Family and Friends Forum

Hi Webb89

This journey certainly takes its toll on us x

There is no right or wrong answer should you open up or not

This is your business and no one elses but it is also your story to tell should you want to it is what feels right for you

Try not to dwell on what you think you need to do maybe wait and see how you feel

We are all here to offer you support aswell as advice

Sending hugs xx

Webb89

This journey is by far one of the toughest things we have had to cope with but you are not alone

You will have good days and bad days but you will cope and you will as we have to x

Dont add more pressure on yourself , I have told some people, I have also been shown a lot of compassion and understanding, but I have also had some walk away, I have no control over this

Be kind to yourself xx

I'm afraid I don't have the answer but understand the tension between trying to protect oneself and wanting to be your own true self. My husband is half way through his SOR and supervision so we are well past having to face the neighbours, telling employers etc. But it comes up. For example on a recent holiday fellow travellers recommended visiting several places we can't go now due to my husband's offending behaviour. What do we say? Nothing. We just nod and say how interesting that all sounds. This sounds very trivial compared to what we've already been through but it is an illustration of how difficult it is to be yourself. Another example is telling people my husband is semi retired or self employed to put a positive spin on the fact he lost his job when charged and now picks up bits and pieces of work from a friend. Even though we are not the guilty parties many of us, especially those of us who stay, wonder if we can ever be our own true selves again.

Judith

Hi Webb, you're not really lying you're protecting yourself. Your business nobody else's. If you don't see them outside of work I wouldn't put yourself though it x

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I had similar recently with my neighbour. She'd noticed we only had one car and was asking about it. So I told her we'd separated but not why. I felt bad as we've been neighbours for a number of years and several of my neighbours do know as it was in the paper. A friend said you don't owe anyone an explanation, you don't need to tell anyone if you don't want to. It goes completely against my nature to not tell people the truth and I'm sure she'll hear from someone else, but I also think if they do hear from someone else they would hopefully understand the reasons for not saying anything.

People are so nosy! My neighbour shouted toe last week 'are you single or not?' said back 'it's no one's business. Can you believe when the cops arrested my person 2 of them had the cheek to come to my door and ask what' happened. I told them where to go!! Noone needs an explanation of your private life. I more or less told peilw in work it's my business and I don't 2ant to talk about the split. They don't pay my bills or look after my family. Its just pure noseyness