Such mixed emotions
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So we are only 4 weeks in from the 6 a.m knock , my husband was arrested for possesion and distibution of an indecent video . Having to wake my girls and explain that the police needed to check their phones and that their dad had been arrested . Honestly the worst moment of my life.
When the social worker made contact he explained there was more but not of interest to police as not a crime , however as a mother with children in the house and 2 small grandhildren i should know.
He was on a sexual fantasy chat forum...where he would sometimes be a teen girl and have sex with an aunty type figure and then be a teen boy and have sex with an aunty type figure - this has just broken me , i cannot get my head around it. When i confronted him , he said he didnt want to tell me as he wanted to protect me !!
He is saying he cant remember receiving said video or sending it on... ?!
I am so so torn , we have been together for 21 years and i feel i dont know him at all... trust has gone !
He can only have supervised visits with our children / grandchildren ( however my daugjter in law as of yet hasn't let him see them )
I truly believe he poses no threat to them or our children , however i know social worker when she does 1st visit next week wont want to hear that.
He isnt allowed to be in house overnight either ( not bail conditions but SW)
I am just broken. Xx
When the social worker made contact he explained there was more but not of interest to police as not a crime , however as a mother with children in the house and 2 small grandhildren i should know.
He was on a sexual fantasy chat forum...where he would sometimes be a teen girl and have sex with an aunty type figure and then be a teen boy and have sex with an aunty type figure - this has just broken me , i cannot get my head around it. When i confronted him , he said he didnt want to tell me as he wanted to protect me !!
He is saying he cant remember receiving said video or sending it on... ?!
I am so so torn , we have been together for 21 years and i feel i dont know him at all... trust has gone !
He can only have supervised visits with our children / grandchildren ( however my daugjter in law as of yet hasn't let him see them )
I truly believe he poses no threat to them or our children , however i know social worker when she does 1st visit next week wont want to hear that.
He isnt allowed to be in house overnight either ( not bail conditions but SW)
I am just broken. Xx
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It's so hard to get your head around when someone you've known for that long does something you never imagined in a million years. I'd been with my husband for a similar amount of time when he was arrested for sexual communication with minors. I'd never imagined him going on an adult chat site, let alone the rest.
The first few weeks can be all-consuming. Make sure you take time for yourself. Take each day as it comes, and try not to worry too much about what is coming. If you've had a read of the forum, you'll know it can take a long time, and every case has a different outcome.
The first few weeks can be all-consuming. Make sure you take time for yourself. Take each day as it comes, and try not to worry too much about what is coming. If you've had a read of the forum, you'll know it can take a long time, and every case has a different outcome.
Losing the trust is the worst part. We had been together for 18 years when we had the knock.
Sorry you're going through this, my emotional state was much the same 4 weeks in. As was my opinion of my husband (horrified but don't think he's a danger to children)
things do level out eventually (I started antidepressants and did a lot of Pilates on YouTube).
I hope you've someone to reach out to, or at least are able to call the helpline.
xx
Sorry you're going through this, my emotional state was much the same 4 weeks in. As was my opinion of my husband (horrified but don't think he's a danger to children)
things do level out eventually (I started antidepressants and did a lot of Pilates on YouTube).
I hope you've someone to reach out to, or at least are able to call the helpline.
xx
When you find out about this secret life of a loved one it is totally devastating to say the least.
When my sons crime came to light, I couldn't believe it - I loved him - supported him - trusted him - bought him up, how could he do this to us. He had such a good loving family, now smashed to bits.
We all existed in what seemed like a dark fog - all fumbling around scared and arms outstretched in this fog as we tried to find answers/move forward. I've never felt so unhappy in my life.
It's a nasty place to be and anyone feeling this way at the moment I want to send my support and give you one big massive hug x
When my sons crime came to light, I couldn't believe it - I loved him - supported him - trusted him - bought him up, how could he do this to us. He had such a good loving family, now smashed to bits.
We all existed in what seemed like a dark fog - all fumbling around scared and arms outstretched in this fog as we tried to find answers/move forward. I've never felt so unhappy in my life.
It's a nasty place to be and anyone feeling this way at the moment I want to send my support and give you one big massive hug x
Thank you for all your kind comments , i just find the range of emotions so hard to deal with. My husband when i try and talk says he has no answers and when he does he will tell me , he can't remember or doesn't want to remember ???
I have my assessment call with a counsellor today and then hopefully weekly sessions after that face to face.
This is such a lonely place to be , my family are very close and my parents ( especially my mum ) are devastated , she doesn't want to see my husband at present.
His family have not spoken to myself or our children since this happened , however they do not know the whole story yet ( only the arrest part ) to be honest they are never supportive of us and it is no great loss really , but to ignore my children is unforgiveable.x
I have my assessment call with a counsellor today and then hopefully weekly sessions after that face to face.
This is such a lonely place to be , my family are very close and my parents ( especially my mum ) are devastated , she doesn't want to see my husband at present.
His family have not spoken to myself or our children since this happened , however they do not know the whole story yet ( only the arrest part ) to be honest they are never supportive of us and it is no great loss really , but to ignore my children is unforgiveable.x
Afternoon Mamoosh1973
Sorry you have found yourself here and it is still so early in to this journey so your emotions are normal x
This crime is horrendous and there are so many reasons why our loved ones end up here
Not ever could I imagine to be on this journey and the ripple effect it causes to everyone
Done make any rash decisions as yet and be kind to yourself xx
Sorry you have found yourself here and it is still so early in to this journey so your emotions are normal x
This crime is horrendous and there are so many reasons why our loved ones end up here
Not ever could I imagine to be on this journey and the ripple effect it causes to everyone
Done make any rash decisions as yet and be kind to yourself xx
Hi.
I'm sorry you are in this position.
After reading your post, we have several things in common. I had the early morning knock. I have also been with my husband over 20 year. The worst moment of my life was explaining this to my 20 year old daughter. My husband says he doesn't remember sending certain messages.
I'm now 14 months in and still waiting on police to see what exactly is on his phone.
How they can "forget" these things is beyond my belief. I feel like I have been living with a stranger all these years. I always thought he was a bad liar, I couldn't have been more wrong. He has made my life of the last 20 odd years worthless (not involving my children, but for myslef). All those years of working towards the perfect family, home retirement, all gone. My life before now was a waste, my life now is upside down amd spun around and my life moving on is impossible. I can't be with him anymore so its all gone. I hope it gives you some comfort that I feel like you do.
The only way I know how to explain to you how to cope really is, take it an hour at a time. A day at a time was too much for me at the stage you are at so, just an hour at the time. You are not alone. There are so many of us feeling what you are right now. It's a weird sort of solidarity but it might give you some comfort.
You really do have to put yourself and your feelings about your children and grandchildren 1st. Don't make any rash decisions or tell to many people what's going on. Saying that, it is very good to have someone to talk to and cry at
Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry you are in this position.
After reading your post, we have several things in common. I had the early morning knock. I have also been with my husband over 20 year. The worst moment of my life was explaining this to my 20 year old daughter. My husband says he doesn't remember sending certain messages.
I'm now 14 months in and still waiting on police to see what exactly is on his phone.
How they can "forget" these things is beyond my belief. I feel like I have been living with a stranger all these years. I always thought he was a bad liar, I couldn't have been more wrong. He has made my life of the last 20 odd years worthless (not involving my children, but for myslef). All those years of working towards the perfect family, home retirement, all gone. My life before now was a waste, my life now is upside down amd spun around and my life moving on is impossible. I can't be with him anymore so its all gone. I hope it gives you some comfort that I feel like you do.
The only way I know how to explain to you how to cope really is, take it an hour at a time. A day at a time was too much for me at the stage you are at so, just an hour at the time. You are not alone. There are so many of us feeling what you are right now. It's a weird sort of solidarity but it might give you some comfort.
You really do have to put yourself and your feelings about your children and grandchildren 1st. Don't make any rash decisions or tell to many people what's going on. Saying that, it is very good to have someone to talk to and cry at
Take care of yourself.