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Need to stay off google

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Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 1:34pmReport post

Just need to write down how I'm feeling today really... I have made the mistake of going on Google and trying to find people in a similar position to me, hoping that the fact my son was 16 at time of his offence will be somewhat a positive thing. I was wrong, I feel even worse and just feel like this has completely ruined all of our lives. I really don't see a happy future for us ever.. I know I've said it a million times but it's the thought of him being in the local news that is going to ruin us. Xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 2:15pmReport post

Afternoon Kt

It is easier said than done, this is something we have no control over I was hoping my sons case would not have been reported after sentancing I think it was 2 days later , we didn't want to know if it was reported as we had come off social media before then someone from work (who was aware of what was going on) asked how I was on this particular day I was I'm ok he then said your son is in the media, omg I felt sick with worry etc so yep I googled him, it was horrendous how they reported him, the police posted on their FB and it was shared, the comments were horrific it was widely reported beyond belief, I was in court I know what he did but they worded it and made it even more horrendous, I wanted to run home and hide BUT I didn't, and I realized then I have nothing to hide, yes my son is an offender but he is my son and a good person this does not define who he is,

I have not looked since then and I won't let it tear me apart, we have had no repercussions, a few messages of support,

The one thing I hate the most is it is out there forever and he does not deserve this

Sending hugs xx

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 2:33pmReport post

Hi upset..thank you for sharing with me. I'm so sorry your sons case was reported. I am not on social media myself and don't think I would have it in me to Google my son if it does go in media. I think that would kill me off. Like you said the worst thing is, it's out there forever.

We do have great support from family and a good few close friends. But if it does go in media we have decided we will definitely move out of the area. I tend to think the worst generally anyway so surely the outcome can't be as bad as what I'm expecting xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 2:38pmReport post

Hi KT

We will move once my son is released from prison, just so he can try to rebuild a life

I'm glad you have support that is so important,

How is your son? xx

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 2:42pmReport post

He has suicidal days, he is a very young 18 year old and just doesn't know how to cope with this. He is convinced he is going to prison. He calls the lff helpline once a week and is going to start the young person's inform course soon.

How is your son coping? Xx

Seaside

Member since
July 2022

558 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 2:55pmReport post

Kt please make it absolutely clear to your solicitor the impact this would have on the mental health of your son .

We did this and my son wasn't asked to state his address at any stage of the plea hearing or at sentencing so nothing has appeared in the media -we are now 3 weeks from sentencing.

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 3:05pmReport post

Hi Kt

Bless him all we want to do is protect our sons

My son was 26 at the first knock and he was the same suicidal that was an horrendous time, every day I was living on my nerves was today going to be the day he would end his life, then we had a second knock as they had more evidence and he was held on remand in a main prison but on a VP wing, he started to self harm, sentancing was delayed several times and it was awful, but now he is in a SO prison no more self harming, he has a job, a routine and is safe, he gets on with everyone and the officers, he is now supporting new prisoners, and has just started a degree, yep is still awful to think he is in prison but he is here we have adjusted to a new normal, please tell your son there are people who understand, who are here to offer support and understanding but most importantly this does not define who he is, he will get through this, he has you by his side he just has to understand he can rebuild no matter how hard this journey is and he deserves to move forward, and he will, xx

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 3:13pmReport post

Hi Kt,

I think we've all done the dreaded Google searches - I know I did a fair few and can sympathise with your feelings of dread. Another way to look at it is how many cases are seen and heard every day and not even a fraction of them make it in the media. There were no reporters at my OH's trial at all which you would think there would be as it was a trial! I recall a few on here who haven't been reported on, it is all pot luck unfortunately but hopefully it will stay out of the media.

There are around 800+ arrests for things like this every month, we don't get 800+ new members so there's so many stories we don't get to hear and there certainly aren't 800+ reports across all media every month. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you xx

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 3:26pmReport post

Seaside, upset and Baffled...I knew there was a reason to post on here how I'm feeling today. You have instantly made me feel better. Thank you so so much. I always take in every word you ladies say and will for sure take all advice xxx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 3:45pmReport post

KT

We are here for you and your son always x

Never struggle on your own, love, support and understanding is what we need at this time

Sending hugs to you all xx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2538 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 7:22pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon February 13, 2023 10:37am

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2385 posts

Posted Sat February 11, 2023 7:41pmReport post

Smile x

I know exactly how you must have felt

The photo they used of my son was heartbreaking, the first thing I saw was how much he had been crying that broke me xx

SoTired

Member since
March 2021

387 posts

Posted Sun February 12, 2023 10:05pmReport post

Hi KT,

Havent been on since my last post as I had a wobble, and a couple of days of work. I understand that sick feeling of dread and feeling that there's no hope and no future. All I can say is, I get it. I had to accept that our futures would never be the same again, that I would never think the same again or be the same person or mum I was again. It's like a loss. A grieving process in a sense but you really can do it x

As a side note, our son's are both young 18 year olds. My son has no friends now. I sort of wish they could have each other. He can't make friends because of the restrictions on him, and promised disclosure from the police if he came into contact with anyone under 18 despite there being no contact restrictions in his shpo. We all know at that age, they could quite possibly be 17 year olds within friendship groups so he just doesn't have any. He's also undergoing asd assessment now. Just wish he had someone x

We are also in court Friday - so get the terror x

Edited Sun February 12, 2023 10:06pm

Kt

Member since
January 2023

180 posts

Posted Mon February 13, 2023 10:48amReport post

So tired, I'm so sorry your son now has no friends, it's just so sad and wrong that our young boys are taken to court and potentially spread in the media for something they did as a minor, how can that be right, it makes me so angry.

At the moment I don't see a good future but surely this can't define our lives forever. Do you have support from friends and family? Xxx