Feeling Broken still
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Its now been 4 months since the knock that destroyed my life, I just don't think I can keep doing this everyday, I am off work and really unwell I am a police officer and i don't know if i can ever go back, they have not only arrested my partner, but then put restrictions on my life i havent seen him for four months, i have no updates and each day gets harder and harder i am under the doctor and on meds its destroyed me completely and I don't know how i can go on living each day like this. He told me he hasn't done what they alledge i am just a mess, this isnt the first time the police have entered my private life and destroyed me, i have no trust in anyone and feel like nobody understands
skip01; just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. We here understand.
I can't comment on your work situation but maybe a lawyer or the union may be able to help.
As for how you feel 4 months after the knock; everyone here knows how that feels. Your feelings are perfectly normal for the situation. These feelings will "change" over time. I say change as oppose to "go" because I don't believe they truly ever go away. You like most if not all here will have good days and bad days for a long time to come but you'll learn to manage that and carry on living your life. What has happened to us and our families is huge. We can't be "normal" for a long while yet but our instincts and our will to survive this mess will and does kick in. Hang in there. You can do this.
Sending hugs and strength x
I can't comment on your work situation but maybe a lawyer or the union may be able to help.
As for how you feel 4 months after the knock; everyone here knows how that feels. Your feelings are perfectly normal for the situation. These feelings will "change" over time. I say change as oppose to "go" because I don't believe they truly ever go away. You like most if not all here will have good days and bad days for a long time to come but you'll learn to manage that and carry on living your life. What has happened to us and our families is huge. We can't be "normal" for a long while yet but our instincts and our will to survive this mess will and does kick in. Hang in there. You can do this.
Sending hugs and strength x
@RIG22 Thank you for your words xx I thought this morning was an Okish day and then i had a call from work asking if they can tell my team what has happened ! its sent me into a spiral and I just hate this rollercoaster, i am waiting a Psychiatrist apt, but that is going to take months and my employer won't fund it, and i have spoke to my union and they are of the same opinion No Contact with him, They are only concerned about Force reptuation not the individuals within it xx
Oh Skip I am so sorry. It isn't fair what they are doing at all. It's unacceptable for them to ask if they can inform your team, it's private business and as far as anyone needs to know you are unwell.
I would advise seeking an opinion of a solicitor in employment law. I understand that in certain professions it is more complex but I think you need some advice about what they're doing. It blows my mind how before someone is even convicted you can be treated like this and same for some of the ladies who are in healthcare or teaching. Whatever happened to innocent before proven guilty?! Is there rules against being with a partner who is alleged to have committed a crime? Say if your partner had been arrested for conspiring to sell drugs - would you have had to disclose or is it because of the nature of the alleged crime?
I know of a woman whose son was convicted for multiple SA of his nursing colleagues and reading the NMC council report for his dismissal it spoke about how because it was reported across multiple national newspapers that it would bring the company into disrepute and therefore it wasn't an option for him to continue practicing - but that was him obviously! I don't understand why partners are treated this way when they have done nothing wrong and especially prior to a conviction even being given.
Sending hugs x
I would advise seeking an opinion of a solicitor in employment law. I understand that in certain professions it is more complex but I think you need some advice about what they're doing. It blows my mind how before someone is even convicted you can be treated like this and same for some of the ladies who are in healthcare or teaching. Whatever happened to innocent before proven guilty?! Is there rules against being with a partner who is alleged to have committed a crime? Say if your partner had been arrested for conspiring to sell drugs - would you have had to disclose or is it because of the nature of the alleged crime?
I know of a woman whose son was convicted for multiple SA of his nursing colleagues and reading the NMC council report for his dismissal it spoke about how because it was reported across multiple national newspapers that it would bring the company into disrepute and therefore it wasn't an option for him to continue practicing - but that was him obviously! I don't understand why partners are treated this way when they have done nothing wrong and especially prior to a conviction even being given.
Sending hugs x
Skip01 I'm so sorry to hear that. Surely they can't update your colleagues on something so personal? No one has the right to know unless it's a threat or risk to them?
I had to wait over 6 months for therapy so it is a long wait but you will find a coping strategy. It does come with time and we don't even realise it.
I can understand you missing your partner. It's natural. I'm with my OH but still miss him incredibly. He may be there in person but the him I knew died a long time ago. That is the one I miss. There are some who find ways to move on together and I'm working on that but even if nothing more comes back from the forensics; the one reason for knock was enough to change all of what we had. The life choices he made changed our world. Now somehow we have to take control and rebuild. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that you will rebuild too. Please don't let this define or determine your future. Things do get better. A new better. You still have so much to look forward to. X
I had to wait over 6 months for therapy so it is a long wait but you will find a coping strategy. It does come with time and we don't even realise it.
I can understand you missing your partner. It's natural. I'm with my OH but still miss him incredibly. He may be there in person but the him I knew died a long time ago. That is the one I miss. There are some who find ways to move on together and I'm working on that but even if nothing more comes back from the forensics; the one reason for knock was enough to change all of what we had. The life choices he made changed our world. Now somehow we have to take control and rebuild. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that you will rebuild too. Please don't let this define or determine your future. Things do get better. A new better. You still have so much to look forward to. X