thing to feel something , he's told me so many different things I don't know what ti think, time went on and I couldn't take it, I called the police in start of December they came to my house and I told them everything. He was arrested and questioned with a solicitor, he's on bail right now while they have his devices he has a meeting 10th feb, I am heartbroken things aren't getting better only harder I still see him everyday as we work together but we're not in a relationship I miss the happiness we had , I know what I saw but what if the police don't find it? He deleted everything after I was sent the hospital. I just wish I could see things getting better but I can't I have no happiness anymore as he was my happiness I miss him so much but at the same time how could he have ever done this! I'm heart broken
Lily1234; I'm so sorry to read this. You have been through such an ordeal. I believe You did the right thing by contacting the police. Now it's out of your hands and time you looked after yourself. Life has changed for you and all of us after the knock and realisation that maybe our lives were not what we believed them to be or that people can hurt their loved ones in such a terrible way. Unfortunately, that is something we have to learn to accept and live with but it shouldn't define us. We have a life to live and it would be a shame to let the actions of others take that away from us. Take yet even more away from us. Having said that, I was where you are once. It's getting more manageable now but some days are still a nightmare. We all find our coping mechanisms. You will too.
You are stronger than you think. We are all here for you and each other. Become a little selfish and think of your wellbeing. You've given enough of you already.
Sending hugs and strength x
You are stronger than you think. We are all here for you and each other. Become a little selfish and think of your wellbeing. You've given enough of you already.
Sending hugs and strength x
Lily,
You are a very brave woman for doing what you did and it was the right thing to do. Break ups are extremely difficult and I imagine your situation makes it 10x more difficult. I'm sure you have considered trying to go back and perhaps don't see it as an option, if your ex is willing to work on himself then maybe you could move forward, there are many people on here who have reconciled although it isn't easy.
You will move on, if you choose to, and you will find happiness again. It's hard but it's a part of life, when I left my ex I wanted to die, he was my whole world and had been the focus of my every waking thought for years, I'd put his career above mine and lost myself but I knew I had to or my life would've been awful. I spent months in a dark place and made reckless decisions trying to navigate the heartbreak and emptiness but I got there in the end and I'm so proud of myself and happier than ever. You will get there.
Sending you love and strength xx
You are a very brave woman for doing what you did and it was the right thing to do. Break ups are extremely difficult and I imagine your situation makes it 10x more difficult. I'm sure you have considered trying to go back and perhaps don't see it as an option, if your ex is willing to work on himself then maybe you could move forward, there are many people on here who have reconciled although it isn't easy.
You will move on, if you choose to, and you will find happiness again. It's hard but it's a part of life, when I left my ex I wanted to die, he was my whole world and had been the focus of my every waking thought for years, I'd put his career above mine and lost myself but I knew I had to or my life would've been awful. I spent months in a dark place and made reckless decisions trying to navigate the heartbreak and emptiness but I got there in the end and I'm so proud of myself and happier than ever. You will get there.
Sending you love and strength xx
BaffledB
I can't thank you enough for your reply it helps so much knowing I'm not alone, I've never known anyone go through the same sort of thing. He was my world too i lived my life around him I pretty much lived for him he was my reason and now the reason has gone.. I hope sometime in the future I can see life with him again I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't! Thankyou so so so much I can't even explain how kind it is of you to reply Thankyou xxxxx sending love I hope your ok xxxxxx
I can't thank you enough for your reply it helps so much knowing I'm not alone, I've never known anyone go through the same sort of thing. He was my world too i lived my life around him I pretty much lived for him he was my reason and now the reason has gone.. I hope sometime in the future I can see life with him again I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't! Thankyou so so so much I can't even explain how kind it is of you to reply Thankyou xxxxx sending love I hope your ok xxxxxx
BaffledB
hes has been put on anti depressants and is having therapyxxxx I hope it helps xxxxxx
hes has been put on anti depressants and is having therapyxxxx I hope it helps xxxxxx
RIG22
thats why I rang the police I couldn't deal with it being in my hands anymore , I'm trying to find other things in life that make me happy other than him it's hard but I'm trying , Thankyou so much for your reply it really makes me feel less alone I appreciate it so much I'm trying to not it take my happiness away xxxxx sending lots of love xzxxxxx
thats why I rang the police I couldn't deal with it being in my hands anymore , I'm trying to find other things in life that make me happy other than him it's hard but I'm trying , Thankyou so much for your reply it really makes me feel less alone I appreciate it so much I'm trying to not it take my happiness away xxxxx sending lots of love xzxxxxx
Lily,
The ex I was referring to I left due to drug addiction, cheating and basically just choosing anything in life but me, I spent years of my life on him which is why, had my current partner not have been acquitted, I probably would've left him too. I may be wrong but I get the impression you are young, I am 30 and having been through a wasted relationship/time once it's not something I would do again when consequences result from actions they have carried out, especially at a time when I may want children etc. It does depend on circumstances and the person of course and one size doesn't fit all but for any young woman who doesn't have children I would definitely think hard about what YOU want from life as it's a gamble whenever you choose to make a life with someone. My Mum always taught me to make sure you can stand on your own two feet so should your relationship become unhealthy you can leave and be okay, I didn't listen the first time but I sure as hell will make sure I bear that in mind for the rest of my life. It's a very lonely thing to go through as I think confiding in friends isn't always an option but try to get out and socialise, pick up a hobby, get in the gym, work on your career, anything which helps give you some focus on yourself and takes your mind off things. We always think we can never move on, until we meet the next person. Whatever you decide to do, we are here for you xxxx
The ex I was referring to I left due to drug addiction, cheating and basically just choosing anything in life but me, I spent years of my life on him which is why, had my current partner not have been acquitted, I probably would've left him too. I may be wrong but I get the impression you are young, I am 30 and having been through a wasted relationship/time once it's not something I would do again when consequences result from actions they have carried out, especially at a time when I may want children etc. It does depend on circumstances and the person of course and one size doesn't fit all but for any young woman who doesn't have children I would definitely think hard about what YOU want from life as it's a gamble whenever you choose to make a life with someone. My Mum always taught me to make sure you can stand on your own two feet so should your relationship become unhealthy you can leave and be okay, I didn't listen the first time but I sure as hell will make sure I bear that in mind for the rest of my life. It's a very lonely thing to go through as I think confiding in friends isn't always an option but try to get out and socialise, pick up a hobby, get in the gym, work on your career, anything which helps give you some focus on yourself and takes your mind off things. We always think we can never move on, until we meet the next person. Whatever you decide to do, we are here for you xxxx
BaffledB ,
im so so sorry to hear that I'm glad your so strong, everything you said is so true I'm trying to love myself and be happy alone before I can even think of anyone else... trying to be a little more selfish I've always given my everything to everyone and after this happened with my ex partner it's hard ti trust again I wouldn't ever trust him again Im trying to accept he's not the person I fell in love with anymore, unless a miracle happens and he is a changed man after everything and I can forgive him...for now I'm staying away from him xxxxx Thankyou so much for your messages it helps so so much xxxxxxx
im so so sorry to hear that I'm glad your so strong, everything you said is so true I'm trying to love myself and be happy alone before I can even think of anyone else... trying to be a little more selfish I've always given my everything to everyone and after this happened with my ex partner it's hard ti trust again I wouldn't ever trust him again Im trying to accept he's not the person I fell in love with anymore, unless a miracle happens and he is a changed man after everything and I can forgive him...for now I'm staying away from him xxxxx Thankyou so much for your messages it helps so so much xxxxxxx
BaffledB ,
im so so sorry to hear that I'm glad your so strong, everything you said is so true I'm trying to love myself and be happy alone before I can even think of anyone else... trying to be a little more selfish I've always given my everything to everyone and after this happened with my ex partner it's hard ti trust again I wouldn't ever trust him again Im trying to accept he's not the person I fell in love with anymore, unless a miracle happens and he is a changed man after everything and I can forgive him...for now I'm staying away from him xxxxx Thankyou so much for your messages it helps so so much xxxxxxx
im so so sorry to hear that I'm glad your so strong, everything you said is so true I'm trying to love myself and be happy alone before I can even think of anyone else... trying to be a little more selfish I've always given my everything to everyone and after this happened with my ex partner it's hard ti trust again I wouldn't ever trust him again Im trying to accept he's not the person I fell in love with anymore, unless a miracle happens and he is a changed man after everything and I can forgive him...for now I'm staying away from him xxxxx Thankyou so much for your messages it helps so so much xxxxxxx
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Oh my goodness Lily, you've been through hell. I hope you have some support and counselling for this horrible trauma and shock.
Well done my lovely for reporting what you saw. I'm sure something will be found even though he deleted them.
Look after yourself first and foremost. I would recommend one of you get a new job so you don't have to see him everyday. Obviously if you like your job, get him to leave. If you dont, look for a fresh start. I don't know how you are holding it together working with him.
well done for speaking out, we are here for you x
Well done my lovely for reporting what you saw. I'm sure something will be found even though he deleted them.
Look after yourself first and foremost. I would recommend one of you get a new job so you don't have to see him everyday. Obviously if you like your job, get him to leave. If you dont, look for a fresh start. I don't know how you are holding it together working with him.
well done for speaking out, we are here for you x