Hi All.
I would really appreciate any help or advice anyone can offer here.
It's been almost 8 months since the knock. Like almost everyone on this forum, we too were told it should be 3-4 months before forensics come back and we should hear something via the police or our solicitor.
OH arrested due to 2 chats with same "minor". The first conversation - from what I've been told by OH did was not sexual. The second chat is where OH made 1 sexual remark/comment. He didn't ask for or send any photos and never spoke to that person again. He believed it was an adult pretending to be a minor as it was an 18+ site. Never had similar chat/contact with anyone after that one exchange. Everything before and after has been legal/with adults.
They checked all equipment at the house and only took OH phone. After the interview I had a follow-up call from the arresting officer. She said that they arrested him due to 1 chat and if nothing more is found on his phone or comes back from various chat sites he was on then they would probably not take this any further. During the last 8 months my OH has contacted the duty solicitors who represented him on the day of arrest twice for updates. Every time they said they would chase a response only to be told they are still looking.
Yesterday OH contacted the arresting officer directly to find out about any travel restrictions (he is RUI) and an updates. He has been told the case is now with CPS and they are awaiting their decision.
Neither us or the solicitor has been told what has been found or what has been put forward to the CPS? Is this normal procedure? Would our solicitor not have been updated on what came back from forensics?
I just feel sick all over again and can't relax because we don't know what's happened or what awaits us.
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. X
I would really appreciate any help or advice anyone can offer here.
It's been almost 8 months since the knock. Like almost everyone on this forum, we too were told it should be 3-4 months before forensics come back and we should hear something via the police or our solicitor.
OH arrested due to 2 chats with same "minor". The first conversation - from what I've been told by OH did was not sexual. The second chat is where OH made 1 sexual remark/comment. He didn't ask for or send any photos and never spoke to that person again. He believed it was an adult pretending to be a minor as it was an 18+ site. Never had similar chat/contact with anyone after that one exchange. Everything before and after has been legal/with adults.
They checked all equipment at the house and only took OH phone. After the interview I had a follow-up call from the arresting officer. She said that they arrested him due to 1 chat and if nothing more is found on his phone or comes back from various chat sites he was on then they would probably not take this any further. During the last 8 months my OH has contacted the duty solicitors who represented him on the day of arrest twice for updates. Every time they said they would chase a response only to be told they are still looking.
Yesterday OH contacted the arresting officer directly to find out about any travel restrictions (he is RUI) and an updates. He has been told the case is now with CPS and they are awaiting their decision.
Neither us or the solicitor has been told what has been found or what has been put forward to the CPS? Is this normal procedure? Would our solicitor not have been updated on what came back from forensics?
I just feel sick all over again and can't relax because we don't know what's happened or what awaits us.
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. X
Hi,
Did your OH admit everything in first interview? If he did then they most likely wouldn't let his solicitor know that it's gone to cps. I believe they only do this when they have more to add and would have called your OH in for a second interview. Sorry I can't give any advice other than to wait for cps to make a decision on whether there is enough to bring charges. Hopefully there isn't xxx
Did your OH admit everything in first interview? If he did then they most likely wouldn't let his solicitor know that it's gone to cps. I believe they only do this when they have more to add and would have called your OH in for a second interview. Sorry I can't give any advice other than to wait for cps to make a decision on whether there is enough to bring charges. Hopefully there isn't xxx
Hi RIG22
My son was called for second interview 7 months after the initial arrest, he was then told it would go to CPS and we'd hear in three months. It was another 13 months before we heard anything and that was a court date arriving through the post - this had the charges on it. Our solicitor received full details of the charges two days before the court date, he said that's normal.
Hope you're doing OK x
My son was called for second interview 7 months after the initial arrest, he was then told it would go to CPS and we'd hear in three months. It was another 13 months before we heard anything and that was a court date arriving through the post - this had the charges on it. Our solicitor received full details of the charges two days before the court date, he said that's normal.
Hope you're doing OK x
Distressed and pregnant; thank you. After the arrest he was assessed by a nurse because they were worried about his state of mind. He wasn't able to speak. When the duty solicitor arrived he advised to go "no comment" for everything. OH wanted to answer but was told not. He was read the transcript of the conversation. I think the police had a screenshot only as it was on kik.
Since then we have heard nothing so have no idea what if anything else has been found.
I do hope there's nothing more. X
Since then we have heard nothing so have no idea what if anything else has been found.
I do hope there's nothing more. X
Lola53; thank you. You had a very long wait. I'm so sorry.
Some days I want it to go on longer so it gives us time to sell/move/save in case there's no jobs due to charges and so we can work out how we tell family and friends. Other days I want it to end now no matter what the outcome. The thought of being forced to get out of this situation and start afresh seems like a dream. Breaking free from my OH and this horrible life makes me feel like I'll be able to breathe again the fear of the unknown stops me. We have been together for so long that I don't know how I'll live without this man who has caused so much pain for his own pleasure.
X
Some days I want it to go on longer so it gives us time to sell/move/save in case there's no jobs due to charges and so we can work out how we tell family and friends. Other days I want it to end now no matter what the outcome. The thought of being forced to get out of this situation and start afresh seems like a dream. Breaking free from my OH and this horrible life makes me feel like I'll be able to breathe again the fear of the unknown stops me. We have been together for so long that I don't know how I'll live without this man who has caused so much pain for his own pleasure.
X
RIG22, the only good thing about the long wait is you have time to get your head together. The months after the knock were unbearable and our family almost fell apart; there was a period of time where I didn't have anything to do with my son other than the necessary conversations of daily life. I contemplated cutting him out of my life completely (and I will if he ever does this again). Now, we're in a much better place, have a good relationship and I've been able to support him through the recent court visit and have sorted myself out too; I'm a strong person but I was suicidal at one point. I'm certainly not saying that you'll end up wanting to stay with your OH if this drags on, but it may give you clarity and, if you decide to leave, you'll have had time to make sure it's the right decision and not something that you rushed into.
You'll find the strength to do what's right for you xx
You'll find the strength to do what's right for you xx
Lola53; thank you. You are so right. The first few days and weeks were a complete daze. I can't even describe what I was thinking or feeling. It was just too much and yes at times I wished I wasn't around to experience the hurt and pain I was going through. I not going to pretend I was bothered about how my OH was going through. I wished I'd never met him or given him so many years of my life.
I still feel that hurt and pain but the anger is intermittent. It's not constant like it was then. That's something time has changed. I'm really pleased you have reached a good place with your son. For you it must have been even harder. You can leave a partner but watching your child's life spiral would have been unbearable and walking away would be impossible.
Sending hugs and strength x
I still feel that hurt and pain but the anger is intermittent. It's not constant like it was then. That's something time has changed. I'm really pleased you have reached a good place with your son. For you it must have been even harder. You can leave a partner but watching your child's life spiral would have been unbearable and walking away would be impossible.
Sending hugs and strength x
RIG22, thank you, you're right, it's almost impossible to walk away from your child and to watch his life implode was hideous - he has always been high-achieving and popular and successful so the shock was horrendous. I've been completely honest with him in that, if this ever happens again, he's on his own; however agonising it would be to walk away, I wouldn't put myself through this again.
I'd hate to say that any situation is worse than another because it's all a total s*** show! And whether it's your son or partner, to find this out about someone that you love and trust and have invested years of your life with is beyond painful. I guess that, when it's your partner, it's even more confusing because you have more choice about whether to stay and also because sex is involved.
Thank goodness for this forum! x
I'd hate to say that any situation is worse than another because it's all a total s*** show! And whether it's your son or partner, to find this out about someone that you love and trust and have invested years of your life with is beyond painful. I guess that, when it's your partner, it's even more confusing because you have more choice about whether to stay and also because sex is involved.
Thank goodness for this forum! x
Lola53 you're so right In everything you say. Thank you x