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Walk in the Sunshine

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Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 2:02pmReport post

Out in the beautiful winter sunshine, taking in the fresh air and looking at nature's new growth around me and blue sky above.

I then begin to feel sad - thinking my son has lost at least four years of his life, locked up. Missing these times, family and friends now gone out his life, not having this freedom, restrictions for years to come - all for some bonkers thrill.

It's crazy and heartbreaking isn't it?

K4

Member since
October 2022

608 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 2:38pmReport post

It's mad and maddening, isn't it.



I almost wish my person had taken up hard drugs or had an affair. Something a bit more socially acceptable. They could have still thrown everything away, but it would have had far fewer wide-reaching impacts.



I still love the winter sunshine and new growth, like you! Let's find the positives where we can!!



x

K4

Member since
October 2022

608 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 2:41pmReport post

I don't wish to be insensitive to those whose people also did the drugs and the affairs. I just mean that it is probably easier to use them as explanations for why they have moved out etc...

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 3:05pmReport post

I felt similar, yesterday I drove home and there was a beautiful sunset - I thought about how much I'm looking forward to sharing one with my partner, but so sad and angry that he was missing it, how stupid he'd been. Its a strange feeling of sadness and anger and then questioning why I am putting myself through this.

KT I don't think you were minimising it. A huge part of the pain of this journey is the silence and not being able to share our pain and grief. I feel like they could have done anything else and I'd have been able to talk about it and perhaps they'd understand why I chose to stay.

Edited Tue February 7, 2023 3:05pm

K4

Member since
October 2022

608 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 4:53pmReport post

Agree entirely but also thank you for your words of support xx

Rachel2022

Member since
August 2022

119 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 5:00pmReport post

Hope you are doing ok. The brighter weather makes the difference. I used to tell my husband i wish he had hit someone with the car which I know is terrible

Rachel2022

Member since
August 2022

119 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 5:09pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Tue February 7, 2023 5:09pm

K4

Member since
October 2022

608 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 6:01pmReport post

Oh Rachel, it's so grim isn't it? I might tell mine the same!!

I just wish there was either greater acceptance of hating the sin rather than the sinner, or understanding of the offence itself.

Lola53

Member since
May 2021

269 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 6:24pmReport post

A friend of my son's died of a drugs overdose soon after my son got the knock - this sounds absolutely terrible but I used to envy his mother. Not because her son was dead, obviously, but because she didn't have a terrible secret and could grieve openly and talk to friends about him. I'm ashamed for thinking that and I couldn't say it outside this forum. We're almost two years in and I don't feel that as strongly now, but I certainly understand what has been said here.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 6:41pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon February 13, 2023 10:29am

WorseThanAnyNightmare

Member since
April 2022

82 posts

Posted Tue February 7, 2023 7:08pmReport post

My person hasn't been sentenced yet, but since the knock everything has been completely different. We have to think before we do anything now, nothing can be done on the spur of the moment. And with sentencing on Friday I've been completely unable to think past that date. I'm refusing to make appointments etc until I know which way things go, because I don't know what my state of mind is going to be like then. My person is talking about plans as normal but I just feel like it's tempting fate.