Extremely depressed, over loaded with stress, dark thoughts
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I have no one to talk to so I'm having to express this here.
I've spoken with a counsellor a couple of years ago but I don't find this counselling ever does anything. I find speaking with a counsellor is the same as ringing a friend and having a whinge.
In the years since I left my ex husband my life has been one traumatic event after another. He manipulated me through the kids, he met a woman who was abusive to my kids, I met a partner who used to bully me if the kids didn't want to go to their dads so we didn't get "our weekend" together. His teenage son came to live with us and he was a nightmare and began to bully my kids which was very stressful. By 2018 I was very depressed.
In 2020 ex was arrested for online offences. Kids fell apart. I had to counsel broken hearted kids. Had no support from SS or anyone. Ex found guilty and sentenced to 2 yrs in prison. My current husband and my father took my exes conviction very badly were very angry and I had to listen to them ranting at me about how they hate my ex daily whilst I'm trying to counsel grieving children who "lost" a father they knew and were reeling that he'd done these things. My father and husband make it very clear in front of my children how much they hate him. My son has even expressed that he feels he's "not allowed" to love his dad.
I'm onnthe verge of tears at any given moment. I function to work in a very stressful job with a lot of responsibility. Every day I'm on the verge of breaking down. I have very dark thoughts every night. Any extra stress (for example there's been an issue with my sons college course) and I lose it completely and become so stressed and anxious I can barely cope.
No one listens to me. No one is interested in how I feel. No one cares about me or helps take any stress.
The only thing that stops me from killing myself is the fact that my children would go into care as they would have no guardian if I was gone
I've spoken with a counsellor a couple of years ago but I don't find this counselling ever does anything. I find speaking with a counsellor is the same as ringing a friend and having a whinge.
In the years since I left my ex husband my life has been one traumatic event after another. He manipulated me through the kids, he met a woman who was abusive to my kids, I met a partner who used to bully me if the kids didn't want to go to their dads so we didn't get "our weekend" together. His teenage son came to live with us and he was a nightmare and began to bully my kids which was very stressful. By 2018 I was very depressed.
In 2020 ex was arrested for online offences. Kids fell apart. I had to counsel broken hearted kids. Had no support from SS or anyone. Ex found guilty and sentenced to 2 yrs in prison. My current husband and my father took my exes conviction very badly were very angry and I had to listen to them ranting at me about how they hate my ex daily whilst I'm trying to counsel grieving children who "lost" a father they knew and were reeling that he'd done these things. My father and husband make it very clear in front of my children how much they hate him. My son has even expressed that he feels he's "not allowed" to love his dad.
I'm onnthe verge of tears at any given moment. I function to work in a very stressful job with a lot of responsibility. Every day I'm on the verge of breaking down. I have very dark thoughts every night. Any extra stress (for example there's been an issue with my sons college course) and I lose it completely and become so stressed and anxious I can barely cope.
No one listens to me. No one is interested in how I feel. No one cares about me or helps take any stress.
The only thing that stops me from killing myself is the fact that my children would go into care as they would have no guardian if I was gone
Hi,
I had hypnotherapy and rather than having to discuss everything in detail I was able to release some of the emotions and stresses through that instead. It is called content free hypnosis and I found it incredibly helpful.
How are your children doing now? Perhaps their school may be able to offer some support for them to take a bit of pressure off you. There are charities that work with children whose parents are serving custodials, the main one I've seen on here is children seen and heard.
I'm currently trying to prioritise things differently in order to fit in self care, for me, that isn't things like spa days etc at the moment but actually taking some time to be alone with my thoughts. Perhaps factoring in something that helps to restore your energy and peace could be helpful for you too. Lots of love xxx
I had hypnotherapy and rather than having to discuss everything in detail I was able to release some of the emotions and stresses through that instead. It is called content free hypnosis and I found it incredibly helpful.
How are your children doing now? Perhaps their school may be able to offer some support for them to take a bit of pressure off you. There are charities that work with children whose parents are serving custodials, the main one I've seen on here is children seen and heard.
I'm currently trying to prioritise things differently in order to fit in self care, for me, that isn't things like spa days etc at the moment but actually taking some time to be alone with my thoughts. Perhaps factoring in something that helps to restore your energy and peace could be helpful for you too. Lots of love xxx
Sorry you're so stressed, you must be exhausted. Please reach out to your GP, they can definitely help.
I don't know if this is any help, but a friend of mine's ex did something MUCH WORSE, was imprisoned for a LONG TIME. When he got out, he developed a terminal disease, the children (by then in their late teens) went to be with him when he died. He would always be their dad.
I'm sorry your children are being so impacted by this.
Take care, maybe join a LFF course to help you process this?
xxx
I don't know if this is any help, but a friend of mine's ex did something MUCH WORSE, was imprisoned for a LONG TIME. When he got out, he developed a terminal disease, the children (by then in their late teens) went to be with him when he died. He would always be their dad.
I'm sorry your children are being so impacted by this.
Take care, maybe join a LFF course to help you process this?
xxx
I am so sorry to hear this.
I can understand how you feel, I have in the past had similar feelings and my children kept me from acting on those feelings.
Go and speak to your GP, I found medication really helped me.
Also there are lots of different types of therapy options you can explore.
Mainly you need to know that you are not alone. This community is always here for you.
Please make a note of the samaritans telephone number and call them if your intrusive thoughts become too much x
I can understand how you feel, I have in the past had similar feelings and my children kept me from acting on those feelings.
Go and speak to your GP, I found medication really helped me.
Also there are lots of different types of therapy options you can explore.
Mainly you need to know that you are not alone. This community is always here for you.
Please make a note of the samaritans telephone number and call them if your intrusive thoughts become too much x
I mirror everything already said. I have found medication has helped quieten my intrusive thoughts, reaching out to your GP is nothing to fear and has helped me greatly in this horrendous journey. Always know there is someone to speak to if those thoughts become overwhelming. x
Also often it isn't the counselling that is the issue but the counsellor or type of counselling that we are being offered x
Also often it isn't the counselling that is the issue but the counsellor or type of counselling that we are being offered x