Feeling alone
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This is my first post so not really sure how to start. Got the knock just over a week ago, OH had been arrested while away working and I couldn't get hold of anyone to find out why until police showed up in the afternoon. They explained what had happened, chat log and pics, and my whole world felt like it came crashing down around me. They searched the house and took a few items, then after a chat they left. I waited for him to call me which he finally did at 3am once he had been bailed. He went back to work and though we spoke on the phone I didn't see him until four days later.
We talked alot on the phone during that time and even more so face to face after he was home. We are both in contact with LFF and he's also in touch with stopso. Our kids are all grown up, he's not allowed to see the grandkids, but for the most part the family have been very supportive.
I'm trying to be strong for everyone else but I'm a bit of a loner and don't really have anyone I can confide in so I'm breaking down when on my own, trying to get through work, forcing myself to eat and not sleeping great. I'm terrified of the future, that up until a few days ago seemed so full of love and life. I love this man and I know its early days but I really don't want to walk away, if I can survive this with him then I will but does that make me a bad person? So many conflicting feelings right now. LFF pointed me to this forum, so guess I'm just asking for a bit of support from some others who know how I'm feeling
Please just help me get through this!!
We talked alot on the phone during that time and even more so face to face after he was home. We are both in contact with LFF and he's also in touch with stopso. Our kids are all grown up, he's not allowed to see the grandkids, but for the most part the family have been very supportive.
I'm trying to be strong for everyone else but I'm a bit of a loner and don't really have anyone I can confide in so I'm breaking down when on my own, trying to get through work, forcing myself to eat and not sleeping great. I'm terrified of the future, that up until a few days ago seemed so full of love and life. I love this man and I know its early days but I really don't want to walk away, if I can survive this with him then I will but does that make me a bad person? So many conflicting feelings right now. LFF pointed me to this forum, so guess I'm just asking for a bit of support from some others who know how I'm feeling
Please just help me get through this!!
Even in the best of circumstances, this is an incredibly isolating experience. You are very early in this journey and I can say that the first few weeks are definitely the worst (so far - I'm three months in).
I can recommend talking to your GP, they have been a huge help to me.
Your feelings towards your husband will vary wildly (at least mine have). My overall instinct is to stay with him, but some days I just want him out of my life.
Be careful who you tell; even close friends may not be supportive.
We are all here to support each other and you will find answers to most of your questions on this forum. There are some brilliant, wise women on here who will lift you daily!
x
I can recommend talking to your GP, they have been a huge help to me.
Your feelings towards your husband will vary wildly (at least mine have). My overall instinct is to stay with him, but some days I just want him out of my life.
Be careful who you tell; even close friends may not be supportive.
We are all here to support each other and you will find answers to most of your questions on this forum. There are some brilliant, wise women on here who will lift you daily!
x
Hi SadSal,
As has already been said this is a very isolating situation. You are not alone though, we are all here to support you, listen to vent when you need to and guide you with any questions you have. I'm two and a half years down the line now and can honestly say I have so many more good days than bad. The first few weeks are tough, eat, drink and sleep when you can. It's really good that you have support around you both and that you've both sought help already. You are not a bad person for wanting to work through this. You haven't done anything wrong at all. We can stay without condoning what they have done and we can leave without any judgement. There is a mix of people on here with various relationships to the person who has offended and we all support each other. It's a very individual decision and we all understand that. Love to you xxx
As has already been said this is a very isolating situation. You are not alone though, we are all here to support you, listen to vent when you need to and guide you with any questions you have. I'm two and a half years down the line now and can honestly say I have so many more good days than bad. The first few weeks are tough, eat, drink and sleep when you can. It's really good that you have support around you both and that you've both sought help already. You are not a bad person for wanting to work through this. You haven't done anything wrong at all. We can stay without condoning what they have done and we can leave without any judgement. There is a mix of people on here with various relationships to the person who has offended and we all support each other. It's a very individual decision and we all understand that. Love to you xxx
SadSal; I can't add to what the others have said I can only echo it.
Feelings will and do change on a daily basis if not by the minute. Something you see or remember will trigger it. You'll think of something and want the answer from him immediately or it'll just swirl round in your head all day. It's all "normal". Don't be hard on yourself. Allow yourself to feel this way. The pain doesn't go away unfortunately but you do learn to cope better and enjoy moments again.
It's a lonely journey and can be a long one too so please try and take care of yourself.
We all understand what it feels like in those initial days. The nightmare that becomes our new way of life.
Please don't feel alone. We are all here for you X
Feelings will and do change on a daily basis if not by the minute. Something you see or remember will trigger it. You'll think of something and want the answer from him immediately or it'll just swirl round in your head all day. It's all "normal". Don't be hard on yourself. Allow yourself to feel this way. The pain doesn't go away unfortunately but you do learn to cope better and enjoy moments again.
It's a lonely journey and can be a long one too so please try and take care of yourself.
We all understand what it feels like in those initial days. The nightmare that becomes our new way of life.
Please don't feel alone. We are all here for you X
@sadsal your post reminds me of my first. This is an isolating and desperately hard journey. It can also be arduously long. We were 18 months from knock to sentencing. We have all shared the feelings you are currently experiencing and will continue to share others at differing times on our journey. The support on this forum is absolutely invaluable. You are absolutely not alone x
Thank you for all the kinds words, I've read so much on here over the last few days, and realise we are all in the same boat. I've been trying to keep busy with work, but soon as I get home and I'm alone its like a slap in the face. He works away a lot and though we talk, phone, video call, etc it's not the same. My own thoughts run wild and I just stare blankly. Trying to keep going, and distracting myself, LFF have been great, will be calling them again in the morning.
Thank you again, having someone to be open with is a huge help xx
Thank you again, having someone to be open with is a huge help xx
Hello. Welcome to the club noone wants to be in. I remember those first few weeks and months, heads all. Over the place. I used to do the staring into space thing yo. Still do sometimes. It's like a kind of greive so practise self care and go with your emotions. I akways had questions for my person and he did answer them. He wtite me letters for the difficult stuff which really helped us both. You're both in the right track with lff. Thing will get easier. I promise they will
You have a long wait until court charges etc so try to be honest with each other and see how things go. I'm. Split from my person now but we tried to make a go of it and had some wonderful times and conversations in the limbo bit. It changed us both. We are all here when you need us.
You have a long wait until court charges etc so try to be honest with each other and see how things go. I'm. Split from my person now but we tried to make a go of it and had some wonderful times and conversations in the limbo bit. It changed us both. We are all here when you need us.