Looking for some hope
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TW- I’m going to speak about backlash of newspaper article and I would hate to add extra worry to anyone that is maybe waiting on their court day so please keep that in mind before reading this.
It’s taken me quite a lot of courage to finally reach out on this forum. I’ll give a briefing of my situation however, I’m wary of the details I give for safety reasons so if obvious things are missed out please just assume it’s because of this.
I am a partner of someone who commited online sex offences during the covid-19 lockdowns. We met after they had been charged. Neither of us were looking for a relationship however, we fell hard and my partner disclosed the charges around 3 months into dating when they realised we felt very seriously about one another. I decided I wanted to stay with them (I’m sick of explaining my reasons why so won’t today which I’m sure so many others have felt in this forum).
The day of the initial court day came and a horrific news article was written. The neighbours found out and it was hard to leave the home. We left rarely but when we would we’d get shouted and barked at (I mean actually imitating dog barking) from windows. We had police stopping by every week not uniformed just to check in on my partners mental health. We kept being reassured that it would all blow over and to bide our time. So I put my trust in them and just tried to reassure myself of their words.
The date of the sentencing came and it went as social work suggested which was supervision and placed on SOR until supervision ends. It generally went very well and the police, social work were all pleased with the outcome. The local paper updated their article of the outcome - there wasn’t much to be added. The day following one of the neighbours began screaming at the windows. I had to leave my property to go to work and when I did they tried to confront me and began threatening me. I don’t think I can describe how terrifying that experience was as I am an incredibly non confrontational person. We were encouraged to report the neighbour and they were charged. As days went by things kept getting worse. The neighbours put posters in their windows singling out my property and we had shouting and eggs being thrown. Police weren’t able to do much and we kept being told it would die down.
A week later, I left the property to get some food and I could see the posters were down. It all felt very strange but I tried to be positive that maybe the police had made them take them down. A neighbour stood at a door staring at me as I left which again seemed strange. A few hours later my partner phoned me to tell me there was a mob outside (200+ people) and had to be ushered out by police with my dog. The riot was filmed live on social media. People brought their children to the riot and bricks and bottles were being lodged at my dog. Thankfully my partner and dog were unharmed however, the experience was incredibly traumatic.
Since this, we have been living in a safe place. All the family on both sides know of what’s happened and have been incredibly supportive. None of us condone my partners actions however, context is important which family are able to put into perspective. My partner is working really hard both personally and with social work/police. Their social worker is such a gem and I do truly believe wants the best from my partner.
I have had to put my property on the market as even if I had chosen to break up with my partner there’s no way I could ever return to the property never mind put my poor dog through returning there.
It’s been really hard. Many people won’t understand but I’m hoping those in this forum do. What happened with my partner was terrible and I’ve obviously had to do a lot of thinking about our future but generally, I feel I’ve been able to come to terms with it. What I did not expect was the horrific backlash from that paper article. Whether that’s my own nativity or having been constantly reassured by police that nothing too bad would happen. My home was an incredibly safe place for me and within the space of a week it was pulled from under my feet.
Selling my property has ruined my mental health and I’ve had to take time off work which is a very big deal for me. I have been working with a counsellor since this kicked off who has been great. I have complex feelings at the moment and I hate to say but I feel resentful of loosing my home. Not solely towards my partner but many people. I feel like I’m having to go through a whole grieving process.
I try my best to look forward and social work have always tried to be very reassuring that many offenders and their families live fulfilling and happy life’s - that people are able to move on. I really want to believe that but I suppose right now because of the terrible backlash we had it’s hard to comprehend a life without having to look over your shoulder. I suppose the reason for this post is I’m probably looking for a bit of hope or even just someone that can empathise.
It’s taken me quite a lot of courage to finally reach out on this forum. I’ll give a briefing of my situation however, I’m wary of the details I give for safety reasons so if obvious things are missed out please just assume it’s because of this.
I am a partner of someone who commited online sex offences during the covid-19 lockdowns. We met after they had been charged. Neither of us were looking for a relationship however, we fell hard and my partner disclosed the charges around 3 months into dating when they realised we felt very seriously about one another. I decided I wanted to stay with them (I’m sick of explaining my reasons why so won’t today which I’m sure so many others have felt in this forum).
The day of the initial court day came and a horrific news article was written. The neighbours found out and it was hard to leave the home. We left rarely but when we would we’d get shouted and barked at (I mean actually imitating dog barking) from windows. We had police stopping by every week not uniformed just to check in on my partners mental health. We kept being reassured that it would all blow over and to bide our time. So I put my trust in them and just tried to reassure myself of their words.
The date of the sentencing came and it went as social work suggested which was supervision and placed on SOR until supervision ends. It generally went very well and the police, social work were all pleased with the outcome. The local paper updated their article of the outcome - there wasn’t much to be added. The day following one of the neighbours began screaming at the windows. I had to leave my property to go to work and when I did they tried to confront me and began threatening me. I don’t think I can describe how terrifying that experience was as I am an incredibly non confrontational person. We were encouraged to report the neighbour and they were charged. As days went by things kept getting worse. The neighbours put posters in their windows singling out my property and we had shouting and eggs being thrown. Police weren’t able to do much and we kept being told it would die down.
A week later, I left the property to get some food and I could see the posters were down. It all felt very strange but I tried to be positive that maybe the police had made them take them down. A neighbour stood at a door staring at me as I left which again seemed strange. A few hours later my partner phoned me to tell me there was a mob outside (200+ people) and had to be ushered out by police with my dog. The riot was filmed live on social media. People brought their children to the riot and bricks and bottles were being lodged at my dog. Thankfully my partner and dog were unharmed however, the experience was incredibly traumatic.
Since this, we have been living in a safe place. All the family on both sides know of what’s happened and have been incredibly supportive. None of us condone my partners actions however, context is important which family are able to put into perspective. My partner is working really hard both personally and with social work/police. Their social worker is such a gem and I do truly believe wants the best from my partner.
I have had to put my property on the market as even if I had chosen to break up with my partner there’s no way I could ever return to the property never mind put my poor dog through returning there.
It’s been really hard. Many people won’t understand but I’m hoping those in this forum do. What happened with my partner was terrible and I’ve obviously had to do a lot of thinking about our future but generally, I feel I’ve been able to come to terms with it. What I did not expect was the horrific backlash from that paper article. Whether that’s my own nativity or having been constantly reassured by police that nothing too bad would happen. My home was an incredibly safe place for me and within the space of a week it was pulled from under my feet.
Selling my property has ruined my mental health and I’ve had to take time off work which is a very big deal for me. I have been working with a counsellor since this kicked off who has been great. I have complex feelings at the moment and I hate to say but I feel resentful of loosing my home. Not solely towards my partner but many people. I feel like I’m having to go through a whole grieving process.
I try my best to look forward and social work have always tried to be very reassuring that many offenders and their families live fulfilling and happy life’s - that people are able to move on. I really want to believe that but I suppose right now because of the terrible backlash we had it’s hard to comprehend a life without having to look over your shoulder. I suppose the reason for this post is I’m probably looking for a bit of hope or even just someone that can empathise.
I'm so sorry you are going through this it sounds utterly horrendous and is every bit of my worst fear.. to be honest I'm really regretting reading your post as its made my fears so much worse (didn't think that was possible) my person is my teenage son and this has terrified me.
I really hope things get better for you xx
I really hope things get better for you xx
Oh goodness you've been through it I can't even imagine the trauma. We were lucky no media. Had a fwue judge and mine and childrens life would be on the line if ht got out. I'm not with my iersk. Either but have been through the whole process over 2 years and still am. Guess km saying you are not alone. X
Oh goodness you've been through it I can't even imagine the trauma. We were lucky no media. Had a fwue judge and mine and childrens life would be on the line if ht got out. I'm not with my iersk. Either but have been through the whole process over 2 years and still am. Guess km saying you are not alone. X
Sending you my support, I really feel for you x
Evening Smudge
I am so sorry to have read your post and for the horrific repercussions you have received just awful
The neighbour's should be ashamed
My story is different as it is my son who offended, but after sentancing his case hit the media
It was awful, yes he offended but the way he was portrayed was horrendous and this is out there on Google for the rest of his life, he has lost his friends, which is the hardest part, but even though it is out there we have not experienced anything, no backlash, no neighbour's been awful, I wanted to hide after I knew it was reported but I didn't,
I cant imagine what you are going through but my heart really does go out to you
Sending hugs xx
I am so sorry to have read your post and for the horrific repercussions you have received just awful
The neighbour's should be ashamed
My story is different as it is my son who offended, but after sentancing his case hit the media
It was awful, yes he offended but the way he was portrayed was horrendous and this is out there on Google for the rest of his life, he has lost his friends, which is the hardest part, but even though it is out there we have not experienced anything, no backlash, no neighbour's been awful, I wanted to hide after I knew it was reported but I didn't,
I cant imagine what you are going through but my heart really does go out to you
Sending hugs xx
I'm so sorry you're going through this :(
I have had an awful time with my neighbours too. Eggs thrown, bolts in my tyres, intimidating behaviour from my neighbours & constant posts on social media on a group on fb.
It's been terrifying, so stessfull and it's absolutely broken my heart & ruined my marriage as I just have so much resentment.
We put our house on the market & it sold. The buyer then found out about the offence so we are stuck here :( luckily it had died down since the last incident where all parties were warned they would face charges due to malicious communication however the fear & anxiety is still there. Trouble is now I'm too stressed out to go through the rigmarole of house selling. I'm just tired if it all & was very close to a breakdown last month :(
I empathise so much with your post. Its so traumatic & just one more thing we don't need on top of dealing with the offense ourselves.
Sometimes cctv can deter people if you're worried about your property being damaged.
I'm sending you a huge hug. I too don't post very often as I'm terrified someone will identify me from my posts :( X
I have had an awful time with my neighbours too. Eggs thrown, bolts in my tyres, intimidating behaviour from my neighbours & constant posts on social media on a group on fb.
It's been terrifying, so stessfull and it's absolutely broken my heart & ruined my marriage as I just have so much resentment.
We put our house on the market & it sold. The buyer then found out about the offence so we are stuck here :( luckily it had died down since the last incident where all parties were warned they would face charges due to malicious communication however the fear & anxiety is still there. Trouble is now I'm too stressed out to go through the rigmarole of house selling. I'm just tired if it all & was very close to a breakdown last month :(
I empathise so much with your post. Its so traumatic & just one more thing we don't need on top of dealing with the offense ourselves.
Sometimes cctv can deter people if you're worried about your property being damaged.
I'm sending you a huge hug. I too don't post very often as I'm terrified someone will identify me from my posts :( X
Bluebell77
We are here for you, this is the one safe place that no one will judge you, the information you share will not identify you so please reach out to us if you need to x
This forum is a godsend it's a place not one of us wants to be on but we are all here at different stages, non judgemental, total understanding and best of all support xx
We are here for you, this is the one safe place that no one will judge you, the information you share will not identify you so please reach out to us if you need to x
This forum is a godsend it's a place not one of us wants to be on but we are all here at different stages, non judgemental, total understanding and best of all support xx
I'm so sorry to have read your post and to hear about what you have been through. I cannot understand people like your neighbours. Why would you want to or what would you get from traumatising someone. It's just awful. I hope you are doing ok and sending lots of love and hugs.
I hope this isn't inappropriate to say, and I am so sorry for the living hell you have been put thro - people mostly appall me these days...But, reading your post gives me a tiny glimmer that one day my son will be able to find a wonderful person to love him , despite all this..You hold tight and I hope things ease for you soon xxx