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OH is supposed to have sentencing on the 10th. Everyone, Solicitor, Barrister, Therapist, Probation, are saying it should result in a Community Order, but knowing others on here have had unexpected custodials recently, I can't help feeling like I'm counting down the days to him going to prison.
OH lost his job following the knock. There is only one person in my family that knows the truth about all this. His family know nothing as they live a long distance away so we don't see them often anyway. No friends know anything. And so I have this sick feeling in my stomach that after 10th I'm going to have to tell everyone what has happened, on my own, and deal with the fallout of that as well as figuring out how to survive alone.
I know one of the phrases used on here is hope for the best and prepare for the worst, but yesterday once it became 1st Feb, the month we'll know his punishment, I suddenly felt as if I couldn't cope and have shut down. I'm back to that time just after the knock where I can't sleep, feel permanently sick and like I can't breathe with the anxiety.
OH lost his job following the knock. There is only one person in my family that knows the truth about all this. His family know nothing as they live a long distance away so we don't see them often anyway. No friends know anything. And so I have this sick feeling in my stomach that after 10th I'm going to have to tell everyone what has happened, on my own, and deal with the fallout of that as well as figuring out how to survive alone.
I know one of the phrases used on here is hope for the best and prepare for the worst, but yesterday once it became 1st Feb, the month we'll know his punishment, I suddenly felt as if I couldn't cope and have shut down. I'm back to that time just after the knock where I can't sleep, feel permanently sick and like I can't breathe with the anxiety.
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@worse
I can completely empathise with how you are feeling, all of which is natural and to be expected. We were sadly one of those not expecting but resulting in a custodial sentence. We followed the mantra of 'prepare for the worst and hope for the best' but in all honesty I don't think the worst can be prepared for in its emotional impact at all. You can however prepare for the worst in practical terms ensuring that you have a plan. Things like contacting phone providers, knowing account numbers, leaving bank cards etc.
When I heard of my husbands sentence it felt like my world had fallen apart and I too felt unable to breathe. Nearly 2 weeks in and it feels no better but what has changed is my mindset. I will get through it and we will be ok. It's made me realise how strong I can be. I've been left with the fall out and surviving alone without his support emotionally and financially. He was the main breadwinner, we have 2 dogs, I don't drive, I work part time we have a daughter who has additional needs and mental health challenges. I'm writing lists and gradually checking things off. This last part of the journey has begun and the result was completely out of our control but it is what it is. It will end.
You don't have to share with anyone should you not want to. It's no one else's business and unless they are likely to provide you with unconditional support I would consider disclosure carefully. My Mum and my Manager know the situation outside my four walls. I've deactivated social media and am not seeking media information as it isn't anything I can control. If it won't help me get through this I don't want to know.
The support here is invaluable. Use it as much as you can. Take each day as it comes. You are strong, you are capable of overcoming the challenges, you will get through this xxx
I can completely empathise with how you are feeling, all of which is natural and to be expected. We were sadly one of those not expecting but resulting in a custodial sentence. We followed the mantra of 'prepare for the worst and hope for the best' but in all honesty I don't think the worst can be prepared for in its emotional impact at all. You can however prepare for the worst in practical terms ensuring that you have a plan. Things like contacting phone providers, knowing account numbers, leaving bank cards etc.
When I heard of my husbands sentence it felt like my world had fallen apart and I too felt unable to breathe. Nearly 2 weeks in and it feels no better but what has changed is my mindset. I will get through it and we will be ok. It's made me realise how strong I can be. I've been left with the fall out and surviving alone without his support emotionally and financially. He was the main breadwinner, we have 2 dogs, I don't drive, I work part time we have a daughter who has additional needs and mental health challenges. I'm writing lists and gradually checking things off. This last part of the journey has begun and the result was completely out of our control but it is what it is. It will end.
You don't have to share with anyone should you not want to. It's no one else's business and unless they are likely to provide you with unconditional support I would consider disclosure carefully. My Mum and my Manager know the situation outside my four walls. I've deactivated social media and am not seeking media information as it isn't anything I can control. If it won't help me get through this I don't want to know.
The support here is invaluable. Use it as much as you can. Take each day as it comes. You are strong, you are capable of overcoming the challenges, you will get through this xxx
Daffodil - Thank you so much. Do you have a date for sentencing for your person?
Life Feels Over - You are so so strong, you should be extremely proud of yourself with everything that you have to deal with. My person is the only breadwinner in our house so if he does get a custodial I have no idea how I'm going to manage financially, never mind anything else. But there's only one other alternative and I've managed so far since the knock without actually doing that so I guess one way or another I'll figure this out if I have to. Sentencing is going to mean some huge changes whatever the outcome.
Life Feels Over - You are so so strong, you should be extremely proud of yourself with everything that you have to deal with. My person is the only breadwinner in our house so if he does get a custodial I have no idea how I'm going to manage financially, never mind anything else. But there's only one other alternative and I've managed so far since the knock without actually doing that so I guess one way or another I'll figure this out if I have to. Sentencing is going to mean some huge changes whatever the outcome.
You will get through this WorseThanAnyNightmare
This part needs to happen just so you know what you have to deal with no matter what happens you will find a way to move on to the next chapter of this journey
How you are feeling is normal it's an horrendous time
Sending strength and hugs xx
This part needs to happen just so you know what you have to deal with no matter what happens you will find a way to move on to the next chapter of this journey
How you are feeling is normal it's an horrendous time
Sending strength and hugs xx
Hi,
I can completely understand how you're feeling. We had many dates for sentencing (he was remanded) and each time I built myself up thinking this was going to be the date that my world fell apart all over again. Sometimes allowing yourself to sit with your thoughts for a while is healthy, just remember that you are stronger than the person you were when you dealt with the knock. Our minds are seldom kind to us in situations beyond our control. As upset has said this next bit needs to happen. You will come through whatever the judge decides and although it may bring with it some new things to deal with you will handle this too. Thinking of you xxx
I can completely understand how you're feeling. We had many dates for sentencing (he was remanded) and each time I built myself up thinking this was going to be the date that my world fell apart all over again. Sometimes allowing yourself to sit with your thoughts for a while is healthy, just remember that you are stronger than the person you were when you dealt with the knock. Our minds are seldom kind to us in situations beyond our control. As upset has said this next bit needs to happen. You will come through whatever the judge decides and although it may bring with it some new things to deal with you will handle this too. Thinking of you xxx
I am so sorry you are going through this WorseThanAnyNightmare.
You are stronger than you think you are. I never thought I would get through this but i have. Great advice from everyone here.
Life feels Over....I am struggling on informing some one in work and disclosing to them. Your words about disclosure has given me something to think about. I was actually thinking on how they would feel instead of focusing on what it means to me. Thank you
You are stronger than you think you are. I never thought I would get through this but i have. Great advice from everyone here.
Life feels Over....I am struggling on informing some one in work and disclosing to them. Your words about disclosure has given me something to think about. I was actually thinking on how they would feel instead of focusing on what it means to me. Thank you
keep an open mind, prepare for every outcome. This is a horrible time, so bad that it makes the limbo stage seem ok!
But it means there is light at the end of the tunnel, a long way to go but you will get there.
i think most PSR say community order,nobody told me this until-the solicitor said it's unlikely when cat A's are involved. (Although I have seen some on here that had a c/o with cat a's!).
Ended up with a suspended, which obviously was happy that it wasn't custodial, but I was still pining for the community order! Still had a prison bag packed just in case though.
just remember you haven't done anything wrong and you can't control this. You are stronger than you realise xx
But it means there is light at the end of the tunnel, a long way to go but you will get there.
i think most PSR say community order,nobody told me this until-the solicitor said it's unlikely when cat A's are involved. (Although I have seen some on here that had a c/o with cat a's!).
Ended up with a suspended, which obviously was happy that it wasn't custodial, but I was still pining for the community order! Still had a prison bag packed just in case though.
just remember you haven't done anything wrong and you can't control this. You are stronger than you realise xx