Sorry
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One thing that slightly worries me is all through the trauma of my son being arrested and custody etc I've never heard him once say 'sorry'.
Yesterday I tried to get across how hard it is for us, talking about our recent blip and even then there was just pauses in the conversation, no 'sorry'. Saying this I don't want him to drop to his knees in tears and beg for forgiveness!!!!!
Perhaps Im over thinking (yet again) and sorry is a word - a word - that doesn't come easy to many men - I know.
Watching the 'Parole' programme, made me realise / remorse is top of the list. when my son faces this he'll have to bare all, which I think will be hard for him to express. Just wish he could be put on a treatment programme to help him understand all this.
Yesterday I tried to get across how hard it is for us, talking about our recent blip and even then there was just pauses in the conversation, no 'sorry'. Saying this I don't want him to drop to his knees in tears and beg for forgiveness!!!!!
Perhaps Im over thinking (yet again) and sorry is a word - a word - that doesn't come easy to many men - I know.
Watching the 'Parole' programme, made me realise / remorse is top of the list. when my son faces this he'll have to bare all, which I think will be hard for him to express. Just wish he could be put on a treatment programme to help him understand all this.
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Morning Smile,
Our thoughts are our own worst enemy at times xx
Our thoughts are our own worst enemy at times xx
how very true Daffodil. I reflect on how he's coped in custody, now working - art class - enhanced status. He's certainly being more proactive than he's ever been, so perhaps his way of change.
As you say actions speak louder than words.
thankyou x
As you say actions speak louder than words.
thankyou x
My ex partner has said sorry lots of times. I can tell that he's just saying it cos he knows he should. He's only sorry that he got caught , I really believe that he doesn't think what he's done is that bad. Sorry means nothing.
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I feel the same way bitter bean. My person has said on multiple occasions he is remorseful and sorry for the impact it has had on his family and friends - he doesn't typically mention the actual victims when he mentions his offending. And I have told him I don't like that about when he goes on about his remorse.
I don't want to 'coach' him, because I want his genuine thoughts on the matter. So I have to come to terms that despite the courses he has done he still won't verbalise the harm he did to the victims. I do believe that if he was to be exposed to such images and visuals he would still get a kick out of it, it something that is underlined with him.
He has never admitted to having an attraction to children. And we can't get inside his head to confirm. So for me I have to put in faith he will work on avoiding seeking out iioc and contact with under age people.
I think he is mostly sorry he got caught - he is still selfish in that regard. I think he is mostly regretful that the consequence of his actions led to him losing his family and his kids - more than the fact he led the demand for iioc.
The course was helpful to him, but the one down side to such courses is it can provide 'statements' that offenders can just repeat. There is the risk offenders can just say what people want to hear. And so actions speak louder than words.
In terms of the word sorry. There are other way people can say and show they are sorry. So it might be worth looking out for these indications.
For my person it is the fact he was proactive on getting support whilst under investigation that was important to me. But he has been criticized by authorities that he only did these to lesson his sentence, damn if you do, damned if you don't.
I think my person would benefit from one on one counselling. The course was by a group and so I don't think he has had the chance to devel into his own issues.
I don't want to 'coach' him, because I want his genuine thoughts on the matter. So I have to come to terms that despite the courses he has done he still won't verbalise the harm he did to the victims. I do believe that if he was to be exposed to such images and visuals he would still get a kick out of it, it something that is underlined with him.
He has never admitted to having an attraction to children. And we can't get inside his head to confirm. So for me I have to put in faith he will work on avoiding seeking out iioc and contact with under age people.
I think he is mostly sorry he got caught - he is still selfish in that regard. I think he is mostly regretful that the consequence of his actions led to him losing his family and his kids - more than the fact he led the demand for iioc.
The course was helpful to him, but the one down side to such courses is it can provide 'statements' that offenders can just repeat. There is the risk offenders can just say what people want to hear. And so actions speak louder than words.
In terms of the word sorry. There are other way people can say and show they are sorry. So it might be worth looking out for these indications.
For my person it is the fact he was proactive on getting support whilst under investigation that was important to me. But he has been criticized by authorities that he only did these to lesson his sentence, damn if you do, damned if you don't.
I think my person would benefit from one on one counselling. The course was by a group and so I don't think he has had the chance to devel into his own issues.
Sorry is a very easy word to say. My OH says it so much that it's started to mean nothing.
Showing that you are sorry is much harder.
Showing that you are sorry is much harder.
Agree that showing sorry is what matters more than saying it. Saying it often means sorry for the mess/sorry I've ruined things etc/ sorry I didn't cover my tracks. Rather than sorry I did wrong.
Perhaps we put too much emphasis on being sorry generally. It is, after all, just a word. It doesn't change the action that we want someone to 'be sorry' for. We have to allow people the space to prove themselves through change, we have to then forgive their actions & if we can't we have to move on, they also need to be allowed to forgive themselves. Without forgiveness no one can move forward and life would become pointless x
Once you are ready to forgive you'll find it easier to accept that someone is sorry. It doesn't help to keep going around in circles until you get the answer you want if you do this you may never be able to let go and move forward. Sometimes we have to accept that we may never receive the answer we are looking for it rarely works out that way in my experience I have found it much more beneficial to let go of the baggage and take someones sorry at face value.