I just can’t do this anymore
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Sat here shaking crying and being physically sick-I just can't do this anymore
Please call someone x
Or talk here. I'm here x
Seaside. We all understand that this is a nightmare journey that never seems to end.
You might not feel strong enough right now so take the time to process and let your emotions out. Try to remember that as hard as it is right now, it is not forever.
There are lots of mental support groups for both you and your son.
You have come this far, that means you are strong and your strength will come back x
You might not feel strong enough right now so take the time to process and let your emotions out. Try to remember that as hard as it is right now, it is not forever.
There are lots of mental support groups for both you and your son.
You have come this far, that means you are strong and your strength will come back x
Seaside
Please reach out on here for support
We are all here for you xxx
Contact your GP
You have come this far and no matter how tough this is you will get through it
Dont let this get the better of you please xx
Please reach out on here for support
We are all here for you xxx
Contact your GP
You have come this far and no matter how tough this is you will get through it
Dont let this get the better of you please xx
Seaside, you can my lovely, and you will. Things will get better. Make sure you speak to someone. Everything can seem impossible and bleak when you are feeling at your lowest but remember this is temporary. One step at a time you will reach out of that pit and see the blue sky.
Seaside. We are all here for you. Please reach out to gp and get some help. You are not alone in this. Us on this forum together are a close club that no one wants to be in but are so so close please don't be alone xxxx
Stay strong Seaside. You have come this far and you can do the rest..
Sending you lots of love.
Mind over matter...mind over matter... do something to distract you and then do the next right thing.xxx
Sending you lots of love.
Mind over matter...mind over matter... do something to distract you and then do the next right thing.xxx
Hugs to you Seaside xxx
Bless you Seaside - we've all felt how you are feeling right now and it's bloody horrible. I use to sob every time I was on my own and when I went to bed / my body was in real pain too. Quite often I have a cry now as I miss my son SO very much.
You have us here for you, I managed those days without seeking help but please reach out don't suffer in silence x hugs sent my friend xxxxxx
You have us here for you, I managed those days without seeking help but please reach out don't suffer in silence x hugs sent my friend xxxxxx
Seaside, you're allowed to fall apart sometimes you've been a pillar of strength to your son but whhos giving uou strength? Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself a bad day of. Crying and wallowing. Believe me I know I've had many and am still having them but. Once I let it out I. Feel better the next day. Speak to someone ASAP. You don't have to be alone xx
Smile through tears - you are one bloody strong woman coping with everything with no outside help.
seaside - so many times I have had days like you have today. Cry all your tears today and tomorrow wake up feeling strong again. I know we can't but I wish we could all meet in person to support each other on days like this when no one else understands what we are going through xx
seaside - so many times I have had days like you have today. Cry all your tears today and tomorrow wake up feeling strong again. I know we can't but I wish we could all meet in person to support each other on days like this when no one else understands what we are going through xx
Thankyou Mandymoo - my strength comes from the deep love I have for my son. I'm absolutely furious with him - he's devastated our lives. But the love has never faltered (which many wouldn't understand).
I have gone against my family as I secretly keep in touch with him - I know he's not what people perceive and my strength is having that mental fight in my head. I know I am right.
Not easy tho -- a shocking journey for everyone whose caught up in it. Xxxxx
I have gone against my family as I secretly keep in touch with him - I know he's not what people perceive and my strength is having that mental fight in my head. I know I am right.
Not easy tho -- a shocking journey for everyone whose caught up in it. Xxxxx
Seaside, I can't read and not respond, please be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel however you want to. I can honestly say that over time the days do get better and happier, after many months/years of crying at least once a day, I found I no longer felt I needed to, and am now very comfortable in letting my emotions out whenever I need to, and I feel the benefits form doing so.
it's one thing I learnt from my ex, keeping emotions in and hidden is not healthy, that's what he did and he got himself into this mess! Xxx
it's one thing I learnt from my ex, keeping emotions in and hidden is not healthy, that's what he did and he got himself into this mess! Xxx
Seaside,
Please let us know you're okay. Is there anything we can do to help? We can't put personal stuff on here but some of us are on Mumsnet so can speak through there.
Sending love xx
Please let us know you're okay. Is there anything we can do to help? We can't put personal stuff on here but some of us are on Mumsnet so can speak through there.
Sending love xx
Morning Seaside
Just wanted to check in on you xx
Just wanted to check in on you xx
Thank you for all your messages.
I'm reeling today because my son texted the Visor to ask whether he had actually gone into his employer on Friday and if so who he had spoken to as the store manager was on leave that day.
He then got a phone call from the visor to say that yes he had gone in and that he had spoken to the duty manager.
When my son pointed out that this was not the store manager and that now 2 people knew the situation the thug totally disregarded him and kept talking over him.
My son then politely asked if he could be allowed to speak and was told that the visor didn't like his tone and he wasn't doing himself any favours by questioning him.
The implicit threat was that he would make life more difficult.
He was also told that he is an offender and therefore has to be compliant with whatever is said or done.
I am speechless now but this is just so so wrong however if we complain it is going to get worse.
I really can't live like this for the next 5 years.
I'm reeling today because my son texted the Visor to ask whether he had actually gone into his employer on Friday and if so who he had spoken to as the store manager was on leave that day.
He then got a phone call from the visor to say that yes he had gone in and that he had spoken to the duty manager.
When my son pointed out that this was not the store manager and that now 2 people knew the situation the thug totally disregarded him and kept talking over him.
My son then politely asked if he could be allowed to speak and was told that the visor didn't like his tone and he wasn't doing himself any favours by questioning him.
The implicit threat was that he would make life more difficult.
He was also told that he is an offender and therefore has to be compliant with whatever is said or done.
I am speechless now but this is just so so wrong however if we complain it is going to get worse.
I really can't live like this for the next 5 years.
Thank you for all your messages.
I'm reeling today because my son texted the Visor to ask whether he had actually gone into his employer on Friday and if so who he had spoken to as the store manager was on leave that day.
He then got a phone call from the visor to say that yes he had gone in and that he had spoken to the duty manager.
When my son pointed out that this was not the store manager and that now 2 people knew the situation the thug totally disregarded him and kept talking over him.
My son then politely asked if he could be allowed to speak and was told that the visor didn't like his tone and he wasn't doing himself any favours by questioning him.
The implicit threat was that he would make life more difficult.
He was also told that he is an offender and therefore has to be compliant with whatever is said or done.
I am speechless now but this is just so so wrong however if we complain it is going to get worse.
I really can't live like this for the next 5 years.
I'm reeling today because my son texted the Visor to ask whether he had actually gone into his employer on Friday and if so who he had spoken to as the store manager was on leave that day.
He then got a phone call from the visor to say that yes he had gone in and that he had spoken to the duty manager.
When my son pointed out that this was not the store manager and that now 2 people knew the situation the thug totally disregarded him and kept talking over him.
My son then politely asked if he could be allowed to speak and was told that the visor didn't like his tone and he wasn't doing himself any favours by questioning him.
The implicit threat was that he would make life more difficult.
He was also told that he is an offender and therefore has to be compliant with whatever is said or done.
I am speechless now but this is just so so wrong however if we complain it is going to get worse.
I really can't live like this for the next 5 years.
Hello Seaside
I am at a loss for words as to the response your son has received from VISOR today. I think we can all safely say that this is a person that no one on here would like to be dealing with.
I think your son and you need to speak to UNLOCK and or NACRO for support and strategies that you can use going forward. They maybe able to signpost you to other organisations that maybe able to help, if they are unable to.
I am at a loss for words as to the response your son has received from VISOR today. I think we can all safely say that this is a person that no one on here would like to be dealing with.
I think your son and you need to speak to UNLOCK and or NACRO for support and strategies that you can use going forward. They maybe able to signpost you to other organisations that maybe able to help, if they are unable to.
Allison we are on the phone to Unlock now
I really hope UNLOCK are able to help you and your son.
Aren't visor staff under the Police and therefore should adhere to code of conduct? They have no right to disclose unnecessarily and need to be held accountable. It's one thing to disclose because they see a genuine concern but another to throw their weight around as it could put your son in danger. Once you've spoken to Unlock I would consult a solicitor, they are bang out of order! It's bordering harrassment if you ask me.
We are speaking to unlock and also to our solicitor this thug needs to be held accountable
Hi Seaside
How disgusting I hope Unlock have been able to advise on how you can resolve this
Totally unacceptable behaviour by them
Hugs sent xx
How disgusting I hope Unlock have been able to advise on how you can resolve this
Totally unacceptable behaviour by them
Hugs sent xx
Spoke to Unlock who were very helpful and sympathetic but as they said unfortunately this guy appears to have a god complex and is bringing his own prejudices to his role.
We could complain but that would just make it more likely that he will visit more frequently.
Wrong as it is I think that we will just have to bear this but when he next visits we make it perfectly clear that we are not going to be pushed around or bullied by him and that we are perfectly entitled to ask questions.
My son now doesn't feel comfortable being alone at home because as he says this thug could just come round and say whatever he feels like so we will make sure that either myself or my husband are there as witnesses at all times.
We could complain but that would just make it more likely that he will visit more frequently.
Wrong as it is I think that we will just have to bear this but when he next visits we make it perfectly clear that we are not going to be pushed around or bullied by him and that we are perfectly entitled to ask questions.
My son now doesn't feel comfortable being alone at home because as he says this thug could just come round and say whatever he feels like so we will make sure that either myself or my husband are there as witnesses at all times.
Hi Seaside
This has knocked you all for six again x
Will it always be the same visor?
This has knocked you all for six again x
Will it always be the same visor?
Seaside, just wanted to send you a big hug and say how sorry I am that you're going through this absolute s***. We're all here for you.
Can you discreetly record the thug next time he turns up? Would be useful to have a record of how he's behaving.
Can you discreetly record the thug next time he turns up? Would be useful to have a record of how he's behaving.
Lola we had the phone on speaker phone and I have written down what was said so we have it on record and I will certainly be recording any further conversations with him
Excellent :-)
Sorry to hear that your son's visor manager is being like this. It does seem like there are a few who have a god complex!
If this gives you some hope, my husband is now on his 3rd visor manager in just over 3 years. They don't seem to stay in the role for that long here, might have something to do with the huge number they are managing. Hopefully, that person will move on and your son will be assigned a new manager who is a lot better.
If this gives you some hope, my husband is now on his 3rd visor manager in just over 3 years. They don't seem to stay in the role for that long here, might have something to do with the huge number they are managing. Hopefully, that person will move on and your son will be assigned a new manager who is a lot better.
Thanks mjl that's very interesting.
I'm interested to know what rights I actually have regarding this as his Mother ( he lives with us)can I refuse him entry if he comes round when my son is not at home ?
If I am at home when he comes here then I'm dammed if he's going to address me by my first name it will be Mrs Surname to him he's not my friend and as far as I'm concerned he can stand up the whole time as I don't want my furniture tainted by him
I'm interested to know what rights I actually have regarding this as his Mother ( he lives with us)can I refuse him entry if he comes round when my son is not at home ?
If I am at home when he comes here then I'm dammed if he's going to address me by my first name it will be Mrs Surname to him he's not my friend and as far as I'm concerned he can stand up the whole time as I don't want my furniture tainted by him
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I just wanted to add that any recordings should be fine if you're doing them but Xxx's partner got into big trouble for recording his meetings from what I remember so make sure your son doesn't do it on his phone xx
From what I have read, your son should not prevent them from access. If he does, then they have grounds to get an warrant for access. I'm not sure what would happen if you prevented access, but I suspect that it's likely to end up causing more problems for your son.
Mjl no we won't ever deny them access I realise that they can basically come round whenever they want to but if I'm in the house on my own then I'm assuming that I can refuse because my son isn't there?
I've made the decision today to take the day off work for my mental well-being. And I feel guilty but also not. I am also going to stay off tomorrow as I'm in a place where the slightest thing makes my face leak, am going bald again with patches of hair fall out but have decided to cut a fringe in today to hide it and I reckon, I look disguised (?) as a result? When you tell people to plug their chairs in at the end of a lesson and add more confusion to a lssson, it's a sure sign mg brain needs a rest
I guess my message is, sometimes self care has to take priority and the needs of the world can wait. You only get one you.
hope you're feeling a little better. Excuse the appalling grammar
I guess my message is, sometimes self care has to take priority and the needs of the world can wait. You only get one you.
hope you're feeling a little better. Excuse the appalling grammar
So Tired please make sure you look after yourself.
Sending you lots of love and hugs x
Sending you lots of love and hugs x
We can do this, you know. Crying is cathartic or at least that's what my puffy face tells me haha (wry humour)
thank you for your reply x
thank you for your reply x
Seaside/SoTied - Life is surly pretty grim for you at the moment with many problems but ride those waters of tears / life will get better, not perfect, but better.
Big hug sent to anyone feeling sad today xxxxxxxx
Big hug sent to anyone feeling sad today xxxxxxxx