New user and so scared
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Hi everyone,
I've been following posts on here for a long time taking in everybody's advice and good words. It's helped me through this process a lot and can't thankyou all enough for the support.
So my oh was arrested 15 months ago and like anybody in this situation, it was complete shock! We were due to get married September 2022! I had an initial few weeks to figure out what my head and heart was telling me and what the best thing for me to do going forward. It was so hard talking to my oh about everything. Previous to his arrest he tried committing suicide and I had no clue as to why. We were happy! Un benown to me, he was disgusted and ashamed of the secret he was holding on to. No where to turn, no idea where to go or what to do. I understand now how much of a burden he was carrying and how scared he was to say anything. How can anybody disclose that to someone they love?
After a lot of research, discussions with him, he's also done the modules from this site which have helped enormously in going back in time to help him understand why he may have gone down that route. iioc. I've decided to stick by him. I've always been the sort of person to see all sides of a person and if I can help, I will. In the process of discussing all of this with my family, they have wanted nothing to do with me in the last 15 months. I've lost all my 'friends' aswell. It's been a very very lonely place. My daughter who is 19,has been the only person there for me. My oh lives in a different town about 15 minutes drive from me, so splitting myself in 2 has been exhausting. We both had to leave the place of work where we had been for years. I tried to continue working there but the treatment I reviewed from colleagues and customers knowing I had stayed with him was awful and unbearable. We both found different jobs up until recently where I was made redundant, and he was told by probation he couldn't do that job (delivering amazon parcels which I don't see as being a problem). His court date is on Tuesday, valentines day, which I'm dreading. Barrister has said they will be pushing for suspended sentence but I honestly have no idea which way its going to go. I'm going to be lost without him. I guess I just needed to vent and get my story out as not many people know apart from the people who deserted me.
I've been following posts on here for a long time taking in everybody's advice and good words. It's helped me through this process a lot and can't thankyou all enough for the support.
So my oh was arrested 15 months ago and like anybody in this situation, it was complete shock! We were due to get married September 2022! I had an initial few weeks to figure out what my head and heart was telling me and what the best thing for me to do going forward. It was so hard talking to my oh about everything. Previous to his arrest he tried committing suicide and I had no clue as to why. We were happy! Un benown to me, he was disgusted and ashamed of the secret he was holding on to. No where to turn, no idea where to go or what to do. I understand now how much of a burden he was carrying and how scared he was to say anything. How can anybody disclose that to someone they love?
After a lot of research, discussions with him, he's also done the modules from this site which have helped enormously in going back in time to help him understand why he may have gone down that route. iioc. I've decided to stick by him. I've always been the sort of person to see all sides of a person and if I can help, I will. In the process of discussing all of this with my family, they have wanted nothing to do with me in the last 15 months. I've lost all my 'friends' aswell. It's been a very very lonely place. My daughter who is 19,has been the only person there for me. My oh lives in a different town about 15 minutes drive from me, so splitting myself in 2 has been exhausting. We both had to leave the place of work where we had been for years. I tried to continue working there but the treatment I reviewed from colleagues and customers knowing I had stayed with him was awful and unbearable. We both found different jobs up until recently where I was made redundant, and he was told by probation he couldn't do that job (delivering amazon parcels which I don't see as being a problem). His court date is on Tuesday, valentines day, which I'm dreading. Barrister has said they will be pushing for suspended sentence but I honestly have no idea which way its going to go. I'm going to be lost without him. I guess I just needed to vent and get my story out as not many people know apart from the people who deserted me.
Hey Confusedandsad,
I'm so sorry you've had to join us here and to hear that the people around you have not been supportive. As you will know from your reading on here, it's not as straightforward as people think. Perhaps people will come around in time but if not, there's plenty more friends to be made and opportunities out there. Good luck for sentencing xx
I'm so sorry you've had to join us here and to hear that the people around you have not been supportive. As you will know from your reading on here, it's not as straightforward as people think. Perhaps people will come around in time but if not, there's plenty more friends to be made and opportunities out there. Good luck for sentencing xx
Thankyou so much really appreciate that. I have no doubt i will make new friends. But it is absolutely true about people not understanding fully the reasons and complexity of things like this. I even asked family to read about or look into it more and they refused. Very much black and white thinking. I'm kind of getting by with thoughts of always knowing I was the black sheep anyway, and that when I close my door at night, the one person that is there for me through tears, worries, fears, is my oh. His parents have been wonderful, and of the older generation so don't quite get the full extent of it. But they've been there for both of us through all this which I'm forever grateful for.
You will learn to respect other people's opinions (it's not easy I agree) and painful when they push you away - you are innocent.
Time will soften the blow and hopefully people will come back to you and realise it's not your fault. If not, as the ladies say there's new people you will meet, on this forum you have a whole lot of new friends - it's a start xxxxxx
Time will soften the blow and hopefully people will come back to you and realise it's not your fault. If not, as the ladies say there's new people you will meet, on this forum you have a whole lot of new friends - it's a start xxxxxx
Confusedandsad1107
So sorry you are going through this journey its full of so many emotions so be kind to yourself x
Your daughter is there for you and that is so important, unfortunately we have no say in this journey and if people choose to not understand or be there to support you we have to respect there decisions but maybe in time they will change and come back in to your life
My son has lost every one of his friends and that is the saddest part as others have said because of the crime they dont see the person they knew and loved before they this
But my son is doing ok and he has me and his beautiful sister and older brother we are right there every step of the way xx
No one can tell you what to do they are not walking in your shoes
It is a lonely place to be but you will have nothing but support and understanding from each one of us xx
So sorry you are going through this journey its full of so many emotions so be kind to yourself x
Your daughter is there for you and that is so important, unfortunately we have no say in this journey and if people choose to not understand or be there to support you we have to respect there decisions but maybe in time they will change and come back in to your life
My son has lost every one of his friends and that is the saddest part as others have said because of the crime they dont see the person they knew and loved before they this
But my son is doing ok and he has me and his beautiful sister and older brother we are right there every step of the way xx
No one can tell you what to do they are not walking in your shoes
It is a lonely place to be but you will have nothing but support and understanding from each one of us xx
Thankyou so much for you replies.
I've learnt to be very strong reliant person through all of this. I respect everyone's decisions and opinions, but I don't feel like the same has been done for me. Like you said, I'm innocent in all this and it feels like I've done wrong in choosing what I know is right for me. It's been an emotional couple of days waiting for court on Tuesday. I suppose I'm preparing for the worst and just trying to spend as much time together as we can before then. Not knowing what's going to happen is killing me. X
I've learnt to be very strong reliant person through all of this. I respect everyone's decisions and opinions, but I don't feel like the same has been done for me. Like you said, I'm innocent in all this and it feels like I've done wrong in choosing what I know is right for me. It's been an emotional couple of days waiting for court on Tuesday. I suppose I'm preparing for the worst and just trying to spend as much time together as we can before then. Not knowing what's going to happen is killing me. X