Love and feelings
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Hi guys
An I normal with my feelings? I'm so muddled and confused!!
When it first happened I couldn't look at him without feeling physically sick, after a few weeks I missed him so much it was like a physical pain.
As time went on and he was so awful over the case and or divorce my feelings slowly changed and when I saw him in court last November for his hearing I had no feelings either way about him, that remained for quite sometime.
He was sentenced in March and at the court hearing I just thought how bloody arrogant he was, now he's in prison and I'm really struggling with my feelings, I feel like I love him all over again! Is this because I'm feeling sorry for him in prison and what he's probably going through? I'd it possible to fall in and out of love with the same person or am I just feeling sorry for him??
This journey takes you through so many emotions that I didn't even know I had in me!!
I've started counselling again last week to try and help me move on but what is making me see is how manipulative he was during our marriage - must stop thinking!!!
Have a good Friday you lovely people, love to all xx
An I normal with my feelings? I'm so muddled and confused!!
When it first happened I couldn't look at him without feeling physically sick, after a few weeks I missed him so much it was like a physical pain.
As time went on and he was so awful over the case and or divorce my feelings slowly changed and when I saw him in court last November for his hearing I had no feelings either way about him, that remained for quite sometime.
He was sentenced in March and at the court hearing I just thought how bloody arrogant he was, now he's in prison and I'm really struggling with my feelings, I feel like I love him all over again! Is this because I'm feeling sorry for him in prison and what he's probably going through? I'd it possible to fall in and out of love with the same person or am I just feeling sorry for him??
This journey takes you through so many emotions that I didn't even know I had in me!!
I've started counselling again last week to try and help me move on but what is making me see is how manipulative he was during our marriage - must stop thinking!!!
Have a good Friday you lovely people, love to all xx
Tracey, I totally understand how you feel. I've been through a whole raft of emotions since this started. I love him and we've had some incredible years together, but I also hate him for the position he's put me in and how he's made me feel. I'm angry and I'm skeptical and I'm scared and I'm hopeful and hopeless, all at the same time, and that's all as a result of his actions. BUT, I can also see how broken he is by seeing the pain I'm in. There is no guidebook for how to cope with these situations and unfortunately we can't control our emotions. I hope therapy helps and you can continue to find the strength you've already shown. Xx
Hello Jayne and Tracey, I'm excatly the same with feelings and emotions. My mood goes up and down like a yo-yo some days. You have to go with what you feel. I make a lot of my decisions on what I think others are going to think or say. I have got to stop that and think about me and so have you. Take care, Lola
Thank you ladies
It means so much to get a response, especially when it makes me realise I'm not alone in this.
Xx
It means so much to get a response, especially when it makes me realise I'm not alone in this.
Xx
Tracey
i am starting counselling again soon as my husbands computer is coming back end of June and I know I have a lot to work through. So your feeling are completely normal. We were so betrayed by someone who should have loved and cherished us.
Its impacting my self esteem too as I am questioning my whole thought process and if I can trust my intuition.
saying that I do feel proud for coping as an independent woman. I don’t want to resume a relationship but often I go from feeling very sad he ruined his whole life and then the next just thinking he is incredibly stupid and nieve for getting himself in this mess. ( well arrogant for thinking he is clever than the law)
you said you felt manipulated by him that’s something you can unpick in counselling. I actually think that when men get arrested there is so much to understand and process we need someone educated to help us do this.
BY the way did you ever find out if you can write to him in prison to get answers or are you trying to close that chapter? )
although we have been left with a mess and a mountain to climb I think we will all come out of this stronger.
i am starting counselling again soon as my husbands computer is coming back end of June and I know I have a lot to work through. So your feeling are completely normal. We were so betrayed by someone who should have loved and cherished us.
Its impacting my self esteem too as I am questioning my whole thought process and if I can trust my intuition.
saying that I do feel proud for coping as an independent woman. I don’t want to resume a relationship but often I go from feeling very sad he ruined his whole life and then the next just thinking he is incredibly stupid and nieve for getting himself in this mess. ( well arrogant for thinking he is clever than the law)
you said you felt manipulated by him that’s something you can unpick in counselling. I actually think that when men get arrested there is so much to understand and process we need someone educated to help us do this.
BY the way did you ever find out if you can write to him in prison to get answers or are you trying to close that chapter? )
although we have been left with a mess and a mountain to climb I think we will all come out of this stronger.
Hi Bethlou23
I'm not going to write to him, even though I have all these mixed feelings I don't want to ever see him again!
He has rang his brother a few times and said he's shut in his cell for up to 18.5 hours a day, they have got him making curtains which made me chuckle as he's never done anything remotely helpful around the house, I also thought he could make use of the skills when he comes out but then that's in my bitchy moments which I get as well!!
We should have been going to court again in Wednesday for our divorce but he's not been in touch with his solicitor so that's been put off until September/October time, when he's released!!
Good luck with your counselling, I'm feeling really positive about mine.
Xx
I'm not going to write to him, even though I have all these mixed feelings I don't want to ever see him again!
He has rang his brother a few times and said he's shut in his cell for up to 18.5 hours a day, they have got him making curtains which made me chuckle as he's never done anything remotely helpful around the house, I also thought he could make use of the skills when he comes out but then that's in my bitchy moments which I get as well!!
We should have been going to court again in Wednesday for our divorce but he's not been in touch with his solicitor so that's been put off until September/October time, when he's released!!
Good luck with your counselling, I'm feeling really positive about mine.
Xx
Hi Tracey
I find one of the reasons I love the forum it stops me getting back into I need to message my husband. I will also be processing divorce soon. Hopefully you will feel a sense of relief after this. It’s a new chapter for us all.
Hope his brother is kind and compassionate to understanding your the innocent party in all of this. My husband family dislike me but then they don’t know all the facts at all. Wow 18 hours a day in his cell well that’s certainly space got him to think and grow as a human being. Though I wonder if he can do this or is going to revert to a poor old me stance. It’s so interesting to see that actually being found out can with help men tackle their own trauma or continue to run away. I am confident I have made the best decision for me and bet your also feeling relieved in your choice to put yourself first.
I have still not got a pet but following g the pets to be adopted pages in my area. I really feel having a dog or cat will be part of my therapy. Our house is quiet just me and my daughter.
your doing so well Tracey. Yes I am also positive about counselling!
I find one of the reasons I love the forum it stops me getting back into I need to message my husband. I will also be processing divorce soon. Hopefully you will feel a sense of relief after this. It’s a new chapter for us all.
Hope his brother is kind and compassionate to understanding your the innocent party in all of this. My husband family dislike me but then they don’t know all the facts at all. Wow 18 hours a day in his cell well that’s certainly space got him to think and grow as a human being. Though I wonder if he can do this or is going to revert to a poor old me stance. It’s so interesting to see that actually being found out can with help men tackle their own trauma or continue to run away. I am confident I have made the best decision for me and bet your also feeling relieved in your choice to put yourself first.
I have still not got a pet but following g the pets to be adopted pages in my area. I really feel having a dog or cat will be part of my therapy. Our house is quiet just me and my daughter.
your doing so well Tracey. Yes I am also positive about counselling!
Bethlou, I think this situation impacts all of our self esteem. I know I've certainly felt like a waste of space and a poor excuse for a partner. Then I have to remind myself that, not only have I spent the last five years of my life helping to raise his children in a loving and caring home, but I've also not run away when this happened. I know what you mean about feeling strong and independent. Those moments are few and far between for me, but every so often I feel like I can do this and that if everything falls apart completely, I'll keep going. Staying with my partner (for now, for the sake of his children and so that they can continue to have a relationship with him) doesn't make me weak - sometimes I think staying is harder than leaving, but then I hear what some of you ladies are going through by having left.
Tracey, I fully understand you not wanting to write to him. Sending a letter will only mean anything if he's prepared to read what's in it, anyway. (And I don't just mean read in the literal sense, but to actually absorb the words and understand how his actions have impacted on you).
There really is no right or wrong answer for us, is there?
Tracey, I fully understand you not wanting to write to him. Sending a letter will only mean anything if he's prepared to read what's in it, anyway. (And I don't just mean read in the literal sense, but to actually absorb the words and understand how his actions have impacted on you).
There really is no right or wrong answer for us, is there?
Jayne, you're definitely not weak staying, I think that's the more difficult option and Ankur the ladies that do, that said whatever decision is made needs to be right for you. For me, there were no children involved and it was an easy one, it was unforgivable
Bethlou23 - his family are pretty useless, one brother is saying it happened because of me, I forced him into doing it because I was so awful to live with and the other brother thinks I over-reacted by leaving him because 'he never touched one so what's the problem' - yep that's the mentality I'm freaking with, needless to say there isn't much contact between me and them unless absolutely necessary!
Thank God my family and friends are so wonderful and those idiots are free and far between!!
I have to say my dog is my life at the moment, I've just discovered that he had something wrong with him and the operation will cost between £3000-£4500, no a problem I'll go through the pet insurance except I've now discovered my husband cancelled it when he took the dog on!!!
Xx
Bethlou23 - his family are pretty useless, one brother is saying it happened because of me, I forced him into doing it because I was so awful to live with and the other brother thinks I over-reacted by leaving him because 'he never touched one so what's the problem' - yep that's the mentality I'm freaking with, needless to say there isn't much contact between me and them unless absolutely necessary!
Thank God my family and friends are so wonderful and those idiots are free and far between!!
I have to say my dog is my life at the moment, I've just discovered that he had something wrong with him and the operation will cost between £3000-£4500, no a problem I'll go through the pet insurance except I've now discovered my husband cancelled it when he took the dog on!!!
Xx
Tracey
now that is blooming awful how dare he cancel the pet insurance. I am completely gutted for you. Did he have no compassion for how valuable your dog is to you as a family member, I am sorry to hear this.
jayne each and everyone of our stories is different and there is no right or wrong choice. All we need to do is look after our own well-being and you sound so strong and supportive to your step children. Who you love as your own I am sure they really value you too jayne xxx
now that is blooming awful how dare he cancel the pet insurance. I am completely gutted for you. Did he have no compassion for how valuable your dog is to you as a family member, I am sorry to hear this.
jayne each and everyone of our stories is different and there is no right or wrong choice. All we need to do is look after our own well-being and you sound so strong and supportive to your step children. Who you love as your own I am sure they really value you too jayne xxx
Oh Tracey, for his family to say that is absolutely disgusting! I had a therapist tell me that this had happened because I wasn't providing what my partner needed from our relationship... Needless to say, I didn't see her again. It is absolutely not any reflection on us - I'm sure we've all had poor/unfulfilling relationships in the past, but did we resort to these methods of coping??
As for the dog, that's absolutely heartbreaking. They're not "just" a pet - they're part of the family and one of the few beings that you know will never judge you!
As for the dog, that's absolutely heartbreaking. They're not "just" a pet - they're part of the family and one of the few beings that you know will never judge you!