New start
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I have mentioned my story to others on here before. Short recap the knock came June 21 hubby admitted viewing iioc. Sentencing just before December 22. Our children have been on a CIN plan the whole time no real help from SS the nursery are now saying my hubby has groomed me but this has only suddenly come to light after 20 months even though we have had monthly cin meetings and surely if I was being abused it should of been brought up ages ago ( she's pretty much put her own views into this no evidence she basically said to me that I should of left him) luckily probation and visor have disagreed with this even health visitor said it's the first she's heard of it.
Well today is the first day of our safety plan and he is allowed to stay overnight one day a week gradually increasing from week 4 onwards until week 9 around April time where his allowed back properly. It finally feels like our lives can start moving in the right direction. I know it's still going to be hard at times when I'm having a bad day but we can finally be a proper family again especially when they close the case hopefully in a few months time.
I just wanted to say to anyone going along with social services stick to what you want. I've told them from day one I want the end result to be for him to come home I told them I would support him but I also made it as clear as possible that my children have always and would always come first and their safety is the main priority to me. I've worked really hard doing anything they want courses, own independent information found, pants through NSPCC talking to lff helpline. My hubby has done everything and more that he can possibly do, ringing the helpline, inform plus course, stop so , lff online work, and now the aurora project and the doctors who helped him massively when he was at the point he thought it would be better for us for him not to be here anymore and made him realise how much his children needed him.
Anybody at the start of this journey please look at any of these places for help and support. I just want to say thankyou to everyone that's replied to me over the past 20 months and I will continue to come on here to help any others that I can
Well today is the first day of our safety plan and he is allowed to stay overnight one day a week gradually increasing from week 4 onwards until week 9 around April time where his allowed back properly. It finally feels like our lives can start moving in the right direction. I know it's still going to be hard at times when I'm having a bad day but we can finally be a proper family again especially when they close the case hopefully in a few months time.
I just wanted to say to anyone going along with social services stick to what you want. I've told them from day one I want the end result to be for him to come home I told them I would support him but I also made it as clear as possible that my children have always and would always come first and their safety is the main priority to me. I've worked really hard doing anything they want courses, own independent information found, pants through NSPCC talking to lff helpline. My hubby has done everything and more that he can possibly do, ringing the helpline, inform plus course, stop so , lff online work, and now the aurora project and the doctors who helped him massively when he was at the point he thought it would be better for us for him not to be here anymore and made him realise how much his children needed him.
Anybody at the start of this journey please look at any of these places for help and support. I just want to say thankyou to everyone that's replied to me over the past 20 months and I will continue to come on here to help any others that I can
Scaredandconfused - I truly wish you all the very best xxx
Good luck with getting him home and hope this all goes well for you xx
I love this post. You deserve to move on and get kn with your lives. Sound like everything is going in the right direction and yuour post will give hope to others xx
@scaredandconfused I am glad that things are improving for you ????
Wonderful news, apart from the nursery bit. You have done amazingly well and I wish you all every success for the future xxx
Thanks everyone I just anyone that's having to deal with ss that it is possible and not to give up on what you want xx
Your story is what i need to keep pushing, SS make you feel/ tell you that there is no future with your OH even after the 10 years are up! i'm just trying to not give up any hope.
Amazing news for you and your family! <3 xx
Amazing news for you and your family! <3 xx
Cocoa please don't give up stand your ground and tell them what you want don't lose hope x
Thank you for your post, its given me hope. Its been two months since the knock and social services keep saying that me wanting to reconcile with my husband and be a family again is a red flag for them. They won't let me be superviser because its an issue for them that I still love my husband despite him viewing iioc. The social worker said she can't guarantee that my husband will ever be able to live with me and my 3 month old baby again. That's devastating to hear. They haven't even brought the charges yet and I desperately need hope to hold onto, so I appreciate you sharing your story.
Devastatedwife.
I remember the sw coming out 4 days after the knock and I said I'm staying with him and I will want him home her reply you are taking this seriously aren't you! It even states in her report that I was adamant that i was staying with him. I never got asked if I was willing to supervise I just did it and told them from the start that I was doing it and it was at the home address or community they never mentioned it at all that I shouldn't do it or that anybody else should instead of me. The last month I have been asked at every opportunity if I'm ok with him returning but not once was I asked the last 19 months before it if I was ok with it or even if I was actually ok. Our sw stated before when I'd finished a course it was another box ticked. Because that is what our lives are to them a ticked box to make their paperwork look pretty.
Please don't give up keep stating what you want and don't let them bully you x
I remember the sw coming out 4 days after the knock and I said I'm staying with him and I will want him home her reply you are taking this seriously aren't you! It even states in her report that I was adamant that i was staying with him. I never got asked if I was willing to supervise I just did it and told them from the start that I was doing it and it was at the home address or community they never mentioned it at all that I shouldn't do it or that anybody else should instead of me. The last month I have been asked at every opportunity if I'm ok with him returning but not once was I asked the last 19 months before it if I was ok with it or even if I was actually ok. Our sw stated before when I'd finished a course it was another box ticked. Because that is what our lives are to them a ticked box to make their paperwork look pretty.
Please don't give up keep stating what you want and don't let them bully you x
@scaredandconfused im so happy for you, your story was exactly what i needed to hear this morning. My story is similar and has been two long years with no reprieve from socal. Think ive allowed them to dictate to me far to much. My children are on cpp snd only just talking about de-escalation in June. I've not been able to supervise over the last 2 years but now doing inform to try and make this happen.
Ss have said its a red flag if i resume a romantic relationship with my ex though ive made the decision recently that i want us to be a family and for him to come home. So i will wait it out no matter how long it takes. I dont believe ss want to be involved for the next 8 years till my ex is off his shpo. Even then he said he will challenge his shpo sooner is social font budge.
Its nice to see someone actually having a happy outcome so thank you, wishing you all the best x
Ss have said its a red flag if i resume a romantic relationship with my ex though ive made the decision recently that i want us to be a family and for him to come home. So i will wait it out no matter how long it takes. I dont believe ss want to be involved for the next 8 years till my ex is off his shpo. Even then he said he will challenge his shpo sooner is social font budge.
Its nice to see someone actually having a happy outcome so thank you, wishing you all the best x
Lost&sad
These cases with social are very varied. Some partners are still living at home the whole way through the process some aren't. Most cases I've read were closed straight away and it's made me feel like a terrible mother thinking they don't think Im capable of looking after my own children. They don't care about us at all just another work load for them. Have they offered you any support with courses or information. I find it weird because again I've read about not being able to supervise but I've been doing that the whole time nobody once said I couldn't I don't know if it's because of how old the children were at the time.
My oh probation and visor team have really been supportive and helpful in the process our new plan does state that if we had female children a return probably wouldn't be happening.
I would definitely push to start supervising and if you want to get back together maybe mention that too but state your children are your main priority and you are willing to do anything they can recommend course wise to help this process happen
We are now on week two of a stay over and haven't even heard of social so you can tell how worried they are in checking I'm coping and ok with it all so far.
I hope everything goes in the right direction for you x
These cases with social are very varied. Some partners are still living at home the whole way through the process some aren't. Most cases I've read were closed straight away and it's made me feel like a terrible mother thinking they don't think Im capable of looking after my own children. They don't care about us at all just another work load for them. Have they offered you any support with courses or information. I find it weird because again I've read about not being able to supervise but I've been doing that the whole time nobody once said I couldn't I don't know if it's because of how old the children were at the time.
My oh probation and visor team have really been supportive and helpful in the process our new plan does state that if we had female children a return probably wouldn't be happening.
I would definitely push to start supervising and if you want to get back together maybe mention that too but state your children are your main priority and you are willing to do anything they can recommend course wise to help this process happen
We are now on week two of a stay over and haven't even heard of social so you can tell how worried they are in checking I'm coping and ok with it all so far.
I hope everything goes in the right direction for you x
Scaredandconfused
The only support ive had is recent when ss suggested i take part in the inform program to gain more knowledge for preventative measures so they will then assess me to supervise. I dont have any support network par one friend who i speak to openly sbout the situation.
Ss have not said if its possible or not for him to come home just keep mentioning the shpo. My daughter will be 11 if it goes to full term but i dont expect ss to be involved for 8 years. Also i wouldn't sign any agreement that states he cannot come home so i dont know where we'd go from there except maybe court as the decision has to be justified. As police and probation are saying hes low risk now it would make no sense for them to keep him away permanently. Weve been going round and round in circles but ive made my decision now and that wont change so i really hope ss work with me to move things forward.
The only support ive had is recent when ss suggested i take part in the inform program to gain more knowledge for preventative measures so they will then assess me to supervise. I dont have any support network par one friend who i speak to openly sbout the situation.
Ss have not said if its possible or not for him to come home just keep mentioning the shpo. My daughter will be 11 if it goes to full term but i dont expect ss to be involved for 8 years. Also i wouldn't sign any agreement that states he cannot come home so i dont know where we'd go from there except maybe court as the decision has to be justified. As police and probation are saying hes low risk now it would make no sense for them to keep him away permanently. Weve been going round and round in circles but ive made my decision now and that wont change so i really hope ss work with me to move things forward.
Lost&sad
Unfortunately I pretty much have had to find everything out myself in terms of information course's and so on. Our sw didn't even know what stop it now was. Although she is the one who sorted the ten weeks intense safeguarding course for me.
I have put some help for you on your other post about safety plan hope it helps x
Unfortunately I pretty much have had to find everything out myself in terms of information course's and so on. Our sw didn't even know what stop it now was. Although she is the one who sorted the ten weeks intense safeguarding course for me.
I have put some help for you on your other post about safety plan hope it helps x