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Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Sun February 5, 2023 7:15amReport post

I'm sure we can, in the midst of this horror we are going through, find something that made us smile, let's share stories, it could work.

Here goes with mine. The numerous police people knocked on our door early (we were in bed) - (this tends to be their favourite time to devastate people)! they had come to take my son in.

They actually went upstairs to my son, no doubt a shock to see a DC hovering above your face as you wake up! In his scramble to get dressed in front of her - he accidentally put on odd trainers. He left the house in his odd trainers.....

In his prison stores he now has these 'odd' trainers and I keep telling him I have the other foot waiting for him on release!!!!!!!!

Edited Sun February 5, 2023 7:24am

Newlady

Member since
April 2021

644 posts

Posted Sun February 5, 2023 7:51amReport post

The knock came in early evening for me. The thing I laugh at at the time, looking back now, the female officer before she left told me to go get a bottle of wine and a Chinese and forget this ever happened lol like whattt? Also my 2 neighbours comi g to my door in their pj's to ask what happened and me telling them to f*** off and chasing them down the path lol.

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Sun February 5, 2023 11:28amReport post

Morning lovely ladies,

There is definitely nothing from the knock which happened that made me giggle in any way but the trial defo did. The bullying officers being ripped apart by the judge, one having a warrant put out for their arrest and being questioned like a naughty school child and the other being told he isn't Poirot and there is no reason he should be questioning people the way he did. It's enough to make anyone smile! I hope it makes them think twice before they roll into people's houses with their lies and aggression because they're not always right but even if they are, it's unnecessary to behave the way they did and they were held accountable for that.

RIG22

Member since
September 2022

138 posts

Posted Sun February 5, 2023 11:51amReport post

Good morning All.
Like most on here, ours was an early morning knock. I woke up to a PC stood in my bedroom asking me to get dressed. I was in shock as I got out of bed. At first and for a good whilst I was shaking and heart was racing because I thought maybe they'd come to tell me something horrible had happened to my son. Walking out of my bedroom I found police on the landing, in the hall and in almost every room.
I remember the half/sad smiles they gave me as I walked past them on my way to the lounge. I actually cried out loud as they lead my husband away. I still didn't know why. He was in shock and didn't say a word to me.
I will never forget that morning or the fear I felt. I thought they were there to tell me my son was dead (he wasn't home) and then finding out my husband had destroyed our lives.
Through this journey I always used to think "what else can go wrong" as if nothing more could happen because I was already suffering enough but there is alway potential for more. I'm blessed that this was why the police were there. It's bought the reality of our marriage out in the open so we can work on what's important and put an end to the dark life my OH was leading. If that day the police hadn't arrived then I'd have been none the wiser and he would have continued with his horrible acts/life. Maybe leading to even more serious things. At least now we can live an honest life wherever that may lead.
The biggest blessing though is my initial fear that day (my son's safety) was not the case. He is safe, happy and healthy and living his life. I can't thank God enough for that.
So yes, in many ways I do believe the knock was a good thing to have happened. He needed it and it's made us face the reality of our marriage and life.
x

Edited Sun February 5, 2023 11:56am

Claire91

Member since
December 2021

1 post

Posted Sun February 5, 2023 2:16pmReport post

This is exactly the thread that I needed to read today.

I don't have a good funny story to go with this. But I will say the same that the silver lining in all of this is that me and my OH have a much stronger and more honest relationship now. He was struggling with a lot of issues and the knock gave him the shock he needed to make a change.

He has been completely honest with me about all of this since day 1, he has sought help for his issues and is trying to become a better version of himself.

I haven't ever posted on here before but I have visited regularly over the last 14 months and this community has given me so much support and hope throughout this whole awful ordeal.

Love and support to everyone xxx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Sun February 5, 2023 2:17pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon February 6, 2023 2:18pm

loulou74

Member since
September 2022

255 posts

Posted Sun February 5, 2023 3:44pmReport post

Ours wasn't early. I had a call at work about lunchtime telling me there was nothing to worry about, the boys were fine (police were standing on my doorstep and boys were home alone) but they needed me to come home. Like RIG, I immediately assumed someone had died. I had no inkling what was about to destroy our lives. Fortunately, we only had 2 officers and they were very considerate of the kids. I don't remember anything funny from the whole process but I do remember thinking at sentencing when they talked about my husband talking to the decoys for about 10 minutes, he never speaks to me that long on the phone!

RIG22

Member since
September 2022

138 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 12:19pmReport post

loulou74; although it's not funny but your last sentence made me smile. My OH would almost have a meltdown if I asked him to pick something up from the supermarket on his way home from work but didn't think twice about travelling hundreds of miles to meet strangers. Although a bit trivial in comparison to the whole situation, I almost wanted to get him in a headlock when I found that out. The things they'd do for their own gratification!
Fastforward several months later and he can't do enough for me. I no longer sit ridged in the car with him because there's a traffic jam up ahead. I think he used to have a Mosses complex and think the traffic should part like the Red Sea for him! Now he is happy to do things like a "normal" person would. A bit too little, too late but I'm just hoping it lasts. Fingers crossed.

x

Edited Mon February 6, 2023 12:21pm

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 1:08pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon February 6, 2023 5:17pm

RIG22

Member since
September 2022

138 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 2:43pmReport post

Smile through tears; that sea is never going to part for any of us unfortunately but we will have to swim our way through it and swim through it we will!

I wish the changes you, I and others are now seeing now could have happened without us having to live through this hell but sadly it was meant to be. I'm feeling more positive today (thank God!) and counting my blessings for the good I still have in my life and I'm holding on very tight.
Your son, like my OH are capable of lots of good but they just took everything for granted - like most people would and now have gone back to basics. Let's hope and pray these changes they have had to make last forever and help build a better future not just for them but for those who love and care for them too.
Sending all the best wishes to you and your son. X

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 2:51pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon February 6, 2023 5:16pm

WorseThanAnyNightmare

Member since
April 2022

82 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 4:23pmReport post

Definitely nothing funny about the day of the knock for me. Another with an early morning knock on the door, then hearing someone talking to OH and the words "arresting you". I spent the whole day really thinking it must be some horrible mistake, but no.....

I can't think of anything funny since either right now I'm afraid, but we have sentencing on Fri so my mind is full of that right now and I'm back to not sleeping and barely being able to function like I was at the beginning.

But it is good to see that in the future I may be able to look back and find something funny.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 5:15pmReport post

Hi lovelies - I wasn't trying to suggest any of this journey is 'funny' or show disrespect to what people are going through. Far far from that.......

Sorry if I gave this impression and upset anyone x

Edited Mon February 6, 2023 5:28pm

RIG22

Member since
September 2022

138 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 8:07pmReport post

Smile through tears; of course you weren't. I didn't think you meant funny in the humorous way but more irony kind of way.
Im sure others may have seen it in that way too so I wouldn't worry. Sometimes things are read differently by people but this is our safe space so I think you should be able to say how you feel. X

Ive just noticed you've deleted some of your posts. Your first post made me smile but seeing your deleted posts makes me sad. As I've said, this is our safe space. You should feel free to express your thoughts and feelings. In some way your words may have resonated or/and meant something to someone. Big hug X

Edited Mon February 6, 2023 9:45pm

Seaside

Member since
July 2022

558 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 8:27pmReport post

Oh Smile I'm sure nobody ever thought that you found any aspect of this whole nightmare amusing in any way rather than being ironic.

Big hugs to you xx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Mon February 6, 2023 9:09pmReport post

Thankyou. My sense of humour is never far away and like you say Seaside/RIGG, it's the irony of certain things that make me smile. This journey is no joke!

I do choose to delete a lot of posts - just for security reasons!

Edited Mon February 6, 2023 9:56pm

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 9:11amReport post

Smile

You could never upset anyone with your posts

We all need a bit of irony now and again as let's face it this journey has its moments:-) xx

Life feels over

Member since
September 2022

412 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 4:27pmReport post

One of the only things I can look back on with a wry smile is the interaction our adult daughter had with the officer searching her room. Our daughter is now a young adult, she is neurodivergent and struggles with life affecting contamination OCD amongst other things. We have adapted as a family to 'manage' this and everything it entails. As with many neurodivergents she is direct and blunt and if it's in her head it will often escape from her mouth. It's a refreshing trait in my opinion.

That Officer washed her gloved hands more times in the space of that search than she has probably done in a lifetime.

When she thought it appropriate to search through my daughters adult toys in her bedside table and question why she had so many I'm sure you can imagine the direct and blunt response lol

I think this thread reminds us that we must seek something manageable as a memory to see beyond the trauma it leaves with us.

xx

Edited Tue February 7, 2023 4:30pm

Em_bean

Member since
September 2022

38 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 5:59pmReport post

The day of the knock one of the officers had the same name as me so every time they called them I would look over and vice versa. He was really nice and I managed a little laugh over that

K4

Member since
October 2022

608 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 6:05pmReport post

Life feels over! That is a great story! I think your daughter sounds awesome!!



X

Seaside

Member since
July 2022

558 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 12:43pmReport post

The only thing that made me smile after we had the knock was that they insisted on taking 2 memory sticks belonging to me -both password protected and neither of which had ever been accessed by anyone else.

What was on them both was research notes and ancient documents in Latin and Greek so it literally would have been all Greek to them.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Sun February 12, 2023 5:18amReport post

Another thing that makes me smile. When I talk to my son I can hear the seagulls in the background, they are extremely loud and sometimes he has to raise his voice!

it sounds like he's on holiday!

Edited Sun February 12, 2023 5:20am

Inturmoil1974

Member since
November 2022

275 posts

Posted Sun February 12, 2023 8:01amReport post

My daughter asked her dad to watch a movie with us, it's the first time since the knock I feel her counselling is helping, baby steps I know but it makes me smile

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Sun February 12, 2023 8:44amReport post

Any smile on this journey is good x

EllBee

Member since
April 2022

139 posts

Posted Sun February 12, 2023 8:46amReport post

That's a lovely step even if it is a baby step, good news and great for you to witness. That will build!

Talking of movies our 'funny' was on the day of the knock our girls had been told by the police to stay in their rooms whilst the house was searched. They got really worried as a couple of days before they had watched a pirated video of a big blockbuster film, on YouTube I think, before it was released, and were really worried that they were in trouble for it. When I told them the real reason the older one was relieved (I don't think she had listened to me properly) which I find quite sweet and shows how innocent they are! It made me chuckle after a few days. That is the only vaguely funny aspect to the hideous traumatic experience

Nonna

Member since
December 2018

85 posts

Posted Sun February 12, 2023 12:01pmReport post

Hi lovely

When I look back the thing that makes me smile now but not then was wen my son came home from arrest that day he walked through the door with the standard issue grey custody sweatshirt on and the plimsolls under his arm , on questioning him why he still has them he said well they are new and good quality, to which I grabbed the plimsolls from him and ran like a mad women to the outside bin and nearly ripped his skin off with the sweatshirt, my son has always had ocd with collecting but this took the **** biscuit xx

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Sun February 12, 2023 1:14pmReport post

My partner and I are looking to buy a house when he's released and renovate it. My parents sad that's stressful - That'll test the relationship. We all stopped and laughed at that!