Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

I definitely don't think it's a question of how much you love him at all. Everyone has their own boundaries to set on what they want from their own lives. I love my person unconditional but that does not mean that I have to accept their behaviour or indeed the restrictions placed on him as something I want for myself or my children.

You are in a challenging situation because it's a grey area and the law works in black and white. Prior to being on this journey if I had been on a jury I do have to admit that I would have been inclined to believe the people in authority tasked with gathering and reviewing evidence before it got to court.



I hope that whatever the outcome is you are able to decide what you want for your life. Sending love xxx

You have a lot of big decisions to make honey. You've got to remember to do what's right for you. I said at the start just after the knock of it gettong out in media (judge kept Court closed as requested thank goodness) that I'd walk. Not because of me but because of my children (not his) I didn't want that stigma attached to them he was me er at my home as my daughter was still only 15bthen so none really knew we were together. Anyway we both came to arrangement to walk away from each other. It was honestly the hardest thing I've ever had to do as he's a great guy but my tryst was gone. We are still friends he lives 100 miles away so we just texted, you never know what can happen on future but for now I'm good. Guess what I'm saying is go with your gut and how you see your future,xx

As has been said, it's okay to have boundaries. This wouldn't have happened if he'd not been irresponsible with his online behaviour (although I do have a huge amount of sympathy as to how easy it is to download files with content you don't want - When I was young and naive I thought I'd downloaded a normal film and within the file there was porn and on the more extreme end).

Have you had any counselling? Whilst they can't tell you what to do, they can help guide you through your feelings and unearth how and why you might feel certain things. I've found the therapy I've had extremely helpful.

Hi. My OH pleaded not guilty to images and this was accepted. He stated that they had been sent to him and he deleted them immediately. His defence being until he opened them he didn't know the content. So don't dispair . Everything crossed for you

Well yes it was but I kind of went back and forward .we've lived apart since the arrest 2years ago and if I'm honest it was hard at first because we never really spent time apart b4.but after a few weeks I got use to it , I was back and forward with relationship thing . I cancelled our wedding right away and I think deep down that was for the best . He said he couldn't give me the live and support I need anymore and I needed him to be strong to get thevtrsut back etc .so we decided it was for the best to walk away .he's living 100 miles away now anyway and I only seen him once a week but phined every night .we broke contact completly for a few weeks and it was the hardest thing I've ever done .I was heart broken .we are texting now every now and then and the odd phone call .I'm doing great now and making plans for the future with family and friends.hes doing good too .having theraoy and also making plans and has more fight in him now .we are both on meds which helped a lot too .I'll always love him deeply but just goi in Ng to take it day by day . But as for the mean time I'm happy on my own if I'm honest .wish you all the luck in the world .maybe do a trail separation to see how you really feel .x

My person was sentenced recently, community order and 5 year SOR but I have to say part of me wishes they had pleaded not guilty. Solicitor advised very early on in process that a more favourable sentence would be achieved by pleading guilty and didn't think my person was strong enough to go through a trial, they have severe diagnosed mental health problems. No members of my family have ever been in any kind of trouble, we had entered a alien world and felt lost so trusted the guidance of the professionals.

The court acknowledged that the images were unsolicited, deleted, were in the cache of the phone and not accessible to my person, and beleived that my person got no sexual gratification from the images but the grey area is that they are unable to say how long the period was before they were deleted. My person has assured me it was immediately but this cannot be proved and they should of reported it to the police from receiving the very first image which unfortunately they did not do, they thought deleting them meant they had done the right thing.

Not sure if being on legal aid prevented the solicitors from taking more time and possibly pushing for a not guilty but will never know now. My advice, if your person feels confident and truthful in their part then i believe a not guilty plea is the way to go. Wish you the very best of luck, this forum has been a saviour for me, I don't post often but I read everything, take care x

I'm totally hearing you Bitterbean! I care about my kids dad and I support him, my life would be better if he wasn't in it but how can I leave when he has so much on as this has now gone on years! When will he not have struggles? Which I won't feel guilty for walking away? Until the trial there was always hope.

obvs our situations are different as kids love their dad! If I didn't have them I would have run for the hills!



I think one day you will know you know you have made your decision! It's scary but you will be fine!