Family and Friends Forum

I know that anger. I got zero support too I even had to find this form myself. Ss didn't even know who llf was!!!! They were supposed to send me leaflets and never did plus they got his crime wrong too. If I'm honest I've let go of that anger and now I'm a stro get person after getting through it all on my own. I feel a little Liberalism in it all and just taking the positive out of it

I totally know what you mean. It hits me in waves too, I feel SO cross that he has put us through this.
At first in the early days I drank too much, that was not healthy and didn't help the anger. Now I go cold water swimming which is amazing at keeping the anger away. Cold water has amazing ways of keeping us calm. Also make sure you eat well as that will help lots.
Go for walks too, get fresh air, it may sound obvious but stewing over it all sitting on the sofa definitely won't help.
Hang in there, these feelings won't last forever....

The only support I got through my person's PO was he introduced me to this forum - which is ofc amazing and I have found helpful twitch dealing with some anger.

Maybe you can ask your person to mention it to their PO a d see if they can suggest something? Their focus is of course on their cases but some might try to look into it as you are part of the 'network' for your person.

But other than this forum I have been told to seek counseling, which I have had to go private. I was on the NHS step to wellbeing but it was mostly based on anxiety and had to work through it to find my own way on how to navigate it to the circumstances of being with an offenderm the course leaders were aware of my situation, but coz it was group based I wasn't able to disclose the true reason I was there to the overall group.

I am too getting the 'low key' anger for the professionals, family and his ex wife. So my counselling is to focus on how I manage this without blowing up. It is the lack of control that bothers me, and risk of the unknown. A few times things have cropped up to throw a spanner in the works. So I need help to cope with this. The anxiety course was helpful and I have the 'tools' to limit my catastrophising mindset. - thinking the worst basically.

You could go to the GP to see where there is support. Or the StopSo service can get you in touch with a specialist - but that's private...and so a cost

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Oh my god, the ANGER! All it took for me was someone not thanking me if I let their car through and I would explode! They wouldn't know it, but in the safe confines of my car I'd be yelling and swearing and it would come from nowhere - and I'm not an angry person at all usually. It's got a lot better with time; in fact it feels like another world now, but I can still clearly remember that feeling.

I don't know how you get past it - running definitely helped for me and then a big house move which didn't really leave me with the energy to be angry!

I find my anger is directed at my person. I'm angry he appears to not want to face up to what he has done. He says the right things but somehow it feels hollow.

I'm angry at myself as I have a secret that I am hiding from those who are close to me. I'm being untruthful somehow and I hate it and that makes me really angry. I'm angry that I allowed him to treat me badly and now he finds himself in this situation I should forgive him because if I say I am a Christian then I should show my Christianity by forgiving. I do forgive and I have made a decision to forget but I do not allow him to treat me in a way that is disrespectful.

There are so many reasons we can be angry but the most important thing is acknowledging it and making an effort to try to not have it make us become someone we don't want to be. I often take a minute when I feel the anger rising and just count in my head take deep breathes and remind myself to try to rise above it. Is doesn't always work though!!! And I often find my voice rising when having a conversation with him and he knows which buttons to press obviously.

Summer, I haven't reached trial stage yet but remember that anger in the weeks after the knock. At that point I think it was a good think because I was able to tap into the energy of it to prod my Oh into sorting out his legal and mental health support and my own. A friend of mine who is also a counsellor said, when I told her I was really angry, said "Good! Anger is good!"

When I got counselling though, my counsellor said she was surprised at my lack of anger. I thought at that point I'd exhausted it, and said as much, but in actual fact I think I had bottled it all up because since then and even now some if it bubbles up and bursts out, usually over something trivial and often directed at my OH, but sometimes at the police, the legal system, the media, the people putting this stuff online. I know I have to find some way to deal with ot or I'm going to make myself ill.

I have been experimenting with Stoicism, this whole thing about letting things happen and not wasting energy thinking about whether they are good or bad. And not spending time on things that are not under my control. When I start thinking angry thoughts I try to make a joke about it inside my head so it turns into something to laugh at. Breathing and relaxation exercises help too, taking deep breaths and breathing out the anger. Also exercise, whether it's a brisk walk, hopping on a bike or pushing some heavy weights, just to burn off that adrenaline. I've thought about a punchbag, but not gone there yet!

Oh I totally agree about the anger I have days when I'm just so angry with everything and everyone and very resentful of other people who are not having to deal with this stuff.

I can't express my anger to my son though because if I did then I don't think we could continue to share the same space so I've had to find other ways to deal with it-one thing is to write down my feelings (which sometimes consists of using the f word multiple times and then cutting the paper into pieces before throwing it away.

I have begun to realise that there will always be good and bad days and that bottling up the anger does me no good at all so I try to channel it into positive actions such as exercise or creativity.

This is not the life I ever imagined but we are here and we will get through it.

Hi Summer. The anger stages come and go. At the moment we are awaiting sentencing which is in 5 weeks. I'm back being angry as to how my life has changed due to him. I get angry because he no longer seems to understand what impact he has had to me and our family. I want to lash out and hurt him . So don't think you're alone. At least on here you can be honest. Have a good shout and cry for all of us. Take care of yourself xx

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