What's worse than nightmare?
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The knock came in November 2021 for talking about sexual acts with underage. Also sharing a photo of our daughter (he screenshot it from Facebook, nothing explicit). Investigation is still ongoing and he has no bail conditions.
He didn't come home but stayed with his family. No one knows aside from me, my mother in law and sadly my now 20 year old daughter. My 13 year old son thinks we have just separated.
After 5 weeks of no contact, I reached out to him. I was still very much in love with him and was struggling badly with everything including living without him. We have been in close contact and have eventually got to talking about future plans if this all goes away. I was still scared and not sure I was doing the right thing but...I love him. We have been together for 23 years, I was 16 and he was 18. I have no idea how to be an adult without him. He is the only man that has ever been near me. I've never even kissed anyone else. I have spent my entire adult life trying to be the perfect little wife, always keeping a clean home, baking constantly, rubbing his feet, always looking my best with clothes and makeup, sex whenever he wanted. I'm very serious when I say, I have turned it in to a career. Aside from my 2 children, he was my everything!
2 days ago I got a call from the police officer dealing with the case. She said they had arrested him on a seperate offence. In September just gone, he was communicating with a man that was sexually abusing his 13 year old daughter and that he asked for pictures but not explicit 1s.
I can't believe he did this while our lives were looking up! I was struggling to get through the 1st round and he was already off the wagon and going at it again.
I now realise that it's some kind of addiction. I've known for a long time that he was a sociopath. I think it's time to pack up my family and move a long way away. I can't take it here. I'm terrified all the time. I'm petrified that someone will find out what he has done. I scared that he has no regard for us. It was already a nightmare and somehow, although I didn't think it was possible, he's made it worse!
I don't know what to do!!
He didn't come home but stayed with his family. No one knows aside from me, my mother in law and sadly my now 20 year old daughter. My 13 year old son thinks we have just separated.
After 5 weeks of no contact, I reached out to him. I was still very much in love with him and was struggling badly with everything including living without him. We have been in close contact and have eventually got to talking about future plans if this all goes away. I was still scared and not sure I was doing the right thing but...I love him. We have been together for 23 years, I was 16 and he was 18. I have no idea how to be an adult without him. He is the only man that has ever been near me. I've never even kissed anyone else. I have spent my entire adult life trying to be the perfect little wife, always keeping a clean home, baking constantly, rubbing his feet, always looking my best with clothes and makeup, sex whenever he wanted. I'm very serious when I say, I have turned it in to a career. Aside from my 2 children, he was my everything!
2 days ago I got a call from the police officer dealing with the case. She said they had arrested him on a seperate offence. In September just gone, he was communicating with a man that was sexually abusing his 13 year old daughter and that he asked for pictures but not explicit 1s.
I can't believe he did this while our lives were looking up! I was struggling to get through the 1st round and he was already off the wagon and going at it again.
I now realise that it's some kind of addiction. I've known for a long time that he was a sociopath. I think it's time to pack up my family and move a long way away. I can't take it here. I'm terrified all the time. I'm petrified that someone will find out what he has done. I scared that he has no regard for us. It was already a nightmare and somehow, although I didn't think it was possible, he's made it worse!
I don't know what to do!!
I think that you do know what to do but it's scary. It's easy for someone to say leave him but this is your whole life being turned upside down. The question you have to ask is can you stay and accept what he's done and not let it eat away at you. I would leave but I'm not you and it has to be your decision xx
Hey there, sorry you're in the club noone wants to be in. I can feel the emotion through this post and sounds horrific. Don't make any major changes or big decisions yet, your head is a mess and you might do something you'll regret and that is too much for you and your kids to deal with right now. Contact your go. You're clearly suffering and you can get referred to therapy, medicine too. I did this and it helped me to cope better and see things clearly. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this twice. You can also call the stop helpline etc. Has your person did any work at all in himself? Therapy, lff models, called the helpline or seen a doc? He's not going to stop or get to the bottom of this until he does. Maybe stop contact with him for a whileagwin give yourself space and consentrate on you. You sound Co dependent on him and its also like an addiction to break free of him. Maybe spend some time alone and be independent for a while before you up and run? It's hard, believe me I know, probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but it does get easier after time. Then you will have more strength to make an informed decision. We are here for you so jump. On here and ask questions or rant xx
I'm so sorry to hear of you dealing with it all over again.
I can't say if you should stay or leave, but maybe for the first time in 23 years you need to put yourself first. Whether it be stay or leave, put your needs first x
I can't say if you should stay or leave, but maybe for the first time in 23 years you need to put yourself first. Whether it be stay or leave, put your needs first x
Annamarie; I'm so sorry for you. I understand a lot of what you're saying about only being with your OH and making a career out of putting his needs before yours.
I am so saddened to read what your OH has done again. It's devastating to read how some can be so reckless leaving ours in such pain for their gratification.
As much as I'd like to believe my OH wouldn't do that now, I really can't guarantee it. He's let me down so hugely before that I wouldn't put anything past him but I do know that if my OH continued with these acts then it would be clear that he's made his decision and now I've got to make mine. It really isn't a choice if you think about it. It's either you accept them with their acts and stand by or you rebuild yourself and your life without them.
Having said that, it's not easy either way and a decision only you can make. I sincerely wish you the best and hope you do what makes you and your children happy.
Big hug x
I am so saddened to read what your OH has done again. It's devastating to read how some can be so reckless leaving ours in such pain for their gratification.
As much as I'd like to believe my OH wouldn't do that now, I really can't guarantee it. He's let me down so hugely before that I wouldn't put anything past him but I do know that if my OH continued with these acts then it would be clear that he's made his decision and now I've got to make mine. It really isn't a choice if you think about it. It's either you accept them with their acts and stand by or you rebuild yourself and your life without them.
Having said that, it's not easy either way and a decision only you can make. I sincerely wish you the best and hope you do what makes you and your children happy.
Big hug x
Thank you all for your conforting replies.
I know I can't be near him anymore or have him near my son. My daughter says he's dead to her so I don't need to worry about him contacting her. He is staying 1 hour away with family. I've communicated to him that he is not to come near any of us and he has agreed (that at least i believe he can do). Until I know what's happening with police and any conviction, I think we will be staying put. Its 100% over between us but I'm not throwing my lovely family home away just yet.
I really made my decision a couple of days ago. When I came on here this morning and read your messages, it made me feel like I've made the right 1.
I know I can't be near him anymore or have him near my son. My daughter says he's dead to her so I don't need to worry about him contacting her. He is staying 1 hour away with family. I've communicated to him that he is not to come near any of us and he has agreed (that at least i believe he can do). Until I know what's happening with police and any conviction, I think we will be staying put. Its 100% over between us but I'm not throwing my lovely family home away just yet.
I really made my decision a couple of days ago. When I came on here this morning and read your messages, it made me feel like I've made the right 1.