Family and Friends Forum

I am 3 and half years in now. And the worst is over. But the impact will never fully leave me. Although I am generally happy in my new life, it is not as I planned and wanted.

I was very active on the forum, less so now, but I come back occasionally. I've just been catching up and reading your posts and are moved and inspired by you all. And so sorry for the new people joining.

I hope you don't mind me jotting down some thoughts, just to get them out!





The men/women committing these crimes must either have made honest mistakes, all too easy when downloading material from the internet unfortunately, or they knowingly committed the crime. If the latter is the case, then they must be mentally unwell, for a multitude of reasons, or are medically diagnosed P’s. Whatever category they fall into they need help and support, how can they be forgiven and rehabilitated without help, love and support surrounding them? Families certainly do not need to be labelled too, and they also need help and support. In fact, it is my view that they have an important role to play in safeguarding, and should be seen as ‘carers’ whilst their loved ones undertake treatment and recovery.



Because the government is not brave enough to take on board the copious amounts of research already presented, and order an overhaul of the systems, more and more people will be criminalised and marginalised and more and more families will be broken and will suffer from mental and physical health issues in the future.



There is hope though, I often think about how, in the past all mentally ill and gay people were poorly treated and institutionalised and even criminalised, and how, thankfully that is not the case now. Even in fairly recent history, the 1980’s, how we treated aids victims and families was appalling.



We as a society are, on the whole more understanding of many things, but we seem to move very very slowly. It’s only through the bravery of a minority that change eventually happens.



What scares me most is social media, as so quickly information travels, is twisted and rewritten, and then believed as ‘truth’. This is a new and real problem for the human race. This needs addressing urgently, it is now affecting us all.



So, back to us, it is deeply concerning to me that we, the loved ones of offenders, are given no support by authorities. We are left to struggle alone when we are at our lowest and most vulnerable. My ex has served a prison sentence, he was given temporary housing, help finding new home, job coach, health and well being coach and of course he has probation too as he is still under license. He has walked away from his old life, including me, and set up a new one, with a new much younger woman. I am left to deal with everything on my own, unravel the mess left, and he remains as joint owner of our home and other joint assets whilst I make all the payments! That doesn’t feel right to me at all.



If we can, we need to be brave, look people in the eye and tell them ok how it is for us and how it could be for them.



You are all brave and wonderful warriors. Don’t ever lose hope, and learn, when you can, from this experience. It has and will continue to shape you, but don’t let it define you, let yourself shine! Think of yourselves as those wonderful treasures found in the beach, that have been through the worst of storms and have reached the shore even more beautiful! xxx