Feel so guilty
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I am the one who reported someone. I feel awful about it. They are suicidal/ distraught. I'm terrified they'll kill themselves- it would be horrendous for their kids.
I know I had to but I feel totally responsible for everything. Not sure I can wait with the uncertainty for how long forensics takes :-(. There might not be enough evidence to be charged but they admitted to me so I know it's true.
I know I had to but I feel totally responsible for everything. Not sure I can wait with the uncertainty for how long forensics takes :-(. There might not be enough evidence to be charged but they admitted to me so I know it's true.
Hi,
You have made the right decision. You are not responsible for their actions at all. Even with being on this journey I would absolutely report anything of this nature. The wait is hard and can take a long time but unfortunately that is the system and again is not your responsibility at all. Take some time for yourself, seek help from the gp and call the helpline. Don't struggle alone xxx
You have made the right decision. You are not responsible for their actions at all. Even with being on this journey I would absolutely report anything of this nature. The wait is hard and can take a long time but unfortunately that is the system and again is not your responsibility at all. Take some time for yourself, seek help from the gp and call the helpline. Don't struggle alone xxx
Thankyou. It's just hard because I don't believe they are a danger at all( fantasy only and possibly not illegal) and they clearly have massive mental health issues. but I couldn't have lived with not reporting either obviously. The impact will affect so many innocent people other than them. I wish I'd never known/ found out.
I was told when I reported that most people don't. Which makes me feel disloyal- stupid I know. Need to deal with the guilt.
I was told when I reported that most people don't. Which makes me feel disloyal- stupid I know. Need to deal with the guilt.
Any idea if wait times are different in different areas of the country?
If your person had disclosed to helpline or similar, they also would have been reported. Please don't feel bad. And don't forget that they were doing a Bad Thing, and this could be all it takes for them to stop.
I did a bit of a deep dive the other day and reoffending rates for IIOC are really low, so what you have done is the best for all.
Your person feels awful now but it will get better, especially if they seek help from LFF, GP, stopso etc.
x
x
I did a bit of a deep dive the other day and reoffending rates for IIOC are really low, so what you have done is the best for all.
Your person feels awful now but it will get better, especially if they seek help from LFF, GP, stopso etc.
x
x
He doesn't know I've reported him. He's constantly messaging saying how low he is, how much he wants to come home, he thought I loved him can't we work through it. He hates himself so much more. Begging, begging me.
Even if it isn't pursued I couldn't stay with him. I feel sick around him and want to be really far away. When he's not here I'm so lonely and still a bit in love but know I can't go back. So hard :-(
Even if it isn't pursued I couldn't stay with him. I feel sick around him and want to be really far away. When he's not here I'm so lonely and still a bit in love but know I can't go back. So hard :-(
Hi Allmyfault
Do not feel guilty for doing the right thing, reporting someone to the police is very hard but the right thing to do. I had to report my OH to the police when I found a memory stick of IIOC. It wasn't any easy decision and I knew this would destryoy our lives, however I knew that I couldn't keep this a secret. I worried that if I had kept this a secret what if something happened a few years down the line to a child and I hadn't done anything. I found out more information when the case went to court that reinforced my decision.
I decided not to stay as I couldn't trust him anymore and I knew we would just argue over everything and I couldn't live with checking whether he was still online. It can be difficult to know whether they would go any further from looking, however they know that this is illegal. In my case I found out that this had been going on for years and there was some voyeurism which in my mind is already crossing a line.
Keep going and stay strong, it is the trafficking and abuse of these girls who are the victims that we have to remember.
Regards Bereft
Do not feel guilty for doing the right thing, reporting someone to the police is very hard but the right thing to do. I had to report my OH to the police when I found a memory stick of IIOC. It wasn't any easy decision and I knew this would destryoy our lives, however I knew that I couldn't keep this a secret. I worried that if I had kept this a secret what if something happened a few years down the line to a child and I hadn't done anything. I found out more information when the case went to court that reinforced my decision.
I decided not to stay as I couldn't trust him anymore and I knew we would just argue over everything and I couldn't live with checking whether he was still online. It can be difficult to know whether they would go any further from looking, however they know that this is illegal. In my case I found out that this had been going on for years and there was some voyeurism which in my mind is already crossing a line.
Keep going and stay strong, it is the trafficking and abuse of these girls who are the victims that we have to remember.
Regards Bereft
Thankyou for replying. I find it hard to imagine there could be more but I never would have guessed there was even this so something else may come out.
Like you- I felt I couldn't keep it a secret. And the idea there could be more was playing on my mind.
Did you ever tell them you'd reported them?
Like you- I felt I couldn't keep it a secret. And the idea there could be more was playing on my mind.
Did you ever tell them you'd reported them?
How long ago was it and how do you feel about it now? I feel a mess at the moment so hoping the guilt and panic eases off eventually :-(.
Dear Allmyfault
you are not alone my lovely. A close family member discovered my sons secret life and immediately reported him to the police. It must have been horrendous for her.
Although it changed our family relationships no one has never ever blamed her. It was such a deep/serious problem that needed addressing and took further. You carnt bury your head in the sand on this one.....
You really did 100% (without doubt) take the courageous/correct action. Not sure if this info will help you, just wanted to emphasise you did the right thing x
you are not alone my lovely. A close family member discovered my sons secret life and immediately reported him to the police. It must have been horrendous for her.
Although it changed our family relationships no one has never ever blamed her. It was such a deep/serious problem that needed addressing and took further. You carnt bury your head in the sand on this one.....
You really did 100% (without doubt) take the courageous/correct action. Not sure if this info will help you, just wanted to emphasise you did the right thing x
Thankyou for replying. Hopefully the guilty feeling will ease eventually. And hopefully there isn't more. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with your son- that must have been heartbreaking.x
I admire you so much, what a brave thing you have done.
Although this will undoubtedly be a tough time for your person and their family, it may also be the best thing. I don't think my OH is a direct danger to children, however I do believe in supply and demand. If the demand can be stopped then hopefully less children will be abused for the sake of these images.
I also think that most people with these habits/compulsions won't stop on their own and this needs to happen for them to get the help they need.
You 100% did the right thing x
Although this will undoubtedly be a tough time for your person and their family, it may also be the best thing. I don't think my OH is a direct danger to children, however I do believe in supply and demand. If the demand can be stopped then hopefully less children will be abused for the sake of these images.
I also think that most people with these habits/compulsions won't stop on their own and this needs to happen for them to get the help they need.
You 100% did the right thing x
Sadly this behaviour 'can' develop from looking at images. It definitely needs addressing :(
I feel guilty for the impact on everyone but was destroying myself not reporting too. Am very up and down with it all and overwhelmed. I don't believe he is a risk to children but this has completely shattered my trust tbh. He knows I know but doesn't understand why I am so upset.
Sounds like it could take a while to get to any sort of conclusion too- the officer said a few weeks for forensics but I guess they won't say it could be ages?
It does help to see others have gone through/ are going through similar on these forums. I don't feel I can talk in real life really.
Sounds like it could take a while to get to any sort of conclusion too- the officer said a few weeks for forensics but I guess they won't say it could be ages?
It does help to see others have gone through/ are going through similar on these forums. I don't feel I can talk in real life really.
I think for the families and spouses of offenders, the guilt is real. Guilt that you wouldn't feel if the person committed theft or GBH; it's a strange thing that you feel guilty by association almost. So even if you hadn't reported him I wanted to say that guilt is a feeling a lot of us on here have felt when the allegations came to light.
Yes, this does change lives. But you absolutely did the right thing and I'd be surprised if anyone here said any different even though we know what the journey is like. It's easy to say don't worry or don't feel bad I know, but do not doubt that what you did was right. If I found something like that, it's so the same in a heartbeat.
Yes, this does change lives. But you absolutely did the right thing and I'd be surprised if anyone here said any different even though we know what the journey is like. It's easy to say don't worry or don't feel bad I know, but do not doubt that what you did was right. If I found something like that, it's so the same in a heartbeat.
Thankyou ataloss. You're probably right about feeling guilty anyway. It does make me feel a bit better to accept I would be feeling horrendous anyway and I have done the right thing. Have to remind myself of that when I feel I brought it all on myself and loved ones. When the person is suicida :-( .
What a mess.
What a mess.
You absolutely did the right thing for everyone. Remember you aren't the one that had done anything wrong, they are broke the law.
In the long run this may workout better for them, if they were able to carry on you don't know how many more images they'd have downloaded or what else they may have gone on to do. I often wonder when I see cases where there are 1000s of images over an extended period of time, how different the outcome would have been if they are caught sooner.
The reoffending rate after conviction is extremely low.
In the long run this may workout better for them, if they were able to carry on you don't know how many more images they'd have downloaded or what else they may have gone on to do. I often wonder when I see cases where there are 1000s of images over an extended period of time, how different the outcome would have been if they are caught sooner.
The reoffending rate after conviction is extremely low.
SAL - Don't you think it would take away some of the stigma if your last sentence was publicised more?
Dear Allmyfault
Apologies for not replying sooner to your questions, I dip in and out of the forum. My ex knew I had found the memory stick as I had to give a statement to the police and then he was arrested. This happened in Feb 21, there were thousands of images on the memory stick and he was sent to prison in Apr 22 for 6 months and then 6 months probabtion. The divorce came through Feb of this year. I knew that I couldn't stay, I am still up and down as we were together for 32 years even though he may not offend (no guarantee as some offenders have on here). He was a compulsive liar and this had been going on for years, I think he thought that I wouldn't call the police. I think that if I had stayed we would have blamed each other and resentment would have set in. to be honest staying or leaving is hard. The hardest part is grieving the the life that I thought I would have, now I have to start again. I would never have thought this would happen but I knew there was no other option to call the police. Hope this helps.
Bereft x
Apologies for not replying sooner to your questions, I dip in and out of the forum. My ex knew I had found the memory stick as I had to give a statement to the police and then he was arrested. This happened in Feb 21, there were thousands of images on the memory stick and he was sent to prison in Apr 22 for 6 months and then 6 months probabtion. The divorce came through Feb of this year. I knew that I couldn't stay, I am still up and down as we were together for 32 years even though he may not offend (no guarantee as some offenders have on here). He was a compulsive liar and this had been going on for years, I think he thought that I wouldn't call the police. I think that if I had stayed we would have blamed each other and resentment would have set in. to be honest staying or leaving is hard. The hardest part is grieving the the life that I thought I would have, now I have to start again. I would never have thought this would happen but I knew there was no other option to call the police. Hope this helps.
Bereft x